5 Tips to Start a New Life After Divorce
Understanding the divorce process prepares you for the different stages and emotions involved. Here is what it looks like.
Key takeaways
A divorce can be one of the most mentally taxing and emotionally disruptive events in your life. The first few stages of the divorce process are hectic for divorcees, who might experience anger and resentment about the situation.
Over time, though it might not seem remotely close to it now, the end of a marriage could become a great start to a new life. A divorce helps you get mental stability and happiness if you've been unhappy in the marriage. It allows you to focus on yourself and regain your confidence and self-esteem if you’ve lost it.
Divorce has different stages you must go through to recover and move on with your life fully. You might go through consecutive stages quickly or struggle to get through each step. Take care of yourself, eat healthily, be kind, and do not shy away from talking about it. Here is everything you need to know about the divorce process.
The stages of divorce
Going through a divorce involves different stages that could last a few months or many years. Here are the stages of the divorce process:
At this stage, you cannot process what's happening. It is too much to take in, so you avoid conflict. You may claim that your partner is angry, and they'll return to their senses later.
Depending on how you feel about your partner at the onset of divorce, you may experience a lot of denial or very little (if you’ve already moved on emotionally).
Anger stems from rejection, betrayal, feeling misunderstood, and being abandoned. Often, during divorce, you get angry or are pushed to a bad place by someone you love and trust. Sometimes, you become angry with yourself over what's happening to you.
You might find yourself arguing, being impatient, worrying, and complaining during this stage. You might eat, drink, binge watch TV, or exercise too much.
The bargaining phase is filled with many "what ifs" – “What if I did more?”, “What if I complained less?”, “What if I gave into what my partner wanted but I didn’t more often?” You struggle to find answers as to why the divorce is happening. At this point, you may feel guilty for failing at marriage. You swear not to repeat your previous mistakes.
Depression often stems from loneliness, sadness, and grief. You may feel detached from the rest of society and want to spend time alone.
During this stage, you might feel hopeless and helpless. If you notice you can't shake it off, you should reach out for help. Talking to a therapist to discuss your feelings can really help.
This is the last stage that involves becoming a whole person again. You come to terms with the divorce and find some clarity. At this point, you have more good days than bad ones and are more optimistic about life.
With acceptance, you envision a new life without your former partner. You make friends and start exploring new options.
Tips to start a new life after divorce
Divorce is a difficult process to go through, although you can do things to simplify it. Here are tips to help you survive divorce:
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1. Acceptance is the key
Accepting the divorce may make you feel confused, sad, and frustrated, but it is the key to healing. The faster you accept it, the better you’ll feel. Over time, the sad emotions fade away, and you’ll gain clarity that it is what you need.
2. Talk about your feelings
When going through a divorce, involve your friends and family and share your feelings. Talking to people you trust during this time will help you heal.
You could also join a support group of people in a similar situation. This helps you realize you are not the only one undergoing the pain, which can help you process your emotions and recover. It is always okay to reach out for help during this time.
3. Take care of yourself
Work on your physical and mental state when dealing with a divorce. Make time to go out, exercise, and pamper yourself. Do things that genuinely make you happy to improve your mood during this time.
Do not resort to drugs as a coping mechanism, as they could worsen things. Think positively and remind yourself that things will get better.
4. Do not involve your children
You may be tempted, if you have children, to get them to pick sides. Keep your children out of your divorce, though, and avoid blaming your partner in front of the kids. Focus on spending quality time with them, as divorce may affect them a lot.
5. Avoid moving on too fast
Do not move on too quickly before processing all of your emotions and the reasons for your divorce. Focus on healing and becoming a better version of yourself before you move on to a new partner. This helps you reflect on your mistakes and avoid repeating them in your next relationship.
How the divorce process affects couples
Divorce is most often associated with negative impacts, which are not always the case. In the first stage of divorce, you will probably feel negative emotions, including resentment, anger, and guilt, that impact your well-being.
It may be challenging to live far away from each other and start a new life. Over time, you and your partner will heal, though, and discover that you needed the divorce since things were not right. This results in self-awareness, empowerment, and many other good things, like:
Divorce opens the door to having healthier relationships and new possibilities. You gain a new perspective that helps you lead a better life with a new partner or as a single person. Co-parenting with your former partner can also be very satisfying for you and your kids if you come to a place of healing.
In a marriage, you spend a lot of time focusing on your partner. After divorce, you make personal decisions without involving your partner. You can spend more time with friends without anyone asking when you'll be home.
Healing during and after a divorce
Divorce is a challenging process to go through, regardless of the circumstances. It occurs in different stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The divorce process eventually becomes easier when you accept the situation and start to heal.
If you are having a difficult time with divorce, do not hesitate to reach out to the caring, qualified therapists at Love Discovery. At Love Discovery, we offer elite emotional and cognitive therapy for individuals and couples. Our therapists will help you through the divorce process, making it easier to cope with. Call 305-605-LOVE or make an appointment online today.
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