5 Behavioural Shifts to make sure the only Leader you put up on the Pedestal is You

We all find successful people or Leaders we admire. People who inspire us and motivate us to want to become better human beings. Leaders we can learn from and emulate. I refer to leaders in every sense: teachers, parents, coaches, line managers, famous celebrities, sports people, world leaders, teammates, friends, and more.

I’ve always loved learning from people who have really mastered their craft at something. From languages and music teachers at school through to various experts in sales, business growth, meditation, and in more recent years high achieving, highly successful world-class coaches. ?

?Yet through working with many high-achieving leaders, I’ve noticed there’s a difference between how people distinguish between being inspired by someone on a level playing field vs placing them up on a pedestal, which in turn can make all the difference to how they perceive themselves and their own capabilities. Which in turn impacts how they grow and learn in the world to create the kind of jobs and lives that help them thrive. Or they don't.

Learning From Inspiration for Growth VS Learning From Beneath a Pedestal

?When we learn from a place of inspiration it feels empowering. “Inspiro” (Latin) means to breathe life into. Inspiration excites us, it lights us up. It brings opportunities for us to learn, adapt and grow to become better human beings.

?Yet things can become unhealthy when we begin, often without realising, to place these people who make us feel more alive, on a pedestal believing they’re responsible for our feelings. In doing this we place ourselves beneath the pedestal and, at that moment, we give away our sense of self-belief. ?We compare ourselves to them and judge ourselves and them in this process. ??From the smallest thoughts of self-doubt when we compare ourselves to others in a room surrounded by incredibly smart people through to longer-lasting habits when we treat others differently because of how much better than us we happen to think they are based on things like their money, job title, social status, education or fame to name but a few.

Yes, there may be some truth, that they have mastered certain skills and abilities that we have yet to learn.?But our love for learning or being around inspiring leaders can often make us unaware of the pedestals we can create when we begin to compare and judge ourselves, our progress, our ability, and our achievements with someone else.

Some Common People Pleasing and Pedestal Placing Thoughts and Beliefs

Common pedestal placing beliefs and thoughts we can fall into the trap of with a lack of enough awareness could be when we shift too much of our focus to:

?1)???Believe that the other person is so amazing that they’re far more superior and able as human beings than we are…

?rather than focus on belief in oneself.

2)???When we compare and judge ourselves as being less capable than they are…

?and fail to acknowledge the possibilities of our own capabilities to create whatever we want, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel.

3)???When we find ourselves preaching about how great someone else is like they can do no wrong/have no flaws….

..whilst we beat ourselves up about our own flaws, fears, and failures.

?4)???When we look for ways to please them, promote them or get their approval in some way….

?…rather than find ways to show compassion and acceptance towards ourself

5)???We focus so much on their achievements and all the great things they do....to the point we forget to focus on our own.

Ways to Shift the Focus to Your Growth

So how can you better balance feeling inspired by someone and have a healthy level of love for them and yourself as capable leaders vs creeping into pedestal placing, people pleasing, or infatuation territory?

If there is a part of you that has placed people on pedestals…. remember it’s only a small part of you that’s done that. Chances are that behaviour has helped you at some point in your life. And so, you began to do it more.

?If you have a pedestal placing or people-pleasing monster that you can recognise, observe it without judgment and welcome it. Then notice:

1)???Where does this part of you appear and what is it about it that helps you?

2)???How does it hold you back?

3)???What one thing can you change to focus more on you?

?Further Self-Coaching Questions

1)???Where are you Judging and Comparing? Where do you judge how great they are and how do you compare as “not as….(fill in your blank here”).

2)???What are your 1-3 strengths and capabilities that you need to remind yourself of?

3)??How can you have compassion towards yourself for it?

4)???What learnings can you accept from this?

5)???What action do you want to take to shift your habits in this context?

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About the Author

Reema Gainley is an Executive Performance and Mindset Coach and the Founder of Lead from Within.?A Leadership Development and Business Growth consultancy that supports High-Achieving, Impact-driven CEOs and senior leaders in global Tech and Digital industries to achieve sustainable success. Clients include leaders at Digital Agencies and High Achieving, VP and Senior leaders at Global Tech Companies.

With 20 years of experience, Reema worked for 13 years in the Technology industry, where she held Strategic Partnerships and VP-level roles at Silicon Valley-based companies. After which she went on to be the founder of a niche Executive Recruitment business for 5 years.

Reema is also a Mentor to agency leaders and a Co-Chair of the Wellbeing Council at BIMA, the UK’s leading voice for the Digital and Media Industries. And, heads up UK Partnerships for The Yoga of Immortals through which she has studied extensive meditation and Mindset practices for 10 years.