5 Things to Look For When Choosing a Life Partner
Falling in love has never been easier. Online dating has made love so accessible that it’s as easy as filling out a compatibility quiz or swiping left to pick a date.
But before you enter into a relationship with someone, they have to meet some criteria on your list.
Is he tall, athletic, and has a sense of humor? Does he show compassion to the stranger sitting next to him on a bus? Is he confident about himself, his goal, and his decisions? Does he respect the barista who serves him at the coffee shop?
Too often, the players meet our list. The problem is we narrow our searches to a specific group of people so we miss the chances of attracting the right people — the ones with genuine feelings.
If you are on a search for a long-term partner, you may be missing a few steps on your check-mate list. So stick around to know what those are to avoid making an irreversible mistake.
How to reveal someone’s real personality without trying so?hard
Getting to know a person behind their words requires critical analogy that most people don’t practice. Players hit us with the right words, but their actions speak more volumes if you are paying attention.
You will have to separate your emotions to know if someone is real, or not. But what if you are a love-struck person and can’t trust your feelings to guide you?
What then?
Well, don’t worry. I’m here to reveal some questions that get the player out of their shelves and expose the real person behind the mask. So to know if you are dealing with a man of integrity or a player, asking these questions can help you know who they really are.
1. If you can be any celebrity in the world, who would it be and?why?
I met Tom at a Rotary Club open ceremony in 2020. He seemed like the type of guy you could easily pass for “nice.” So I didn’t pay much attention to second-guessing myself.
We hit it off pretty quickly cause, you know, I love guys with brains. He’s intelligent. Got a good sense of humor, which made the boring occasion less depressing.
Tom isn’t physically charming, so it wasn’t about beauty when I said yes to a date when you asked me out.
Our date was going well, then we breached a topic on favorite movies. His attraction for old classics was stunning.
I found him more fascinating as he spoke with a delirious tone about his love for “End of games” and “The Revolutionary.” His iconic role model is Jon Voight, who also acted in the two movies. He went on and on to praise his uncanny skill in acting.
Tom is a lovable guy, but if his role model is an actor with a questionable character, who thinks racism doesn’t exist and is a Trump loyalist, that opened my eyes to who Tom really was behind his flattering words about me.
And I wasn’t wrong when he explicitly said Trump was the answer to America’s problems.
Even when a player pretends to be nice, they can’t help but show off their love for their role models. Their personality and sense of judgment are usually an imitation of the person they admire.
2. If you are given a choice to gain one ability, what would it?be?
Do you know why first dates are a bore? It’s because we repeat the same boring questions over and over again?
Questions like, “Where are you from? What are your hobbies? Do you like pets? How many siblings do you have?” Don’t lead you to answers that reveal a person’s real character.
Plus, a player already knows how to twist their response to make them look more attractive when you ask direct questions about them.
So get creative with your conversation and chip in indirect questions that lead them to show who they really are unconsciously.
Whenever I asked a player what abilities they wished to have, 6 out of 10 said they wished they could read my mind to know how I feel about them. The rest either wished they could change their past or wanted more power to make me trust them.
I have realized that trustworthy worthy men are not interested in proving they are genuinely good people. Most times, when I ask the same question to honest men, they usually say something related to their work life or something abstract like a trip to Mars.
Honest men don’t wish to know what you are thinking of them but rather, they focus on showing you who they really are because they want you to do the same.
3. What is your most treasured accomplishment?
If you’ve ever dated a player, you will know they are all about themselves and their success.
Well, it won’t hurt to feed their ego if you dig deeper. When someone is trying to impress you, they can easily slip and reveal a side of them most people don’t see.
When I ask my dates what accomplishments made a difference in their lives, honest people usually relate a story about humanity. How they saved a dying friend, a job or an award that taught them some moral value.
Too often, honest people a more about changing themselves or improving their careers. There not spend their time wondering how to look appealing to the latest chic on the block.
But the players will rant about the awards or success that boost their ego. Their game is to look irresistible, so faking accomplishment that makes them look grounded sells their ego.
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If you want to know if someone is honest about their feelings, when you ask about their accomplishment, watch out for compliments that exaggerate the story they tell.
If he tells you how he won an award as the best humanitarian person in the world and yet, he is arrogant to you and everyone else, that is enough to open your eye to his true character. It’s wise to expect one’s accomplishment to match their true character.
4. What do you do when a joke is too serious to laugh?at?
I’m sure you will agree that calling someone ‘fatty’ or ‘fat’ is rude. Someone fat people are insecure about their body, so calling them fat is like adding salt to the injury.
What if the person doesn’t call you fat, but says “I’d love to hug you now but, my ribs will probably crack before I can wrap my arms around you.”
That may sound cute, however, it’s an indirect way of calling the person fat. Isn’t it?
When someone is pretending to be friendly, they use sarcasm a lot to hide a direct attack on your image or body.
You may think their compliment is cute but when you take a close look at the meaning of what they said, you will notice you do feel awful if the statement is described in one or two words.
When someone insults you, the perfect reaction will be to call them out immediately. Like the GI Jane joke, Chris pulled on Jada Smith about her shaved hair.
We impulsively react to abuse even when they are framed as jokes. We get offended and may fire back with a similar joke, or take things extreme and hit them as Will Smith did to Chris.
If his responses show that he doesn’t take sarcastically disguised abuse seriously, you can bet he is either an abuser or he expects you not to take insults personally when he does it.
And if he retaliates verbally or physically, there is a possibility he has some unresolved temper issue. This doesn’t mean he’s inherently a bad person.
How a person reacts in a certain situation can tell how disciplined they are towards their emotions. If they go off book repeatedly, that’s who they really are, and you should be worried about your safety.
But if they always act unbothered, then they’re possibly pretending not to be offended, and that should be a sign they are not honest about themselves.
5. What do you value most in your?friends?
You know what they say, show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are. This statement works too often.
I’m a friendly person, but I have two people I value dearly and that is because we all have similar personalities. We don’t envy each other, we focus on ourselves and our careers, and we aren’t afraid to call a thing ‘white or black’ as it is.
Friends are people we can trust and are loyal to. And not people we benefit from. That’s why most people do not have friends.
We feel happier without friends if the people around us show no concern about us — our problems and our aspiration but have no qualms dumping theirs on us.
If you want to know whether the person you are dating is sincere about their feelings or if they are playing you, take their response about friendship seriously.
You can tell if a person values their friends or not by the way they describe their friends. If they say only nice things about their friends, do not believe them. No one is that good without flaws.
If they say only bad things about their friends, then you should be concerned because it’s either they are the bad friend or they have no friends at all. And you rarely see a trustworthy person without friends.
Parting words
Casual relationships often take out the complication in deciding if a person is right for you or not. When you’re dating someone casually, you may not be interested in who they are because you don’t want to attach any feelings to them.
But it doesn’t hurt to know more about the person you’re dating. And if you are looking to take your casual relationship to a permanent phase, then you will need an ace up your sleeve when choosing a life partner.
It’s true some people are good at faking their character, but no one can stay fake for so long if you communicate in the right direction.
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About author
Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life.?Sign up to my newsletter?& more cool stuff.
This article appeared?here.
#relationship #selflove #courtship #society #dating