5 things that would happen if Louis Van Gaal ran an agency…

As a United fan, I’d normally be really excited to play Liverpool and Manchester within a four-day period and although there would definitely be nerves, there would be nothing like the dread that I am currently feeling when contemplating the next couple of days.

 However, as much as the last eighteen months has been disappointing, I can’t deny that I do have a soft spot for Louis Van Gaal; the sassy press conferences, the singing to fans and the death stares given to journalists who question his tactics have all gained him a soft spot in my heart. Yet I can’t deny that I’m regularly dumbfounded by his decisions or stubbornness.

 After starting Tunafish quite young and more or less learning as I go along, I’ve always found it extremely helpful to take on advice and listen to others, and to try and learn from mistakes and change the plan if it doesn’t appear to be working; all things that Van Gaal doesn’t seem to be fond of doing. Whilst the agency world is a lot more relaxed than the managerial merry-go-round of professional football, how would Van Gaal’s much discussed philosophy transfer to the agency world? Here are some thoughts:

 1: Putting people in the wrong position

The has probably been my biggest bugbear of the Louis Van Gaal/United era and it seems to be something that is not going to go away quickly. I’m not really sure why it’s happening but the Dutch manager does seem to have a knack for completely changing the position of players, in particular when they seem to in a good run of form.

 ‘Anthony Martial has started his United career scoring goals for fun from the central strikers position so what better way to nullify his threat than to put him on the left wing.’

‘Ahh I see Marcus Rashford looks like a natural Premier League striker, I think a spell out on the right wing will really aid his development.’

‘Daley Blind was a great left-back for me at the World Cup, let’s sign him turn him into a midfielder, leave it a year and then change him into a centre back.’ 

‘Ashley Young and Antonio Valencia are good naturally attacking players but let’s see how they perform when we play them in defence.’

‘Let’s play Marouanne Fellaini as a midfielder when he is quite clearly not a footballer.’

If Louis van Gaal ran an agency I imagine it would be pretty much more of the same.

‘The new senior designer seems to be doing quite well, let’s see how good they handle a spell as the accountant.’ 

‘It seems like the social media apprentice has really settled well into office life, I think a spell in business development would really help him along.’

‘I think it’s time that we get the cleaner doing some web design, don’t you?’

2: Give young people responsibility

One of the United tradition’s that Van Gaal has followed is the introduction of young players into the youth team with 14 academy graduates being handed first-team debuts under the Dutchman’s stewardship. Part of this follows on from point 2, but entrusting young people with more responsibility is a theme that Van Gaal has followed throughout his career.

At Ajax he entrusted youth team graduates Edwin Van Der Sar, Edgar Davids, Clarence Seedorf and Patrick Kluivert with places in the first team and won the 1995 Champions League. At Bayern Munich he brought through Thomas Muller, David Alaba and Holger Badstuber through.

I’m a great believer in giving young people responsibility in business and have seen great results both in my own business and in other people’s through this method. However, I also believe it’s important to have senior mid-tier people for them to learn from if they’re ever going to reach their potential, which leads me back to Louis Van Gaal as an agency head…

3. A hiring and firing revolving door leads to an unbalanced team.

Now there is an argument that the reason so many people are played out of position is a combination of a paper-thin squad and an abnormal amount of injuries but it is also worth arguing that the transfer policy that Van Gaal has employed since being at the club has probably confounded matters. Relatively solid squad players in Rafael, Nani, Javier Hernandez, Danny Welbeck, Darren Fletcher and Robin Van Persie have all been moved on for relatively modest transfer fees and the team lacks the depth that it once did.

On top of that, the big name/big money replacements have hardly performed spectacularly. Angel Di Maria was brought in and sold a year later at a ￡10 million loss, Falcao was brought in on an astronomical wage and let go after a year too and many of the other big names haven’t really made much of an impact too. 

All of which has meant that the current team is a bit unbalanced with a gulf between the big earning senior players of the team and a group of youngsters that have been given an opportunity due to the lack of a squad.

But what would go down in The LVG Agency?

Since acquiring the agency in the summer of 2014 there has been a lot to be desired in big Louis’ recruitment policy. Fast forward eighteen months and the business is made up of a distinct split of high salaried director’s brought in from other agencies supported and a group of young and talented apprentices. The big names are under pressure to get results and the young workers are given more responsibility and delivering more client work than they perhaps should be. Middle management is nowhere to be seen.

4: A refusal to hit the client brief

Who cares what the client wants, Louis has a philosophy and he is sticking to it.

5: Stifling the creative team

In his term as United manager Van Gaal has had a host of revered attacking players at his disposal and has seemed to actively coach any natural flair or spark of spontaneity out of their game in favour of a more measured, steady approach.

In the last eighteen months, Van Gaal has seen some of the world’s best creative attacking talents stumble under his guidance with Angel Di Maria, Wayne Rooney, Falcao, Juan Mata, Memphis Depay, Adnan Januzaj and Robin Van Persie all struggling for creativity. On top of that, Van Gaal has abandoned the tradition of fluid, attacking United teams, a fact that Oliver Kay of The Times pointed out through particularly damning statistics, writing: 

‘A statistical trawl yesterday revealed that United have managed one or zero shots on target in no fewer than eight of their past 30 Barclays Premier League matches and in six of the past 21 games. For a club of United’s resources, that is as extraordinary as it is embarrassing. To put that in context, in Ferguson’s final ten season in charge, spanning 380 Premier League games, it happened only 15 times.’

It goes without saying how this would affect agency life once LVG has been placed in charge. Office moral steadily declines, quickly followed by the standard of work and the staff begin to look like they no longer want to be there. Before long those on the outside are talking about how the agency is no longer the powerhouse it once was and other agencies actively look forward to pitching against them. Meanwhile, LVG has told the board that he is a man of integrity and he will step away if the agency starts to decline. Just as he is contemplating a couple of medium sized client wins land and he tells the world the agency has turned a corner and things are looking up.

If you’ve got any views on what an agency would like with Louis Van Gaal at the helm then let me know. I imagine he would be good fun to have on your table at an awards do. Here’s hoping he can get a result tonight (and on Sunday). Thanks, Sam.