5 Tips To Find Common Ground with Everyone

Welcome to my bi-weekly blog about life, work, and adventure at 40 & 50+, and the lessons learned along the way. (Scroll down to read the blog.)?

If this is your first time reading this blog, welcome. As the former co-founder of a pro-age women’s community, recognized Influencer in Aging by Next Avenue magazine, and Facebook Community Accelerator alum, I launched this blog to share personal insights gathered from my journey through middlescence to encourage us to be a little more empathetic and curious about people of all ages. You never know what someone else is going through unless you care enough to ask. Start asking.

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Dear Middlescent,

Last week, I attended a social event for an organization I support, and I couldn’t help but notice what I instinctively did when I walked into the room. And, I’ll bet, you do it too.

I walked in and immediately began scanning the room that was filled with people I didn’t know to find either someone I knew or identify people that “looked” like me. As I walked around, I unconsciously categorized people using basic attributes many of us may use to assess people we’ve never met before, such as gender, age, appearance, body language, and demeanor.

What I didn’t realize was that as I was scanning the room, I was also automatically excluding those that didn’t fit what I was looking for: 1. Either someone I knew or 2. People that looked like me. In other words, I was instinctively insulating myself, but I was also isolating myself from potentially meeting amazing people solely because I walked in with a cognitive checklist of the type of person that I believed I’d feel most comfortable around.

I get it, there’s something “safe” about being around people that look like you, think like you, or act like you. But what are you jeopardizing when you employ this innate cognitive framework at work, in school, in sports, in friendships, and in everyday life?

What if I said that sometimes, all it takes to "fit in" is a change of perspective? Roll with me.

Regardless of how different someone may seem at first glance; I’d bet you could find at least five things you have in common with that person. Here’s a freebie, you’re both human!

Instead of scanning a room to find people that are similar to us, what if we scanned a room to intentionally find people that were different? Short answer, many of us wouldn't do it because it takes effort. It pushes us out of our comfort zone and forces us to be vulnerable with perfect strangers.

As a hybrid introvert/extrovert, I get it. Being uncomfortable is not comfortable. But, what if we all made a conscious effort to mingle with those that are different, and befriend people of all ages, backgrounds, and lifestyles. What commonalities would we be blessed enough to discover? What sparks would ignite? What lessons would be learned? What new friendships, relationships or partnerships would unfold?

The potential is endless. But it starts with each one of us. With our individual willingness to be uncomfortable, until we’re comfortable. To break free from our cognitive checklists of who's “safe” and venture into unchartered waters to find common ground with everyone.

According to Ram Dass, a prolific spiritual thinker, the biggest barrier to our ability to connect – either interpersonally or with the divine – is our collective tendency to make distinctions. Connection is the first step toward relating. It is the necessary, critical, essential skill. ?

Each day offers endless opportunities to build connections. Some will work out. Some won't. But, you won't know unless you try. So, go ahead pick one, dive in and see what happens. And, while you're at it, here’s five #truths to find common ground with others, including people you'd consider different:

1. Look at people with curiosity versus judgment.
2. Be mindful that when you insulate to protect yourself, you also isolate yourself from others.
3. Don’t add your own filter to the word “different.” Different isn’t good, bad, better, or worse, it’s simply not the same as another.
4. Focus your attention on finding similarities, regardless if they’re small or big.
5. To connect and belong is an integral part of our humanness.

With that said, what would it take for you to see past a person's differences?

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