5 Tips to Prevent Conflict with Your Co-Parent When Making Decisions for Your Child

Summer is here, and with long days, vacations, and other seasonal activities best enjoyed in warm weather, it’s easy to see why many consider the summer months to be their favorite time of year. However, in my experience as a seasoned family law attorney, this time of year is often accompanied by something less enjoyable—conflict between my clients and their co-parents—and I understand why.?

Any time co-parents have to make significant decisions regarding their child, conflict can occur, and this is especially true during the summer months. From summer camps to family vacations and school and extracurricular choices for the upcoming academic year, the potential for conflict looms large as both parents want their opinions to be heard.?

However, decision-making for your child(ren) does not have to lead to conflict. Navigating these decisions can be made smoother with effective communication and cooperation from both co-parents.

Here are five (5) tips from a family law attorney to help you and your co-parent make important decisions with minimal conflict while keeping your child's best interests at heart—using common summertime decision-making as our examples.?

1. Make Decisions Ahead of Time

The old adage "the early bird catches the worm" rings true when making co-parenting decisions. The sooner you and your co-parent can sit down and discuss an upcoming decision, the better. When you address these matters early, it allows ample time for discussion, negotiation, and resolution.

Consider this example: you have a child who is turning 5 and is attending kindergarten for the first time, but you and your co-parent live in different school districts. You both want the child to attend school in your district, and neither wants to compromise. Given that there is a disagreement, it will take time for you two to come to a resolution, and the last thing you want is to wait until June or July even to begin this discussion, which can leave your child feeling uneasy and unprepared going into their first year of school.?

As an attorney, I advise my clients to make decisions that are in the best interest of their child. If you find yourself in this situation, or one like it, ask yourself:

1. Is there an education quality difference between school districts?
2. Does your child have friends in either school district already? Possibly from preschool or daycare?
3. Which parent is doing the majority of pick-ups and drop-offs? How long is the drive for that co-parent, and will they potentially sit in traffic daily for the child to attend each school?

Instead of waiting, if you know a significant decision is coming up, start the conversation well in advance, giving you, your co-parent, and possibly even your attorneys, a chance to reach an agreement ahead of time. This proactive approach helps mitigate last-minute stress and allows time for potential conflicts to be worked out and resolved.

2. Do Your Homework

One of the ways I recommend my clients avoid conflict is to simply do their research. Whether this is for a summer camp, school, a sport, or any other collaborative decision that must be made, coming to the table with all the relevant information can save a lot of headaches and conflict.?

For instance, if you are trying to decide which summer camp your child will attend before you bring options to the co-parent, do some research to find out which options are feasible for your budget, schedule, location, etc— to find what is going to work best for everyone.

This proactive approach demonstrates your commitment to the decision-making process and ensures that you're equipped with all the necessary facts and figures. By thoroughly researching your options beforehand, you'll be better prepared to discuss and negotiate effectively, which reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings or disagreements.?

Concrete information also allows for a more rational and objective evaluation of each choice, fostering a collaborative atmosphere where all parties feel heard and valued. Ultimately, investing time in research upfront can pave the way for smoother decision-making and foster stronger relationships built on trust and mutual respect.

3. Encourage Financial Transparency and Plan Ahead

Before discussing any decision with your child, it's vital to understand the financial implications involved. For summer activities, I recommend determining:

• How the? costs of camps and other extracurricular programs will be paid??
• The budget for said activities
• Options that work for your unique needs within that budget

Both co-parents must be on the same page regarding budgetary constraints, as conflict will arise if one party suggests schools, camps, vacations, etc. that are out of the budget—either knowingly or unknowingly.?

Additionally, extra care should be taken not to discuss plans with your child until the budget is worked out.?

The average cost of summer sleepaway camp is $1,000-$2,000 a week, and suppose your child’s friends are attending one that costs $1,500 a week, and you say they can go too before speaking with the co-parent responsible for paying for the camp. In that case, your child will not only be disappointed if they learn it’s out of the other parent’s budget, but they may also feel other complex feelings, like resentment, that could have been avoided.

This concept goes beyond summer plans, as financial teamwork and transparency are cornerstones of respectful and cooperative co-parenting.

4. Cooperation is Key

Co-parenting requires a high degree of cooperation and compromise. Regardless of any lingering animosity between the parents, it's crucial to prioritize the well-being and happiness of the child. Approach decision-making with a cooperative mindset, focusing on finding mutually beneficial solutions.

I’ve seen many scenarios where both parents independently plan vacations that overlap with one another. My advice will always be to find a compromise.?

Consider a scenario where both parents have conflicting vacation plans that overlap with the summer schedule. By collaborating to find a compromise, such as alternating vacation weeks or adjusting travel dates, they can ensure that children enjoy quality time with both parents without disruptions.

5. Empower Your Child with Choices and Listen to Their Input

Adolescents often feel a lack of control over their lives, and this can be particularly evident with children of divorced parents, who often don’t get a say regarding much of their daily lives. Providing them with choices, within reason, can help empower them and foster a sense of agency.?

If your child expresses a strong interest in attending a particular school, take their opinion into account. If it is feasible for them to attend, you and your co-parent should strongly consider that option. It is, however, important to ensure that there are boundaries in place when involving children in decision-making and that options are being presented age-appropriately. For example, there should be a significant difference in approach when discussing which day camp your 7-year-old child attends versus discussing college with a 16 or 17-year-old, when they can understand logistical, financial, and other practical factors.

While the final decisions ultimately rest with the parents, it's essential to listen to your child's preferences and concerns. By giving them a voice in these decisions, you validate their feelings and show them that their opinions matter.?

Closing Thoughts

In conclusion, navigating co-parenting decisions requires respect, communication, and a willingness to compromise. By following these tips and focusing on your child's well-being, you can minimize conflicts and achieve productive decision-making—regarding summer activities, schooling, and beyond.

However, if disagreements persist, remember that seeking the guidance of a mediator or legal professional may be necessary. If resolutions regarding your child cannot be reached, the decision will go to a judge. Ultimately, the goal should be making conflict-free decisions with your co-parent that best serve your child’s interests, both now and in the long term.

If you have questions about avoiding conflict with your co-parent or need assistance, please contact our office at (410) 657-2515 or [email protected]. We are here to help! If you want to learn more practical tips for navigating co-parenting, follow me on LinkedIn, where I share tips like these and other recommendations.

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