5 surprising self-help tips to kick poor communication habits

My name is Richard, and I am an addict. I have indulged in many poor communication forms at work. And I have a hard time quitting. And I know I am not alone. Old habits die hard, and addictions take real effort to kick.

Often, forever.

There are many lists of becoming a better communicator, some more helpful than others. If you need to be told it's bad form to interrupt people, this list is not for you. This is my top 5, and I have partaken in any and all of them. I hope that in sharing my temptations, you can help me kick them, for good. It's an ugly list, so I include steps I have found helpful in not falling off the wagon.

1. Beginning any form of communication with "I just wanted to…" or the like. I consider this the least insightful on this list, but have it here because it seems to grow in popularity rather than be banished to the heaps of harmful phrases where it belongs.

• Step 1: Think twice before using this anywhere: this is not the soft lead-in you may think it is. It's actually a negative. Subconsciously, you just said that whatever follows next is not important to you. And, chances are, you're actually right: it's not.
• Step 2: Umm, don't think twice. Just don't use this at all.

2. Over-using "Umm", "you know", "actually" or some other filler. "Umm" is my personal vice, and let me tell you, it never served a function. It just crept in there, and I hate this addiction.

• Step 1: Practice. Know your material. Focus on the areas where you struggle and greatly reduce your use of these hesitation words as they are distracting and damaging to your personal brand.
• Step 2: For big presentations, record making a presentation to yourself. Be disciplined and present exactly as you would. I know it's weird. You'll cringe watching it, but in there lies the learning, …if that makes sense.

3. "… if that makes sense" at the end of a statement. When I say this, chances are even I am not happy with the phrasing I just used.

• Step 1: A better method would be to recover by saying something like "let me rephrase…" or, if you can still recover, "in short…"
• Step 2: And if you find yourself saying this a lot - chances are you would benefit from more preparation. And why would you not?

4. "Why..." statements, when it's used to ask something other than what matters. Obviously there is nothing wrong with the word. Its use in business however, is often a reflection of an emotional reaction, rather than a (f)actual inquiry.

• Step 1: Begin noticing the word, and it's meaning. The "5 whys" methodology is well known and similar in what I am trying to convey here: "Why" is probably not the right question, it probably something closer to "what is causing this?".
• Step 2: The answer to the "why" often gives context, and can inform a conversation focused on solutioning. So, it's not all bad, but too often a distraction to the real issue. I just thought I should point that out.

5. Stating the reason for the question - after the answer has been given. It's remarkable how often this happens. In meetings, it's typically followed by an awkward silence because, well, it is awkward…

• Step 1: Nothing wrong with stating the reason for a question. But, that time is when you ask it, not after you've gotten the answer.
• Step 2. I believe this practice is fueled by seeking self-validation. If so, that should be just as easily achieved by?asking up front.

There are, of course, many more bad communication fallbacks I succumb to. If you want to hear more, I am game. Do you have your own communication vices that you wish you could kick? Please share!