5 subtle mistakes in dating (#4 will open your eyes)

“What's the number #1 mistake that keeps career-focused men from finding the right partner?”

As a dating coach, I get asked this question ALL THE TIME.?

My answer?

They don’t drink enough coffee.??

Come on folks, coffee is life.?

No coffee no partner, as simple as that.?

On a more serious note: after some time I was asked this question, I reflected on my clients’?journeys and came up with a realization.?

Many mistakes are not about saying or doing, they are about thinking.?

In today’s Newsletter, I’ll share the top 5 beliefs that keep professionals and entrepreneurs from finding the right partner. If you’re on this journey, you might realize you’ve been sabotaging your dating life the whole time without even knowing it (and hopefully, fix it ??).

Let’s dive into them:?

?? Belief #1: Dating is something that naturally happens.?

I’ve always grown up with this naive belief that “the right person will come”. ??

That’s why I spent years of my life focusing on my studies and career, assuming that the dating area would naturally take care of itself. After years of getting ZERO dates, this assumption started revealing its limitations.?

I mean, just think about it...

You’ve probably invested some energy in looking for the right job, crafting the proper CV, and preparing for the interview. You didn’t naturally find yourself at the desk where you are right now.?

You had to set a goal, put yourself on the right path to achieve it, and do the work. In other words, you had to be intentional about it.??

For some reason though, we are brought to believe that we are entitled to forget about dating and end up with our dream partner between our arms nonetheless. If finding the right person is a goal of yours, realize that taking responsibility and making a habit of meeting women consistently is the first step you need to take.?

Before we get to the second belief, I want to give a warm welcome to the Newcomers.?

In this LinkedIn Newsletter, I share in-depth information to help career-focused men connect with their dream partners, together with some behind-the-scenes of my and my clients’ journeys.?

Subscribe to avoid missing out on the next editions (the subscription is anonymous, your LinkedIn connections cannot see it ?? )?

All right, back to:

?? Belief #2: You have no time for dating.

I’ve been guilty of this for centuries.?

I was working 10 hours a day.?

Caught up in that noise, I wasn’t even thinking about dating anymore.

And when coming back home after a long working day, I was spotting a cute girl on the way, one thought was immediately kicking in:

“I don’t have time for dating” ??

The truth is, I was lying to myself.

Let me ask you an uncomfortable question.?

If your dream woman knocked at your door and asked you out, would you tell “I don’t have time?”

Even if you were extremely busy, chances are you would make that time.?

Time is not the real issue.???

Something about the process of finding the right person is holding you back.?

Maybe it’s fear of rejection, maybe it’s a negative past experience, or maybe you’re not sure how to start this journey.?

Whatever it is, recognize and acknowledge it.?

On top of that, dating does not require much time, if you have the right strategy and stick to it.?

I’ve seen clients find the right person by investing a couple of hours per week.

Talking of which… a special shoutout goes this time to my client Miguel, who has recently found the right partner. ??????

This didn’t “just happen”. It happened because he had the right strategy and stuck to it.

But hey - you might want to hear this from him:

?? Belief #3: You need to work on yourself first.

Have you ever thought “I need to be/do X before I can start dating?”

Where “X” can be making that next career step, getting that promotion, or that extra pound of muscle.??

Don’t get me wrong… I’m a big fan of personal development. However, nobody says you cannot improve yourself while starting dating at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.

And not only that!

Going on dates will automatically shed some light on areas of yourself you need to improve.

Things you might never become aware of before you start dating. ??

In other words, dating is the perfect catalyst for personal development.?

The sooner you’ll start dating, the faster you’ll grow as a person.?

?? Belief #4: You’re too picky to find the right person.

“I can’t find the right person because I’m too picky”.?

First things first: having standards is a good thing ??

You SHOULD indeed be selective with the person you want to spend your life with.?

Being picky is never a problem!

The problem is when people use their high standards as a reason to avoid taking action.?

Time for some real talk, people.?

There are billions of women on Earth.?

Even if you have a thing for models who play Call of Duty, you’ll still find some.?

So what’s the solution to being picky??

Working either harder or smarter (ideally both).?

Harder means connecting with more women, and smarter means having a strategy to meet prevalently the kind of women you’re genuinely interested in.?

?? Belief #5: You simply haven’t been lucky yet.?

When you compare yourself to others, you might not understand why some people are already in a relationship they enjoy and you’re not there yet.?

Maybe some of them invested more time in this area of their lives, while others were just lucky enough to meet the right person at the right time.?

Fair enough, we need luck in our lives.??

Let me ask you a question though...?

Let’s say you commit to connecting with 5-10 new women every single week.??

Will you have higher or lower chances to “get lucky” with respect to someone who never puts himself out there??

And let’s look at it the other way around.?

If you never get to know new people, can you really blame the Universe for not bringing someone knocking at your door?

And most importantly, are you willing to take the risk that this is never going to happen? ??

Start putting yourself out there consistently, and not only you’ll connect with amazing women along the way, but you’ll also be proud of being the type of person that does not leave Chance to decide for him.

I hope this article could help you overcome some of the negative beliefs that are currently holding you back in this area of your life!

Obviously, putting yourself out there is only a part of the equation.?

The other is becoming strategic about where and how to meet the kind of woman you’re genuinely interested in.?

If you want to learn more about it, feel free to send me a message.?

We’ll see together if and how I can help you with that.

The Coach recommends…

My friends know how much I love coffee.?

Coffee is not a drink, it’s a ritual.?

It puts a smile on my face every time I open my laptop.?

So how about coffee in cocktails????

Today’s recommendation go to the Insomnia cocktail.?

(I know, she caught me unprepared…)

I’ve recently tested it in a cocktail bar having a focus on Tequila and Mezcal and I was blown away.

Here is your ticket to Heaven, Gentlemen:

• Tequila A?ejo?
• Espresso liqueur
• Vanilla syrup
• Espresso (I mean, you could see this coming...)

I don’t have the doses, so you’ll have to go trial-and-error if you are a fan of the do-it-yourself.???

Did any of you try versions of it with a different base (e.g. Vodka)? I've only heard of it, never tried it...

I hope you enjoyed the Newsletter! ???

Go check out the previous editions if you haven’t done it so far!?

Also, is there any specific topic you would like me to cover in the next one? My goal is to pack this Newsletter with value, so I’m open to suggestions!?

Until then, all the best for your journey.??

Take care.

Your Coach.?

Marco