5 Steps to Recognize and Eliminate the Villains within you

‘I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.’-Thomas Alva Edison

Our beliefs define our interpretation of the world around us. They are like camera filters which determine how we look at our lives. Things which we focus on, what we pay attention to and even ones that pass over us are all a function of our beliefs. 

They are the reason why two people may look at the same event differently. One person may feel dejected and cling on to failure and another may look at that same event as a learning and move forward. ‘Failure is bad’ is one of the most common beliefs that we have today. The fear of failure stops many of us from trying out new things in life. Imagine if Edison had the same belief? The world around us would have been a lot different. 

How are beliefs formed?

Our core beliefs are formed while we are children. They are a result of the interactions we have with our parents, siblings, or friends. When we are very young, we are unable to objectively distinguish between what is true or false and we often accept what has been told to us as the truth. They are also shaped by our own experiences and inferences of the things happening around us. 

Our beliefs get enforced when we keep receiving the same messages consistently. We start forming an impression of ourselves and the world based on what our environment tells us. Given below are a few examples of how some popular beliefs are formed.

Even though beliefs are formed when we are young, they play an important part throughout our lives. They determine how we lead our lives, how and what decisions we make, how we perceive our capabilities, which experiences we choose or avoid and sometimes even how we treat people around us. Thus, it becomes very important to understand and identify which are the negative beliefs which are holding us and make conscious efforts to replace them.

Changing negative beliefs

It helps to start with an acceptance that it is not easy to change a belief. You have been believing in something for years, having multiple internal chatters about those beliefs daily and also establishing that they are true by moulding your meaning from the events in accordance with those beliefs. But even though the journey is strenuous (not necessarily long), there is a way.

Step 1: Identifying the core negative belief

It starts with first identifying which negative beliefs are you harbouring in your mind. This can be a tricky one and sometimes requires you to reflect on your life. It is recommended you do this with a notebook and a pen and let your thoughts flow.

Start with identifying thoughts that trigger a negative emotion in you (fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc.). These thoughts are usually followed up by a behaviour pattern like procrastination, addictions (like smoking), sleeping, etc. Writing all these thoughts down and then drilling them down with multiple levels of self-questioning will help you find your core negative belief. 

For example, imagine you are sitting in a work meeting and there’s one important point that you are contemplating to talk about with your boss and colleagues. A similar thought might come to your mind “I have this idea that I think can work. But what if it isn’t that good and everyone just ignores it. Or what if it is a such a stupid idea that everyone starts questioning my intellect? It’s better I just keep it to myself.” This thought pattern may also trigger a sense of anxiety and fear inside you. Or even anger after the meeting when you realize you couldn’t contribute much to the discussion. 

Let’s drill down this thought with more layers of questioning.

“I think my idea would be stupid or not worthy enough to be discussed.” 

‘Why is that so?’

“Because I think I am not as smart as my colleagues and I don’t want them to judge my capabilities with what I am saying.” 

‘You got this role after a rigorous recruitment and selection process. That itself has established that you have the necessary qualities to deserve this position. What makes you believe that you are less capable than your colleagues?’

“Because I have had such experiences in the past. I vaguely remember a time in school when my teacher asked me a question I couldn’t understand. My answer had the whole class laughing and my teacher asked me to go out of the class.”

‘Okay. So there was a question that you did not understand at that time. Maybe you were not comfortable with that subject. Or maybe you were just not paying attention to what was being taught in the class. That doesn’t mean that you are not smart. Also, school kids at that age look for reasons to have fun in the classroom. Their laughing at your answer doesn’t exactly mean that you are stupid. So why have you given it that meaning?’

“Because it doesn’t happen with anyone else! It’s only me. It’s just that I am not worthy enough.”

Voila! You have found your core belief: ‘I am not worthy enough.’ 

But the exercise doesn’t end there. Try to understand your other interrelated core beliefs that might be playing in this situation. You can do this by changing your questions. In this example, one other core belief that you might have is that ‘Failure is bad.’ This belief might hold you back from sharing your thoughts freely with a fear that if those thoughts do not get accepted, it is bad for you.

Step 2: Neutralizing your old experiences that give power to this core belief 

After you have identified the core belief, think of memories from the past which might have enforced this belief in you. In the above example, one such memory can be the classroom incident. There was a meaning that you gave to that incident-you said something stupid and your classmates made fun of you.

The next step now is to give an alternate meaning to this whole experience. Like we described in the above example, you could not give a correct answer because you might have not been paying attention to was being taught at that time. Or you might not be interested in that subject. It happens to the best of us. And your classmates laughed because they found a reason to enjoy that boring class. They might even be appreciating you for waking them up from their thoughts as they themselves were not too involved in that class!

Think of 2-3 more memories like this. The idea here is not to find out the true meaning of each incident but to accept and understand that there can also be multiple alternate meanings to what you have originally believed. And then accepting the meaning that favours you.

Step 3: Replacing with empowering belief

Now comes an important step. You need to negate your core belief and replace it completely with a new empowering belief. And write it down in a piece of paper to give it more power.

In this example, you replace the belief completely with-

‘I am an individual with my own special strengthens. I am worthy and capable enough to be respected and I can make valuable contributions to whatever I do.‘

Frame an empowering belief that completely shatters the core belief. Make this new belief an assassin that completely kills the meaning of the core belief in your mind.

Step 4: Establishing empowering belief with proofs

You have formed your empowering belief. Now is the time to give it more power. Think of experiences or incidents that confirm your new empowering belief.

 Remember the time you worked hard and got admission to one of your dream colleges? Or the time when you performed well in a project and was praised by your boss/colleagues? Also, when your friends thanked you graciously for helping them with something? Think of all your achievements in life no matter how small. Who said you are not capable?

Step 5: Repeating empowering belief

We know our negative beliefs became stronger because of the innumerable internal chatters we had about them throughout our lives. We also gave special attention to events around us that confirmed those beliefs.

It is time to use the same tactics with your empowering belief. Keep reminding yourself internally of this empowering belief. Tell yourself that you are important and see your strengths. Keep looking around and see the good things that you are doing. Appreciate the achievements that you have. Start focussing on incidents that confirm your empowering belief. The idea here is not to become arrogant or boastful but to be more self-assured and confident about your true capabilities.

And you are done. Every negative belief you replace with an empowering one will make you more powerful. We all go through ups and downs, but a powerful belief system defines how effectively we manoeuvre these curves.

If you like this article, these are some of the resources that you can explore:

• Morty Lefkoe, President and founder of The Lefkoe Institute has been creating a series of psychological processes that helps in profound personal change. You can try one of his processes here and eliminate some of your most common beliefs.
• Learn about Fixed vs Growth mindset belief in this talk by Eduardo Briceno
• Understand the power of the empowering belief 'You are enough' in this talk by Marisa Peer