5 Steps to a Happier Home Life

Last week, I promised to follow 5 Steps to a Successful Career Change with action items on the life side of work/life balance.

But before we jump in, which side of the equation functions more smoothly for you?

Don't answer which side you like better or where you want to put your energy or focus, but tell me, does work or life function more smoothly for you?

Most on LinkedIn will likely pick work. And that's fine if your home life is functioning smoothly too, but it can be problematic if you use work to escape your home life.

Most working parents wish their home was a refuge. Many frequently travel for business or spend long hours commuting and at the office and look forward to returning home to relax and recharge.?

But when they get home, they find chaos and neglected projects, a long list of tasks that didn't get done while they were away, and everyone from the dog to the kids to their spouse to school to the houseplants demanding attention.?

That's why getting your house in order was the third step of the 5 Steps to a Successful Career Change. You can only achieve equilibrium if both parts of your life function smoothly.

The other side feels the deficit when there are energy leaks or resource drains, and further, if your home life is functioning smoothly, it may resolve many of your work issues or even sway you away from a career change.

But if there's room for improvement at home (if you'd like to be happier there), the good news is many of the same strategies that make you good at your job, an effective leader, or a manager who drives results are the very same skills that will work at home.

1) Give Your Team/Family Some Room

Micro-managers are the worst. And the worst of the worst give you a task, stand over you while you do it, correct your technique as you go, and re-do it when you finish—the worst.

But you may be inadvertently micro-managing at home. If you reload the dishwasher to fit more in, forbid anyone else from touching the laundry, demand perfection, have preconceived notions about who does what and when, or set time limits purely for your benefit, ease up.

Picture this example to fight your natural inclination to do more faster:

I was walking the dog this week, and someone down the street approached me and said, That's?an old girl, isn't she??

I replied,?Yes, and we chatted for a few more minutes. Then she said,?It's cool how you let her linger in the morning, doing her thing, smelling her smells. I like that you don't rush her.

I don't know this woman, but it meant a lot to me because I try to be generous and take my time with those I love.?

Imagine the opposite for a minute. My dog's favorite part of every day is her morning and evening walks. Now picture your favorite thing. It could be your glass of wine on the back deck after work, your morning pages, hugs at school pickup, or a mid-day spin. Imagine doing it with someone tugging at you the entire time, saying hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!

The kids, husband, you — you’re all a team. And every teammate has a role, yes, but every team member also has to figure out what they're good at, what they like and want to do, and how to do it. Giving them room to figure it out, weigh in, or solve problems is like letting the junior team members participate.

You're not just developing talent; you never know where the next great idea will come from or who will step up and contribute at a higher level. But you can be sure that there are better ways than micro-management.

2) Tame Your Schedule

One of the most common cultural challenges is when reality doesn't match an organization's intent.?Your company may have an inspiring mission painted on the wall and leadership that always says the right thing, but it's the unwritten rules of engagement that matter.?

Maybe your job is 9 to 5, but your bosses expect you to stay late or show up early, they infer that working from home is slacking off, or they require access to your calendar to see how full it is because if you aren't double-booked, are you even trying?

According to HR Zone, the need for time management in any organization is not limited to revenue; it also encompasses the proper functioning of all the organizational components in an integrated manner.?

Bosses, business owners, and parents instinctively get this. People, employees, and kids need to know where to be and when to do what they must to accomplish what needs to happen. They also need to know when they have free time to pursue their own stuff, so they don't burn out.

Effective time management is the key to focus, productivity, better decision-making, and reducing stress. Good schedules help prevent distractions and procrastination, build confidence, and offer freedom.

But, at home, logistics, priorities, extracurricular activities, and chores for family members of different ages, capabilities, and life stages mean you can't schedule something and then ask a toddler or pre-teen to accomplish it on their own.

But rather than taking a big-picture approach, you and your spouse might address scheduling conflicts as they come to power through or survive each day.

There's a real opportunity to eliminate non-essentials and scale back, but it's hard to see when you're drinking from a fire hose. Do all four kids need an after-school activity three times a week??So much overbooking is self-inflicted.

Try thinking in seasons instead, and consider the upside and drawbacks. Instead of the primary pre-requisite being whether or not it's doable, anticipate how each family member will feel at the end of the season.

Yes, there might be the pride of accomplishment and the progress that comes from practicing three times a week. But will that offset the family's exhaustion, the relationship distance created by weekly battles, or the hurt feelings from always coming last on the list?

At work, a good leader knows when to push the team vs. pull back, but at home, sometimes the pressure to keep up with the Joneses or schedule things so far in advance (FOMO) doesn't allow organic ebb and flow to be a part of your effective time management plan.

3) Set the Tone

All leaders know that they model the mood for the team. When it comes to urgency, transparency, or democracy, leadership usually exhibits the team's values.

At home, kids follow the do as I do, not as I say rules. They are watching closely, studying, and soaking up everything you do (much like your team). And when you say it's no big deal, but it feels like it is, or when you say I'm paying attention, but your phone is in your hand, or when you tap your foot and drum your fingers while raising your voice, even though your kids hear,?take your time, your tone means,?let's go!

The easiest fix is to start with mornings. That's when the tone of the day is yet to be written.?When you wake up, before you even open your eyes, breathe in the feeling you want to infuse into your (and your family's) day. Then embody it.

It takes practice, but when you set the tone for your family, you'll be surprised at how often it sticks and permeates the day.

4) Back to Basics

In business, if you talk about getting back to basics, it might mean your team is too concerned with complicated details or new strategies. And what they are paying attention to is distracting them, pulling them into the weeds, or veering off-course. Concentrating on simple, high-return activities with proven results would better benefit the business.

At home, getting back to basics is similar. When we found out we were pregnant with twins, a parenting coach told us that everything we were worried about, all the problems we anticipated, and the struggles we would face could mostly be solved by food, rest, or attention.

If your babies are fussy or crying or not content, feed them, help them fall asleep, or engage them. It was?Top 3 parenting advice, and it worked like a charm. A decade later, it's still working.?

Yes, parenting is increasingly complex, as are children. But if we start there — When something isn’t working, we ask, Are they rested? Well-fed? Do they have their needs met by us at this moment? — the answer to the question almost always reveals what to do next.

Getting back to basics at home means we don't have to get fancy or employ sophisticated parenting techniques (often). Usually, it's food, rest, or attention.

5) Praise the Puppy

In my corporate life, one of the best things I created was incentive programs to motivate our affiliate partners to sell more stuff. While I prided myself on coming up with flashy, exciting, big-deal once-in-a-lifetime incentives (trips to Hawaii, premiers and exclusive screenings, meeting the stars, and more), only some sales reps were motivated by that.

It turned out that other sales reps liked different rewards: some preferred recognition programs, gamification, more money, or time off. There were many ways to acknowledge their work and reward good performance.

According to the American Society of Administrative Professionals, praise inspires employees to work harder, makes them feel appreciated, and helps organizations hold on to their best people.

Further, they suggest specific praise works best, praise should always be authentic and linked to a larger purpose, and that praise works equally well for top performers, steady eddies, and people who are floundering.

According to raisingchildren.net.au, an Australian parenting website, praise nurtures your child's confidence and sense of self, shows them how to think and talk positively about themselves, and helps them feel proud.

Further, they suggest that praise works best when it describes the behavior you like, when you praise more than you criticize, and that praise can be used at any age and for effort, not just outcome. In other words, don't wait until your child has mastered something to praise them.

Again, think about your dog. Your dog never really outgrows the praise stage. When she does her business, for the first or 8,789th time, you tell her she is a good doggie. You share how proud you are each time she eats her kibbles like a good puppy. If she halts when you call instead of chasing that darn rabbit, your dog-mom voice goes up another octave.

According to Chewy.com, dog speak is real and even kids or people who meet a dog for the first time seem to know how to do it. And dogs instinctively associate dog speak with rewards or excitement.

Most of us have a baby voice too, but we use it less and less as our children grow. It could be the eye rolls we get in return or how inappropriate it feels in some situations but remember your commitment to generosity at home and how easy and effective praise can be.

I'm not suggesting you make your pitch higher or baby-talk your family. But you can use your words and tone to convey rewards and excitement that encourage and recognize positive behavior.?Just as it's effective to praise effort before your child masters a skill, you can praise the behavior, even if it's the 8,789th time your child has done it.

Leading a Team is Similar to Parenting?

Simon Sinek?says?the joy of parenting doesn't come from the work of being a parent; it comes from seeing our children do things that delight us and make us proud. Leadership is exactly the same.

I started this post by asking whether your home or work functions more smoothly. By now, I hope you've realized that when it comes to work/life balance, there's no such thing as putting all of your eggs in one basket.?

You can't be good at work when your home life is a hot mess express, and you can't be good at home when your work life is a dumpster fire. If being good at both stresses you out, remember that the same skills apply to both.?Any improvement on either side will benefit (not just work or home life) but LIFE.

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So that's that—action steps on the life side of the work/life balance equation.

Let me know where you want me to go next with this work/life balance miniseries. Thanks for reading and sharing!