5 Tips To Silence the Ageist Inside

Welcome to my weekly blog about life, work, and adventure at 40 & 50+, and the lessons learned along the way. (Scroll down to read the blog.)?

If this is your first time reading this blog, welcome. As the former co-founder of a pro-age women’s community, recognized Influencer in Aging by Next Avenue magazine, and Facebook Community Accelerator alum, I launched this blog to share personal insights gathered from my journey through middlescence to encourage us to be a little more empathetic and curious about people of all ages. You never know what someone else is going through unless you care enough to ask. Start asking.

If you enjoy the read, please share with others you think would find this interesting. Trying to reach 1,000 subscribers by my birthday, June 18!

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Dear Middlescent,

“What is a pro-aging advocate?”

This was a question I recently fielded during a conversation with a friend. If you check out my LinkedIn profile, that’s the title I use to describe my current work. While there are different definitions, I describe a pro-aging advocate as someone that rallies people of all ages to curiously question, challenge if necessary, and rescript their internal narrative around aging if it's holding them back from truly living (and enjoying) life at every age. ?

The peculiar thing is had you asked me four years ago if I saw myself in this role, I would have unquestionably replied “No.” But that’s the intrinsic benefit of a zig-zagging career that’s taken me down unplanned and interesting paths.

I’ve spent the last several years learning more about ageism, particularly gendered ageism, and as a 49-years-young woman, I’ve realized one key truth.

I can’t control how others see me.

For example, when someone meets you for the first time, they draw an almost-instant opinion (first impression) about you based on a series of different factors, like physical appearance, age, race, gender, body language, and more. In addition to this brief, rapid intake, they also simultaneously access the info they’ve mentally indexed based on past experiences, social biases, or learnings.

Now wait for it. It takes approximately seven seconds for someone to form an opinion about you. Seven seconds.

I realize this list of first-impression factors is not comprehensive, but if we were to use it as a starting point, there are only two factors we could semi-control:

1. Physical appearance (what we wear, our hairstyle, personal grooming, etc.)
2. Body language (our posture, physical gestures, or facial expressions.)

While many of us may try to control how others see us, the outcome will usually default to their internal biases and inherited ideologies.

So, why do we bother? In short, because we want to belong.

But that statement begs the question “Belong to what?” And that’s where I drew this conclusion:

The only thing I need to belong to is myself.

If you can’t accept my physical appearance, age, race, or gender as is, then that’s on you. I can’t control how you react to me, the silent judgments you formulate about me, or the past experiences that inform how you see me.

• I can only control how I show up.
• I’m only responsible for how I show up.
• You’re responsible for how you show up.

With that said, how do you show up in middlescence?

Do you let your wrinkles, greys, or aging body temper the activities you partake in? Do you allow social assumptions like “Old people are not tech savvy,” or “Old people can’t successfully start a new career” stop you from pursuing the career of your dreams? Do you judge others for wearing fashion that you consider age-inappropriate? Do you despise your younger boss because they are, quite frankly, younger?

We all judge. And often how we see and judge others, begins with how we see and judge ourselves. And ageism is no different.

Foster a no-judgment aging zone with the person in the mirror.

I believe that internalized ageism is a disease that robs us of a life well lived, and that’s why I am a pro-aging advocate.

I want to be my biggest cheerleader. I want to push boundaries. I want to prove to myself (not others) what I can be or do at 50, 60, 70, and beyond. I want to celebrate every year God leaves me on this earth. I want to live life in full color. And I'd love for you to feel the same way. If this sounds like something you want in your life too, then here are five things you can start doing today to become your own pro-aging advocate:

1. ?Check your vocabulary. Do you use ageist remarks when talking to yourself? “You’re too old to wear that.” “I can’t find my keys, having another senior moment.” “I’m too old for this.” How we talk to ourselves is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and influences how we see the world. Be aware of what you’re telling yourself out loud and in your head.
2. Quit “othering.” Othering is when you view or treat (a person or group of people) as intrinsically different from yourself. Do you attend events and intentionally look around to see how many people are older or younger than you, even though age has nothing to do with the event? Is your friend group primarily made up of people that are in the same age group as you? Stop looking for ways to purposely stand out, and instead focus on being curious about who else is in the room or missing from your friend group.
3. Check your ageist assumptions. Do you work out hard the day before and blame your body aches the next morning on “being old” versus the workout? Do you opt for returning to school online because you don’t want to be the “oldest” in the classroom? Everyone will age, it’s the ultimate equalizer. Instead of letting this reality influence what you do or do not do…just do it. You can then use that first-hand experience for future considerations. ?
4. Take care of yourself. Embrace aging with renewed vigor and health goals. Be mindful of what you are and are not currently doing and then adjust. Add daily movement, discover new ways to challenge and grow your mind, and try new recipes that nourish and support your aging body. You are your own steward, so take steps to ensure you are living the best life possible—regardless of age.
5. Stand up to ageism. I like to believe that most people are not intentionally being offensive or ageist, they just don’t know better. Every action you take, whether that’s calling out an ageist remark, signing petitions to support age discrimination legislation, or sharing pro-aging articles or studies on your social, are proactive steps you can take to strengthen your aging confidence while making this world a little more age inclusive.

I realize this is quite the undertaking. Breaking free from internalized ageist beliefs is not easy. We live in a youth-obsessed culture and it's difficult to tune out. The?National Poll on Healthy Aging?confirms that people aged 50 to 80 are barraged with negative stereotypes about getting older. While anti-aging messages across all media forms may try and tell you you're past your prime, you have the power to identify and call out these messages for what they are, just an opinion.

And, in case you didn’t know the exact definition of the word opinion, here you go. An opinion is a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Break free from what others want you to believe about yourself and return to what you know is your own truth. You are a beautiful, powerful, intelligent, and truly amazing middlescent.

Live life on your terms.