6 Things My Dad Taught Me About Love

Jenny Appelbaum, Founder, Jenny Apple Matchmaking

"By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong."

--Charles Wadsworth

I can thank my dad (I actually call him Abba, the Hebrew word for “father”) for a lot of things. He, along with my beautiful mother, raised four children - two girls and two boys - one after the other. They continue to be two of the most generous and easy going people I know even after all the stress and gray hairs we have given them.

 Since this Sunday is Father’s Day, I thought I would share with you the five pieces of advice about Love and Relationships that I learned from having an amazing father!

 #1 Listen more than you speak

This one seems obvious, but it is sometimes challenging. We all tend to think what we have to say is very important. One thing I have learned from my dad is that with age comes wisdom and the ability to know when to speak and when to listen. This is something I have to work on every day, and that I also get the most pleasure from when I am able to really put myself aside and hear what is going on with the person in front of me. Whether you are on a date or have been with your guy for years, this is invaluable advice.

 #2 Give more than you get

When people think of you or speak of you, what are they saying? Do they think of you as someone who is reciprocating invitations, opening your home and heart to friends and people in need, and donating to important charities and occasions? Being a giver in a relationship of any kind is one of the best traits a person can have. However, it should be done not with the expectation of receiving the equivalent in return, but rather simply because you want to help someone feel good or have something nice.

 #3 Admit when you are wrong

There will be many times in your life when you are wrong, and while it isn’t easy, it is very admirable when you can put your ego or your pride aside and just say you were at fault. I am lucky to have a father who knows how to do this, and it has helped me tremendously to move on from a place of negativity into one of forgiveness and change.

 #4 Enjoy the company of others, good books, and good beer

The simple things in life - nature, friends and conversation, reading, and drinking with people you care about - is more meaningful any day than lavish vacations or homes. We always had a busy house filled with family and friends and to this day continue to enjoy large dinners and get-togethers. Being social helps you learn how to enjoy people for who they are and to enjoy the “small” things that matter. The ability to be alone and enjoy hobbies like reading, art, or writing, or in the same room as someone but working or being independent, is a recipe for success.

 #5 Give credit to your partner and when all else fails, laugh!

I always loved seeing my mom busy in the kitchen, my dad working from a home office, and my siblings gleefully running around. But when it came time to eat or celebrate, my dad is always the first to thank my mom for the efforts she puts into creating a beautiful and delicious meal and making the house look so clean and nice. Being grateful and showing appreciation with words and affection is a winning combination for a life of value and joy. Even when things get tense or there is a disagreement, my dad tries to make my mom and his kids laugh and it makes a difference. Allowing yourself to be thankful, acknowledging the effort someone has made to enable you or both/all of you to enjoy something together, and making someone you love laugh is priceless and necessary to a healthy and loving relationship.

#6 Stand up for what you believe in

When you love someone, tell them. When you believe in something and have conviction, do not be afraid to speak your mind. Life is too short and too precious to not share your feelings. If someone is afraid or isn't ready for it, they will let you know by their words or actions, but you will walk away knowing you were vulnerable, put yourself out there, and lived fully. People respect those who have a sense of self and grace, along with the ability to eloquently or assertively say what they mean in a transparent way. We were raised as proud Jews and Zionists who love our people, our land, and our heritage, and anyone who we would be in a relationship with would also have to respect this or be excited about it. By learning how to stand up for who we are, my father taught us that how we treated others and ourselves was very important and would allow us to understand the difference between those who loved us and those who could not or would not. Living with integrity, and the importance of community and God, is something I have been able to share and take with me throughout my life, and that now extends to those I love without judging them or telling them what to believe or love.

Even if you don't celebrate Father's Day, there is still excellent advice in this article to apply in a new or existing relationship, or even with someone you meet for the first time. As always, please comment on what your mom or dad taught you about love and relationships and how it has shaped your outlook on life!