5 Things I Learned In 2023
I hit the "pause button" on ConHealth in late 2023 out of necessity. Starting a business is hard. It's also incredibly rewarding. And while this edition of my newsletter is not directly related to Safety and the intersection with myriad factors before we ever step foot on the job site and how that affects our performance, I wanted to make time to share some life lessons. If we aren't growing, we are moving backwards. Time marches forward, after all.
1) It was the best of times; it was the worst of times...
The words above are from the first sentence of the classic novel A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. Admittedly, being someone who values the written word from the perspective of both a writer and reader, these words meant something very different to me this year. I'm paraphrasing here, but a good friend once said to me, "Family is Everything."
For many of us, Dad can be our Superhero! As the sands of time pass through the hourglass even for me, I realize now, more than ever before, why God gave us earthly fathers. So, whomever the "Superhero" is in your life, make sure you invest the precious time you have in that relationship. The brevity of the time you are allotted is just that; we are all here only for a moment. We are but dust in the wind.
You will be glad you did when that time comes to an end. None of us can pick our birth families, but we can make the most of the time we have with them and invest the quality into these relationships they deserve. Because at some point, the "worst of times" can, and will be, the "the best of times."
2) Judgment Kills
I almost titled this point "judgment is a silent killer", but my mind immediately rejected and corrected that thought. Instead, I would like to make the case that judgment can be a silent killer, but more often than not, it is our words that are our swords.
If you think back to the last time you felt judgment-it won't be hard, unfortunately-you will immediately recognize its power. In your case, it may have been a look from someone else, their posture or bodily movements in your presence, and of course, there are the words which can cut like a knife.
I want to challenge you to evaluate those around you who you spend the most time with, and ask yourself these questions:
Do they lift me up, or do they tear me down?
If it is the latter, I strongly encourage you to evaluate that relationship.
Is this a relationship that needs mending, or one I need to break away from entirely?
If it needs mending, Mend It!
-OR, if not, the question might be -
Should this person be in my life? Are they someone who values and deserves my time?
If "mending" is the immediate answer, ask yourself -
Will my relationship with _____x_____ benefit from more quality time? What does it need to be mutually beneficial? To flourish?
If the immediate answer is "Yes", Invest It!
Only you can decide, but judge carefully. Judge carefully, and act swiftly! (You will thank yourself later)
If you also see yourself in a constant state of being judgmental, ask yourself, "Why?" Yes, self-exploration is worth the investment, and long-term, is an investment that compounds and has the potential of exponential returns. Resolve to get to the bottom of your own true self, and your perspective and views about yourself and your interactions with others.
This is the killer: If the judgment is constantly being projected toward you, from someone close to you, daily, know that judgment kills!
3) "Hope" is the Most Powerful Human Emotion
I fully believe in this statement! At the same time, I am working on defining it for myself. What I can say, is that I am hoping (and hopeful), with a measure of faith like never before, for fourteen more years. There is nothing I can do to change the timeline. I'm asking God, with all the faith and hope that I can muster, for fourteen more years! That's all I am going to share at the moment.
Find hope in something that is beyond your control, and resolve to have hope in an outcome that passes human understanding.
4) Watch What You Do, and Watch What You Say, Because People Watch What You Do and Watch What You Say
Sounds Dr. Suessian, doesn't it. I once read or heard what I believe to be the best definition of Integrity:
Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching ~ Anonymous
I make as many mistakes as the next person. Probably more. What I will say, adamantly, is that I try to live my life by a core value system. Each person you meet has their own. Many of these values are learned. As we age, they are developed, shaped and molded. We are all chiseled works of art. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
Am I living by a value system?
Is it learned?
Is it developed? Or, developing?
You see, just like an author would speak about a story in development, we are all "a work-in-progress."
The bigger question is this:
Am I living by my values, or am I living life situationally?
If it is the latter, the first question you should ask yourself is, "Why?"
Here's the rub. The wind will blow a leaf where it wants it to go. Water always finds a way. It will always find a new path and flow forward.
So, are you a leaf? When life gets hard, and tough, and challenging and overwhelming...
Are you a leaf in the wind (This represents situational decision-making)
-or-
Are you more like water? (This is making decisions based on your value system)
Do you notice yourself finding your way through life's challenges in such a way that your values remain intact while still moving forward?
Living life by making decisions situationally will never work. Period. End of Story!
As you look for new paths that align with who you are and what you believe when you have tough decisions to make-and hopefully find them-remember to stay true to your value system.
So, again, in Dr. Seussian fashion:
- Only You Can Be You, So Just Decide, To Be You -
Don't allow situations to determine your decisions and thus outcomes. You were made with the exact amount of strength to navigate life no matter the circumstances. Its Biblical! And I can stand behind that with all of who I am!
5) Embrace Nostalgia While Practicing Self-Discovery
It's amazing to me what I can learn about myself when I allow myself the time to do just that.
Earlier this year, I took a chance when giving some advice. It felt like the kind of advice that would either label me as a "certified nut," or on the other end of the seesaw, someone with an air of brilliance. Despite the voice in my head and the flashing yellow sign that read, "Proceed with Caution", I gave the advice with confidence, anyway. What could it hurt? Personally, I believe I signed the release form to be a "partially certifiable nut" when I entered the recruiting business. If you are doing it right, your brain is total mush by the end of the day!
("Phone a friend" who is a talent professional if you need that statement to be validated as a fact)
In all honesty, I love what I do for a living, and I am completely aware that not enough people in the world can make that statement.
Here is the link with the advice: Allow Yourself to Be Bored!
~ TED Talk, Dr. Manoush Zomorodi
Now, let's go back to my point.
I received a letter from a friend just before the holidays. I wrote back, and as a part of his second letter to me he wrote this:
"It sounds like you're a bit nostalgic nowadays. I'm with you. I used to be more liberal. Now, I consider myself a moderate. Precisely, I suppose I'm a Burkean progressive. I have a healthy respect for constructive traditions and the immensely important role they play in our civilization. But I also favor positive, deliberate change when it is called for."
Admittedly, I had to look up "Burkean progressive." Edmund Burke (1729 - 1797) was an Irish philosopher. He is known for what is called the "Trustee model." Here is the description by Wikipedia:
This model was formulated by Edmund Burke (1729–1797), an Irish MP and philosopher, who opposed the delegate model of representation. In the trustee model, Burke argued that his behavior in Parliament should be informed by his knowledge and experience, allowing him to serve the public interest.
I don't know philosophy like my friend does. Philosophy for my best friend goes back to his days as a professor and graduate student. He studied philosophers like Nietzsche and many others. Too many to list. Some of the philosophers he studied and their concepts are above my ability to comprehend. Unless, I made a conscious decision to really dive into them with an interest like Richard Feynman, who believed that anyone could learn anything-and with practice become an expert in a specific subject matter-under a 4-step model. One of the basic tenets within this model is the following:
Can you explain it (subject "x") to a 5-year-old so that he or she will understand it?
In my book, that's a tall order when you are talking about a subject like Organic Chemistry. Nonetheless, I believe, with a childlike faith, that it can be done.
So, I would have to agree with his assessment, and perhaps learn more about Burkean philosophy. It might do me some good. Who knows? But I will make the time to explore it and allow myself the time for "self-discovery." It may be a philosophical concept worth knowing, and may, change my perspective on some of my beliefs that would benefit from close evaluation. I'll let you know, when I know.
"Bonus Tip" for 2024
This extra tip I leave you with is a nice parallel to point 5. In both a forward-looking and backward-looking manner, each year I choose a word that has defined the year past, or will define the year forward. For me, this practice goes back to 2020. It was a day I vividly remember. Compassion was my word for 2020. Specifically, looking back on 2020, and then forward to 2021, I wanted to have more compassion for those around me; unknown, known and anywhere in between. True, human, compassion for all people.
In 2023, my word was refuge. You will hear more about this in time, as it sparked the idea for a book (I shared earlier that I was a writer.)
Here's the verse from Psalms 34:8 (NIV). It is well worth finding in the Bible, spending your own time with it, and digesting it for yourself, if it makes sense. It reads:
Taste and See that the Lord is Good;
Blessed is the One Who Takes Refuge in Him ( capital letters for emphasis )
In closing, I would like to challenge you to reflect on 2023, and remind yourself of the blessings you saw and felt and that were evident, and thus "real" in your life.
Then, make some time in your busy schedule to reflect, and project, what you would like to see in yourself by the end of 2024. I promise you it will be worth the time, and you will then have a point of reference, appreciation, and healthy perspective and respect for the year behind and the year ahead on December 31, 2024.
P.S. I'm excited to hear your "Word of the Year" for 2024! (and maybe 2023 once you have evaluated the year that has now past us by)
Will you share? I'd enjoy the discussion and would love to hear your story about 2023, and what you hope for in 2024!
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