5 Tips for Cultivating a Successful Mentorship

Mentorship is a powerful relationship that has the potential to shape careers, foster personal growth, and contribute to the overall success of individuals.? A vital resource at any phase of a career, a mentor serves as a guide, providing valuable insights, support, and encouragement to a mentee.?

Many of us have had a mentor at some point in our career. Someone who took the time to show us the ropes, help us grow, or keep us accountable. If you're lucky, you may have more than one mentor over time. If you're more fortunate than some, one of those mentors made an indelible impression on your career.? And if you hit the absolute jackpot, you had a mentor like Pete. He wasn’t your run-of-the-mill, everyday mentor.? Here’s why…

I was at a particularly critical juncture in my career when I met Pete. While he wasn’t my manager, he had a more profound impact on me than he might have if I had reported to him.? Within our team of internal consultants, Pete had the most years of relationship building, people reading, politics navigating, project managing, strategy building, program managing, and problem solving under his belt. So, it was inevitable that a “formal” mentor/mentee relationship would evolve in the time we worked together.?

But the thing that moves me in my core still today is what Pete taught me along the way, which I honestly had no idea I was learning at the time.? It was the informal mentor/mentee relationship that shined a light on the path my career could take and helped me appreciate the value I could bring to a team, a project, a company, or a relationship by being my authentic self – asking the questions that I assumed probably shouldn’t be asked aloud, sharpening and trusting my “spidey senses” when something felt off or unfinished, and digging deeper on complex issues.?

Looking back, I don’t really know what came first – was it the mentor/mentee relationship evolving over hours of long project work and conversation which led the two of us to such a deep understanding and friendship, or was it a budding friendship that dismantled my defenses to trust him enough to be truly vulnerable?? His mentorship allowed me to ask questions about what I didn’t understand, admit when I was overwhelmed or confused, or speak up when I would instinctively stand down to enable someone with a bigger or louder voice to speak first.???

When roles were reversed and I had the opportunity to mentor young professionals, I noticed that my perspective on the dynamics of the relationship was uniquely shaped by what Pete had taught me and how he responded to me as my mentor.

Throughout my career, I’ve done research on successful mentorships, having been both a mentee and a mentor.? Based on my experiences, here are five tips for cultivating a successful mentorship dynamic:

1. Continuous Feedback: Establish Clear Communication Channels

Open and transparent communication is the cornerstone of any successful mentorship. Both mentor and mentee should establish clear channels for dialogue, ensuring that expectations, goals, and concerns are openly discussed. Encourage a two-way flow of communication, allowing mentees to express their thoughts and mentors to provide constructive feedback.?

Mentors: Don't assume the mentee knows how you feel about their progress.? Give feedback – the good, the bad, all of it.? Be gentle with the bad – make it constructive and helpful. But don't avoid it if hard conversations aren't your thing! As for the good feedback, this is HUGE to a mentee.? We’re not mind readers! If they're doing something really well or if they have a particular knack for something, TELL THEM!?

There was a day when I was sitting in Pete’s office, reviewing what I’d discovered on a project and discussing plans to move forward.? When I got up to leave, he stopped me before I got to the door and said, “Hey. You’re good at this. You are meant to do this. Trust yourself that you can do this.”? I think at the time I giggled, said thank you, and went back to my desk.? That was over 10 years ago, and I think back to that moment almost daily! ?Pete was a very intentional person; he wasn’t someone who threw around arbitrary compliments, which made that statement resonate with me for years.

2. Driver’s Ed on Steroids: Set Expectations with Realistic and Measurable Goals

Think of a mentorship like driver’s education – obviously the best way for a mentee to learn is by doing!? But it doesn't hurt for the mentor to have some sense of the possible need to step in and assist if things go wrong.? Work together to set expectations and goals. Then, the mentor can sit in the passenger seat to provide guidance and make suggestions. This may not be easy for mentors who tend to have some issues with control, but it’s extremely impactful for the mentee to have a sense of holding the wheel and shaping their own destiny.?

3. Quiet Space is Key: Cultivate Active Listening and Empathy

A successful mentor/mentee relationship is a two-way street.? A mentor needs good listening skills and empathy to really tune into the goals and progress of the mentee. By demonstrating empathy, mentors create a supporting environment where mentees feel valued and understood. Mentees, in turn, should be receptive to feedback and guidance, fostering a collaborative and respectful mentorship relationship.?

Mentors: Let the mentee “sit in it” or “marinate” and process what the two of you are discussing. Don’t just toss some wisdom at them in rapid succession and expect them to reflect and retain. ?If you can allow for opportunities of quiet space, key things can surface.? Pete would say, "Give it a minute. Let there be quiet moments. That’s when you can learn so much about someone.” When he allowed me to sit and think for a bit to process what he’d just told me and formulate my response, that’s when I was able to really grab onto what he was trying to teach me – and those moments stuck with me.

4. It’s a Trustfall, Baby: Cultivate Trust and Respect

Trust and respect are fundamental to any successful relationship.? Both parties should prioritize building a foundation of trust, which includes maintaining confidentiality, honoring commitments, and being reliable. Mentees should have an environment where they can open up about their challenges, seek guidance, and take risks in their professional development.

The most successful mentorships I’ve been a part of (as mentor OR mentee) were those where the mentee felt free to ask questions and be vulnerable.

5. Sharpen Those Spidey Senses: Encourage Continuous Learning

Mentorship is a reciprocal learning process for both mentors and mentees.? Encourage continuous learning by staying informed about industry trends, sharing relevant resources, and fostering a curiosity-driven mindset. Mentors should serve as role models for ongoing professional development, inspiring mentees to seek out new knowledge and skills.? Likewise, mentees can bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas to the mentorship, creating a dynamic exchange of insights.

In addition to industry knowledge and professional skills, Pete emphasized the importance of refining my soft skills and paying attention to my intuition.? It was during the years that I worked with Pete that I learned to really listen to my instincts.? He encouraged me to trust my natural inclinations and work through issues to find a root cause and create a solution.

In the dance of the mentor-mentee relationship, the rhythm is set by communication, trust, and a shared dedication to growth. Whether mentor or mentee, it’s ultimately the authentic connections we forge that can unlock the transformative power of a mentorship, both personally and professionally. As an added bonus, they don’t even have to be “formal” relationships.? Perhaps that’s why Pete’s mentorship was so impactful on my life and career – although I didn’t seek it out, it was profoundly important in shaping who I would become. ??