5 Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Coworkers

For the most part, having friends at work is a good thing — it can ease stress and help you learn the inner workings of a company more quickly, plus it could even set you up for promotion opportunities.

That being said, your work friends and your purely social friends are not entirely the same. Even though you've established a rapport with someone, it doesn't mean they want to hear about the weird rash on your neck in the middle of a workday because they're literally stuck at their desk having to listen.

What this person thinks of you could translate into how everyone at the office thinks of you, so here are five things you probably shouldn't discuss in the workplace. 

1. Don't spread rumors or gossip negatively

Gossip, even without context, already has a negative connotation, but not all gossip is negative gossip. Talking to your coworkers about events or people at work can help you gain exposure to new opportunities, learn how to navigate tricky situations with specific people, and better understand corporate culture.

Gossiping becomes negative when you're talking about one specific person or group in a way that will negatively impact how they are perceived at work. Besides for the obvious reasons as to why that's not a good idea, it also makes you look bad — you're seen as the office "gossip" or the one who likes to "stir the pot." If anyone has ever watched a season of the Bachelor, you'll know that the girls (or guys) who start drama in the house are rarely the ones that stick around for the end of the season. 

2. Don't ask them to cover for you

Going on a vacation you planned at the last minute, or need to run home to take your cat to the vet? These things do happen, but they're definitely not your coworker's problem — so don't put them in an awkward position and ask them to cover for you. If you get caught, it'll be on them too, and that's not a responsibility either of you will want to carry. 

If you're in a pinch, it's better to go to your manager for help making special arrangements for those last-minute, totally unexpected situations. 

3. Don't give compliments on their appearance

I've definitely noticed this one doesn't often come up because most people want to avoid anything that could translate to sexual harassment, but there is a right and wrong way to give a compliment in the workplace. I had a former boss tell an employee he really liked her glasses and that they made here look like a sexy librarian. Well that became a huge mess! HR got involved and the employee felt awkward towards our boss from that moment forward. First and foremost, if you think it could be misconceived in any way, it's definitely not worth it.

However, let's say I see my work friend wearing some really great patterned dress pants and I really want to tell her. The correct way to give that compliment is to focus on the pants, not the person wearing them. For example: 

• Do: "I really love the pattern on your pants, it's so pretty!"
• Don't: "I really love how those pants fit you, they're so flattering!" 

While the "don't" doesn't sound like it would be a bad compliment, it can come off with some underlying thoughts of "Do other pants not flatter me?" and "Do I usually not look this good?" Any compliment phrasing that could plant the seed for doubt and negativity is a no-go. 

4. Don't apologize excessively

I never want to hear another "sorry to bother you" ever again.

You don't need to apologize for talking to me, and setting up the conversation with an apology already gets things started on a sour note. I don't know about you, but if someone says it to me, I'm definitely more likely to go into that conversation with a more pessimistic attitude than I otherwise would've. 

According to behavioral medicine, over-apologizing usually indicates poor self-esteem and conveys uncertainty — two things you definitely want to avoid at work. Plus, when you do need to be genuinely remorseful for something, saying "sorry" will hold a lot less weight if you say it all the time. 

5. Don't ask them how old they are

What better place to talk about ageism in the workplace than a millennial column, am I right? 

There is absolutely no appropriate reason to ask someone how old they are in the workplace; at best it makes people uncomfortable, and at worst it undermines their authority. Instead, ask yourself "What kind of conclusions am I trying to draw by asking them about their age?" Usually, they're things you could already deduce from other questions — if your coworkers seems qualified and experienced in their field, there's really not much else you need to know. 

Image Credit: Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash