5 Things People of Determination Knew Before COVID-19 (that the world is learning)

Four years ago I sat at the end of my bed, after hearing my son's diagnosis only hours before, and wondering how I had failed as a mother to let the word 'autism' be attached to him. As a mother, my instinct was to blame myself somehow and find a way to fix it for him. I suddenly saw him as vulnerable, at risk and unable to enjoy life to the fullest.

A year later we were laying on our backs in Dubai Aquarium holding hands and he showed me the things he could see, the things my eyes would have missed if he hadn't told me. The shine on the bubbles, the movement of colour, the detail on the coral. My son saw, sees, the world in such a magnificent way that being his mother not only gave me that sight, but taught us our own unique way of living each day and night. Life was, and is, magical.

Then, forward in time a little. Two years ago, I sat outside on our villa steps in the moonlight, with just a mosquito candle for company, having not eaten or changed out of pyjamas that day, unable to digest my own news. I wasn't even sure if I had the strength to get myself back up using the walking stick; the walking stick given to me that very day at hospital.

Doctor: "You will always need this walking stick. But, you must keep positive.

I had collapsed, the original fear being a stroke, the outcome being that I, too, like my son would be registered disabled, or as it is called here: Person of Determination. Ataxia down my left hand side, chronic pain throughout my body and a fear of not knowing what was around the corner struck me hard. Weeks later I hobbled through a mall, hating the comments I could hear about me being so young and disabled, and how sad it was. My son ran ahead and hugged the legs of a Wonder Woman statue.

"What are you doing, baby?" I asked once I had reached him.

"It's you Momma," he said. And life changed.

Two weeks ago I ran 10km. I still have chronic aches and nerve pain. But my son taught me how to live differently, more magically, and now amidst COVID-19 people ask how my son is coping. Lockdowns, changing of routines, lack of outdoor play, scary news on the television.... and my son, for the third time, has taught me that the following 5 ways we live our life, really are more important now than ever.

And when I talk to other People of Determination, or parents of children living with disabilities, we seem to be on the same team with this one. So here are the 5 things the world is learning, as can be seen by so many articles and inspirational posts online, that many People of Determination have already mastered.

1. Life is Fragile - grab onto everything real and hold it tightly.

I love to call up old friends and colleagues and simply laugh about the times we had the chance to have together. Now people in lockdown are doing this too! My son's development is different to a lot of other children. And so, every word, sound or eye movement from him is like fairy dust. I appreciate everything. When I ran 10km I thanked the heavens for the pain, because I remember the moment before I collapsed, thinking it was the end, that I'd never get to kiss my son again. Every chance you get, have fun with your colleagues on calls, make time for calls that only involve coffee and a chat with them. And remember that we are only here for a few moments on this earth, and get your work-life balance straight. You've got one shot on this journey of a work-life balance, so take it. Families and workers are appreciating the laughter they had by the water cooler, the free office coffee and the freedom to hang out anywhere.

2. Patience is Gold Dust- be kind to yourself, your world and others.

Some people are uncomfortable when their routine is changed. Others hate routine. I despised routine, until my son needed one for his own development. I wasn't perfect at it straight away, but I was kind to myself and had to learn patience with learning a new way of 'everyday'. The poor ol' tech guys in companies are overwhelmed now. They are having to be patient with people of all generations (hey, I taught a teenager how to snapchat so don't go making stereotypes on the non-tech savvy older folks). Leaders are having to be more and more patient and kinder than ever before. People are nervous, scared, about health and work- everything. Which brings me nicely onto number three.

3. Different = Opportunity (it isn't something that 'worry' can help you with)

Someone asked me, from a psychology and world business perspective, what I think about what people can expect and the 'tomorrow' for COVID-19. I laughed. I haven't a clue, and if anyone tells me they know then I need to start asking them to write my horoscopes. Human beings, families and businesses had to change overnight. It has been a rougher ride for some, and not so for others. The decisions that were taking people years to figure out were decided for them in a day. Like, how do we move to remote working? You just do it, was the answer. Or, where shall we fly for our family vacation? Um, no where. You are going to have to have fun at home, with one another and learn what it means to play board games. Every disability is unique, even if it gets the same label. Every journey of every human being is unique, whether they are considered to live with a disability or not. So whatever tomorrow holds, you have your own bag full of special skills and talents to deal with it. It is likely going to be different, so use this as your opportunity to deal with it in the way you need to. Even if it does mean eating that extra slice of pie.

Oh, and my mother says, "Worry is like a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere." There's that too.

Oh, and my mother says, "Worry is like a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere." There's that too.

4. True Happiness. Time to evaluate what that means to you.

There is research coming out all over the globe, concerning what people miss most during lockdown and assessing the well-being of the world. And, not surprisingly, the one that keeps coming out on top is 'being with family and friends'. All this time raising my son, facing my physical pain and rehabilitation, and walking our journey together, I could not have done it without the love, kindness and support of absolutely wonderful people. Family, friends and co-workers mostly. Yes, along the way it is amazing how many teams will raise the bar and be there for you when you need them most.

The Dalai Lama says that Compassion leads to Happiness, and that part of that is the desire to overcome suffering coupled with the desire for others to achieve this as well. Living in a 'Determined' family has made me acutely aware of the importance of compassion towards everyone, even strangers (and stray animals, but that is another topic). Without the compassion of the UAE government, Emirates Airlines, Ski Dubai, the Dubai Aquarium, our family, friends, teachers and loved ones...... our Happiness may not have reached such great heights and, certainly, my son and I understand what True Happiness is. And, we appreciate compassion. Greatly.

Now is the time to, as the poet Rumi once said and Will Smith spoke beautifully about, know those who 'fan your flame'. And the flame is True Happiness.

5. Health: If you have it, then use every wonderful ounce of it.

I think this speaks for itself.

Gwenhwyfar is an Organisational Behaviourist, Gallup Strengths coach and is inspired by the direction HR is taking across the globe. She’s passionate about creating cultures that give employees a chance to thrive and shine. Solo momma to a little Viking, and registered as a Person of Determination, she is proud of the people she gets to work with along her journey.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article, and in any articles hereto before or hereafter published, are solely those of the author and do not reflect the official policy or position of any organisation or company. This article is an expression by the author to generate discussion, awareness and interest in the topic and does not constitute any kind of professional advice.