5 Things We Can Do to Get Out of a Rut

Yesterday, after posting ‘Are you doing or dreaming?’, several people reached out to say how timely it was for them. One young, vibrant MBA wrote to me that she was currently feeling stuck after a recent disappointment. She shared that she’d been drowning her sorrows binge watching 'Married to Medicine Atlanta'.

Rut Alert! ?? I’ve never watched ‘Married to Medicine’, but I have been there. I've wallowed in despair more times than I'd like to count. Sometimes these cycles of unproductiveness, self-defeating behavior or just the “blahs” strike after a setback, or sometimes they strike when everything seems to be going so well. But haven't you been there, too?

What is a Rut?

A Rut is that snug little hole we retreat to when real life gets hard and our dreams get too scary. It is a cycle of unproductive, self-indulgent or self-defeating behaviors.

Ruts show up in so many ways. You might find yourself self-isolating - refusing to answer the phone, or the door. You may let yourself go, dressing in your slovenly best, and letting self care slide to a bare minimum. You may binge eat ice cream, Chinese takeout or pizza. You may go on a drinking bender with or without friends, doing drugs or partaking in risky sexual behavior, or maxing out your credit card on splurge spending. A rut may show up your repeatedly not being able to make it to work on time.

Regardless of what you find yourself doing these times, the Rut is much more about what you’re NOT doing. The Rut is the consummate state of NOT DOING what you know you should. The Rut is about you becoming distracted from being your best and achieving your dreams.

 Why do Ruts Happen?

I'm no psychologist, but I've found myself in more ruts than I can count, and as a result, I’ve read enough self-help books to a stack a tiny library. Want proof? My 'Self-Development Bookshelf on Goodreads is over 200 books strong.

Gay Hendricks in his book ‘The Big Leap’ describes what he calls 'the Upper Limit Problem'. According to Gay, we experience the Upper Limit Problem when we start actively tearing down our own happiness once we begin approaching the maximum level of success we subconsciously think we deserve.

Ruts happen when our current level of self-esteem doesn’t match the plans we have for ourselves. We could also name this phenomenon 'The Too Good to be True Syndrome'. Ruts happen when we experience the cognitive dissonance of two disparate messages about ourselves and our future.

On one hand we have all our plans and goals for ourselves. On the other hand we have messages that say we are neither capable nor deserving of happiness and success. The problem is that these negative messages usually come bearing PROOF of our lack or potential and/or inability to succeed. This proof may come from our past with awkward or embarrassing evidence of our humble beginnings and past failures. It may also come from our present, with glaring reminders of recent disappointments.

Cognitive dissonance happens to everyone who is growing, achieving and improving.

How to break through a rut?

We get into a rut when we STOP DOING the things we need to do to reach our goals. We can get out of a rut by STRENGTHENING our vision of our best selves, and DOING what we need to get there.

There is a wonderful quote rut-busting quote by Brian Tracy which I keep posted in my work space:

"The foundation of lasting self-confidence and self-esteem is excellence -- mastery of your work."

Do something that aligns with the vision of the excellent person you know yourself capable of being. Do something to break through the cognitive dissonance. Do something makes your REALITY line up to your VISION of yourself in a tangible way.

The way to get out of a rut is to START DOING.

Here are some ideas:

1. Do something nice for yourself that will help you look and feel your best. Get up, take a shower or a nice long bath; take extra time grooming yourself - clipping your nails, styling your hair, applying your makeup. Go to the gym, make a salad, go for a walk, buy a new lipstick or better yet a new journal. Warning: avoid anything that can turn into over-indulgence and deepen your rut.
2. Do something nice for someone else. Ruts often take the form of wallowing in self-pity where we focus solely on ourselves and our own problems. Flip the script and focus on doing something worthwhile for someone else.
3. Develop a mindfulness practice. When I started painting, I had a whole stadium of both internal and external voices yelling in chorus 'what do you think your doing?' I was able to break through the noise with mindfulness and meditation practice. Mindfulness entails building your awareness of what you're doing every moment and staying present in that moment. Mindfulness stops us from going off on a tangent of anxiety about the future, or wallowing in depression about what happened in the past. I recommend reading Thich Nhat Hanh's The Miracle of Mindfulness for this.
4. Clean out your closet. Get rid of the things in your life which aren't serving you. You may need to "edit" your friends list, or at least reduce the amount of time you spend with them. You may want to take the Pizza delivery service off speed dial or put your TV in the basement. Get rid of anything that doesn't support the vision you have of your best self. Ask yourself: will this help me reach my goals? If the answer is no, gently remove it from your daily life.
5. Work on Your Daily Routine. Daily habits are a powerful rut-prevention tool. I rely on an established daily routine to keep myself motivated and in check. When I start to fall away from those routines, things start to go wobbly. My keystone habit (thanks James Clear) is waking up early. Hal Elrod's book 'The Miracle Morning' is dedicated to it. Figure out the most powerful positve habits you can add to your daily life, and work on building them bit by bit.

Ruts happen occasionally to all of us. These cozy places of self indulgence and self-pity might be okay to visit for a few minutes after a setback or maybe for an entire weekend, but we don’t want to live there. Start doing something today. And remember that whatever you choose to do with your precious time and your one precious life, do it with passion and purpose.

Your Turn: Have you been successful in getting out of a particularly deep rut? Share what worked for you in the comments.