A 5-step guide to networking: How to make personal connections—especially for introverts

Knowing or being known—which leads to greater relationship satisfaction? Research shows that we appreciate relationships more when we feel we are “known.” ?When we feel the other person has taken the time to understand us.? It’s all about the “feel”.

This is important to understand for all relationship building—dating, making friends, and networking in business.

Socializing and building relationships is even harder in international situations, especially when you are using a foreign language, which for many is English. But knowing some useful words and phrases is not enough. In the real world, you need to understand the psychology of “feel” and strategies of effective communication if you want to build relationships.?

This article will go into language, psychology, and strategies and also provide AI practice strategies and prompts to help you become a networking super communicator.? It will boost your communication and language fitness.

CONTENTS

• General problem and its costs: Inability to make connections can cause fear, frustration, and suboptimal performance reviews
• Specific Problem: Misunderstanding how connections are made
• General solution: The attitude of a good interviewer
• Specific Solution: The 5-step ALARM formula for networking mastery
• AI Practice: 2 AI prompts: 1. for starting conversations, and 2. for ALARM strategy conversations

General problem and its costs

At a recent communication coaching session I had with two professionals (one man and one woman), we addressed and practiced some skills of socializing and networking. Both professionals need to attend networking functions and struggle to make connections.

What does this struggle cost them?

It creates not only fear and frustrates but also limits the number of potential clients and suppliers they form relationships with. And this can affect their job performance, confidence levels, and potentially performance reviews.? ?

Specific problem: Misunderstanding how connections are made

“How do you usually approach socializing in networking situations,” I asked.

They both agreed on this: exchange names, job title and company info. And then try to find a common professional topic, like some business project that both would know about.

“That’s all?”, I asked. “Yes,” they replied.

“Isn’t this just a knowledge transaction?” I asked. “Is this really enough to start building a relationship?” They shook their heads.? “So, what’s missing?”

One of the professionals quickly caught on. “Emotion,” she said.

“Yes,” I said. I gave the example in the field of B2B (business-to-business) sales.

Generally speaking, many products are very similar, so why does a buyer choose one product over another? Often, it comes down to trust in and personal feelings for the sales person. Skillful sales reps are sincere and put the interests of the customer first. In other words, they care about the customer. They take the time to understand the customer’s needs and patiently help him understand the product and service.

This is called relationship selling and it works because it makes the customer feel known.

“But it is hard to talk about emotional things with strangers. Isn’t it weird?” The woman asked.

“Yes, it certainly can be,” I said. “Especially if you just start talking about personal things and emotions out of the blue. But you can lead the conversation in directions where personal ideas and opinions may float the surface.”

I looked at the man and woman sitting across from me. And gave them time to think about that before explaining.

“First you need to find a topic in common. How can you do this?” I asked.

?“Look at his business card. Notice his company or position…”, The man said.?

The woman joined in. “The most obvious thing in common is the event we are attending.”

“Right,” I said, “Did you notice anything interesting in the event venue, food, drinks, host, attendees … even the weather outside, if it is noteworthy. “

“And once you find a common topic, event related or professional,” I said, “how much talking do you think you should do compared to the other person? What percent?”

Maybe 50% percent,” one said. “More,” the other said, “If we are talking about a business project, I want to show my knowledge and experience”.

“I see,” I said. “It’s important to make a professional impression.” They both nodded.

Their opinions echo most people’s: keep it professional and create credibility.

I shifted direction a bit and asked, “Think about your networking experiences. Who are the people you tend to remember at these events?”

They quietly work through their memories.

“For me,” I offer, “it is the people who share something about themselves that is not related to work. And something I can relate to. Why? Because this creates emotion and a personal connection.”

“But for us Taiwanese,” the man said, “it’s hard to share our personal feelings when we first meet someone.”??

“Well,” I reply, “perhaps you can build a relationship sharing business information. And perhaps even dominating the conversation. But to do this, you will need to be extremely charming and witty.”

“I am not like that,” he said. “I am more an introvert.”

“Me too,” I said and shook his hand with a knowing smile. “The good news is that there’s an easier way to build a relationship—especially for introverts like us,” I said. “Talk less and listen more.”

General solution: The Attitude of a good interviewer

I continued my explanation. When you find your common business topic, let them talk. Ask them questions. Find out their opinions. Ask for advice. Be open and curious.

If you have ever watched a good interviewer, you may have noticed that this is what they do. Good interviewers

• have an open and curious attitude,
• make the other person center of attention,
• make them feel that you want to know them and their opinions,
• make them feel smart.

In other words, the good interviewer makes the interviewee feel known.

Also, people generally like to talk about themselves, and this takes the pressure off of you. This is a big win-win situation if you’re an introvert.

And because this also allows you to ask them about their opinions, it opens the door to letting them express their emotions and feelings about things. You just need to go through that door to follow up and explore their emotions and opinions.

This door opens onto a field of possibilities for making an emotional connection. This is where you begin laying the foundation for a personal relationship.

For most people, though, this attitude does not come naturally or easily.

The woman asked more about how to get this attitude. I replied that since we tend to be attracted to and feel more comfortable with people are happy and cheerful, then we should try to get into that kind of emotional state before a networking event. And we tend to be much more open when we are happy and in a good mood.

So, do what you can to put yourself in a good mood before the event.

• Listen to your happy music or favorite comedian for 10 minutes.
• Meditate on good thoughts or people who make you happy.
• Do some breath work to balance your emotions.

The last point is the most powerful. Breathing is one of the only actions we can consciously control that can change our nervous system. And our emotions. Breathing practices can link our conscious mind and unconscious body to help us release negative thoughts and create positive ones. Since mood and attitude can be a conscious choice, spend some time before the event to prepare your mind and attitude. Walk in with positivity and openness.

However, a positive attitude is not enough. You need a game plan to create a positive and memorable impression on people.

In other words, you need a strategy to make the person feel known.

Specific solution: The 5-steps ALARM strategy for networking mastery ?

A clear strategy for making meaningful connections with people is laid out in In Charles Duhigg’s Supercommunicators: How to unlock the secret language of connection. In his research, he found that super communicators build relationships in four integrated ways: Listening carefully actively, Asking follow-up questions about values and emotions, Reciprocating with sharing of values and emotions, and Mirroring the emotion states of the other person. When these four practices are combined, they set a solid foundation a personal relationship.

If we take this 4-part LARM acronym and add the good interviewer’s Attitude of openness and curiosity, we have what I call the ALARM strategy.

Enhancing your communication and language fitness to make strong professional and personal relationships requires not only communication strategies to build trust and connection but also language. This is especially true in an international context where you or others don’t speak your language. ?The following explains more about the LARM part of the strategy, which depends on language use, unlike Attitude. ?

Here are some example phrases in English to help you better understand and practice the ALARM strategy at networking events to build personal connections.

L - LISTEN actively

Listening carefully is necessary to help you actively ask good and thoughtful follow-up questions. It can also allow you to repeat back what you heard to show you are paying attention and care about their thoughts and feelings.

• “It sounds like you’re really interested in this”
• “So, what you’re saying is that the new government policy made you rethink your business plan….”
• “Wow, that was a big case.”

A - ASK meaningful questions ?

Asking the right deep and meaningful questions encourages people to share their values, beliefs and emotions.

• “That’s really interesting! What was the most important result of that project?”
• “That policy change was very sudden. How did that make you feel?”
• “Your job sounds very complicated. What do you enjoy most about it?”
• “It sounds like you have a lot experience with that. If you could give one piece of advice to someone in that situation, what would it be?”

R - RECIPROCATE with personal insights

You can reciprocate emotions and vulnerabilities by sharing related meaningful experiences. This can show your values, beliefs and emotions and help build trust and support.

• “That’s a great perspective! Have you considered … [alternate idea]?”
• “I had a similar experience when…”
• “I can really relate to that. I once worked on a project where…”

M - MIRROR emotional states to strengthen rapport

Finally, you can match emotion states in facial expression, body language, tone of voice. This will make you become more in sync with the other person and develop mutual understanding.

• "I completely understand where you’re coming from."
• "I can relate to that."
• "I know what you mean."??
• "That sounds really cool! How did you feel when that happened?"

Conclusion

Building meaningful connections at networking events isn’t just about exchanging business cards—it’s about creating conversations that spark trust and rapport. This means more than sharing names, job titles and company information. It means making an emotional and personal connection.

By using the ALARM method, you can guide discussions toward deeper and more memorable engagement. It also makes it easier for introverts to make deeper personal connections. With the right mindset and strategies, networking events don’t have to be stressful and frustrating—they can be an opportunity to build meaningful and memorable professional relationships. This is because you will know how to make a person feel known.

Practice with AI: AI prompts to practice starting a conversation and practicing the ALARM strategy for specific networking events

GenAI tools like ChatGPT, Claude or Gemini can be very useful to help you prepare for international networking events. They will help you improve their confidence and fluency in English before attending international networking events.

There are two practice exercises below: 1. practice starting a general conversation at the specific networking event, and 2. practice the ALARM strategy.??

With the two prompts below, you have 4 different ways you practice (2 modes and 2 roles):

1.????? Mode 1: Writing practice (any AI tool is fine for this)

2.????? Mode 2: Speaking practice (ChatGPT probably has the best voice mode)

3.????? Role 1: Responder where AI leads the conversation

4.????? Role 2: Initiator where you lead the conversation.

Modes: Writing (Typing) vs speaking

You may first want to practice using typing first. When you become a bit more familiar with the language and ideas in the dialogs with AI, then move to ChatGPT and use voice mode to simulate a conversation in real time. This is the best way to prepare for a networking event.

Roles: Responder vs initiator

The prompts will ask you for information before you start the simulated conversation practice. The prompt also tells the AI to take the lead in the conversation. This is so that you can first focus on more responding, which is easier and can provide you with a model for your active practice later. And then, after you practice a few times or feel more comfortable with the role play, tell the AI that you want to reverse the roles and that you will be the one initiating and leading the conversation.

Prompts will give you the highest quality responses and practice if you provide enough details. For example,??

• Networking Event Details: The government is hosting the event for bidders, and supply chain companies. It will be a mixer with presentations from government officials and industry leaders.
• Target Connection: I want to meet potential clients and partners for [type] projects. There will be competitors, potential clients, suppliers, government officials, investors, and engineers there.”

AI PRACTICE 1: Simulating Conversations (with ChatGPT)

ChatGPT can role-play different networking scenarios so you can practice small talk, business discussions, and follow-ups.

• Prompt: "We will practice a conversation at a networking event. Before we do this, ask me for more information. First, ask me for more details about the networking event (where, what venue, who is the host, what is the purpose). Second, ask me about the kind person I would like to meet at the event (job title, type of company, and anything else). After you get this information from me, start the conversation with me—with some comments about the food, drink or venue for the event. After this, introduce yourself in a [semi-formal] way. And then, after you learn about me and my job, ask me a few follow up questions based on my responses that relate to the purpose of the event.”?

AI PRACTICE 2: ALARM Method with ChatGPT

You can use ChatGPT to practice the ALARM method step by step:

• Prompt: "Let’s role-play networking using ALARM (Attitude, Listening, Asking, Reciprocating, Mirroring). This is a networking and socializing approach that aims to build a personal relationship with conversations that are meaningful and have an emotional resonance for both sides. I will explain ALARM more below, but before I do, I will tell you to make sure you set up the background for our ALARM conversation by asking me for more context information. First, ask me for more details about the networking event (where, what venue, who is the host, what is the purpose). Second, ask me about the kind person I would like to meet at the event (job title, type of company, and anything else).? You will start the ALARM practice by introducing yourself using a relevant job title and company name. And you will try to demonstrate the attitude (A) of being open and curious about me by Listening carefully actively and repeating key information to show you are paying attention and also Asking follow-up questions to try to uncover my values, beliefs and emotions about the appropriate topic we are discussing. But you must do more than just interview me. You must also Reciprocate by sharing your own experiences or insights that reveal your values and emotions, too. And finally, when I express an emotion, you should try to Mirror and match it.”

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