5 Tips for navigating rejection a a performer

For those, who missed it, yesterday we unveiled our application process for our new Arts Council England-funded neurodivergent cabaret night Organised Fun. (You can read about that at this link).

(For fans of a shameless plug, the next event is this coming Wednesday 15 May at Jamboree in Kings Cross and we have a fantastic line-up including iconic singer and spoken word artist Miss Jacqui, one man karaoke pop maestro Tim Ten Yen, multitalented drag/clown/cabaret artist XO, underground antifolk legend Tom Mayne from David Cronenberg's Wife, cabaret diva Valerie Savage and of course our incomparable compere Gary Paradiso. Tickets are available from this WeGotTickets link.)

As I explained in my previous post we’re massively excited to discover new acts and learn about some great performers we can put on and the logical thing for me to do would be to write a short blog about that. But, of course, we’re a neurodivergent cabaret night run by neurodivergent people and looking to reach neurodivergent talent.

The truth is, excited though I am, I'm also very anxious about the fact that we're not going to be able to put on everyone. I find this very difficult - I hate feeling like I'm "rejecting" people and realise that many neurodivergent people find the possibility of being rejected a very significant barrier in their lives. It's one that I very much identify with.

Because Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - or, to put it simply, a strong emotional reaction to rejection - can be a real barrier for many neurodivergent people, I’ve decided to write a short piece giving some tips on how to navigate the experience of being rejected. Obviously none of this necessarily offsets the emotions of the moment but hopefully it will be of some value.

So read on past the logos below to see my 5 top tips for navigating rejection.

1. Rejection often isn't personal.

Because making music or art is such a personal thing, it can really hurt when someone doesn’t love what you’re doing as much as you do. But there’s lots of reasons why people don’t put an act on at a night. We bill our night as a neurodivergent cabaret night and, because of that, we need everything to have a bit of a performance element. That means there’s things that we love that just don’t quite fit the night. For example, Elliott Smith is one of my all-time favourite songwriters but I can’t imagine an Elliott Smith-style songwriter being the right thing for our particular night.

Even when something fits the night, it’s always possible we just won’t quite find the right night for programme an act on, or think the technical set-up won’t quite work for the venue. So someone might not be putting you on because they don’t love your music but it might be a different reason entirely.

1. But sometimes there are things you could do better.

The one problem with saying that not everything is personal is that it can be understood as removing agency from people and saying there aren’t things you can do that would make a difference. Perhaps you’re still finding your style and confidence as a performer or maybe your material isn’t quite as good as it could be. If you’re not getting the reactions you hope for from promoters or audiences, it’s worth thinking about if there are ways you can improve.

3. However, only ever try to be the best version of who you want to be.?

One of the most brutal and most helpful lessons I’ve ever learned was when I was studying Scriptwriting as part of my undergraduate degree back in 2003. I was trying to write a gothic horror set in Victorian Scotland. This was probably a mistake on many, many grounds and I was a very long way away from my actual skillset but the issue as compounded by the fact I had a tutor who wasn’t a fan or period films or gothic horror and was trying to push me to write a similar type of social realistic drama as I’d been doing in the scripts I’d produced up until that point. There is a very good chance my ham-fisted Victorian gothic horror would have been terrible no matter what but my attempts to compromise between my melodramatic supernatural fantasy and my tutor’s kitchen sink melancholy led to a horrendous mess that offered nothing to anybody.

My point being lots of people will give you advice but it’s important to only take the advice that helps you become a better version of what you want to do. If you’re trying to be the next Radiohead and firmly believe in being judged on the strength of your music without performance getting in the way then trying to become “more cabaret” in order to play our night is probably a terrible idea. (Important Disclaimer: “Radiohead but cabaret” is a pitch that would immensely appeal to me!)

Moreover, if you try to change what you do to suit every night that might programme you then you’re going to likely exhaust yourself and struggle to find a sense of self that you feel comfortable with.

4. Celebrate the fact you took a risk

Being turned down for a gig is rubbish but it’s important to celebrate the success of putting yourself out there in the first place. Sending your creative work to someone, knowing it will be judged, is hard and anyone who does it should congratulate themselves for managing to do so, even if the result was not what you hoped.

5. If you need to, promote your own night!

It’s easy to see event promotion as an unachievable goal that only other people can do but it is honestly more achievable than you think. Over the duration of our funding, we’ll try to write some advice for gig promoters (and gig attendees) but, in the meantime there is a fantastic DIY Access Guide from Attitude is Everything - I work for Attitude is Everything during the day but Organised Fun is totally separate from that work plus the Musicians Union and others give fantastic advice on DIY gig promotion. So, if you can’t find someone who is programming the type of events that you want to play, why not start your own?