5 Stages of Life: Why Mental Health Matters To Me

At first, I wasn’t sure how to respond to a short bullet list of writing prompts about Mental Health Awareness Month that circulated among the unique talent pool at meQuilibrium . Within coursework I've created outside of the organization, I've encouraged audiences to embrace their dreams and own their ideas. Yet, there I suddenly was hit with the realization that it's not easy to talk about mental health, let alone within a working environment or publicly on a social media platform. Mental health can be a very personal topic, and often discussions do not go beyond family or close friends. It didn't take long for me to see the brilliance in encouraging me and other employees to share our stories throughout May, to reinforce that it's okay not to be okay and to raise awareness.

For many of us, opening up to share meaningful personal stories can make us vulnerable to bias, judgment, and even attack. Taking a stand against mental health stigma (so many of us are struggling or know someone who is), learning to accept each other, supporting a neurodiverse workforce , healing through sharing our lived experiences , helping save lives, and becoming healthier ourselves, holistically, achieving better mental, emotional, and overall health are the upsides that I couldn't resist.

Whether this piece inspires courage to explore what mental health means to you -- at any stage of life and through any trauma you are facing personally or collectively through your heritage -- or to be thoughtful about the stigmas, May 22, "Being You Day " may be a great time to share your uniqueness and let yourself off the hook.

RESOURCE: 5 Ways (and Whys) to Put Yourself First

We all go through similar transitions from childhood to young adulthood, through career and work shifts, managing multiple roles, from caregiving to aging as seniors. Breaking these down into five phases, I’ll share why mental health matters to me and impacts all of us starting from a young age through the end of life.

1. Childhood: Becoming Me

Being born into this world is the first test to our mental health -- the beginning of the journey toward developing the stamina to survive and adapt. While I may not remember crying in a crib or feeling the angst over not being able to clearly articulate my hunger or wet diaper as a baby, my early life struggles included trying to fit in as someone who looked different from most of the others in my classroom, dealing with rejection, and figuring out how to respond to conflicts whether at home, at school, in our local community or watching world news.

Although I’m smiling and laughing in many of my childhood pictures, life was not all sunshine and roses. We don’t talk enough about children’s mental health , and issues are more prevalent than people might realize with nearly 10% of children being diagnosed with ADHD and Anxiety, over 20% of adolescents experiencing Depression, and about 7 out of every 100,000 children between the ages of 10-19 dying of suicide in 2018 and 2019 in the United States. Every single child we have lost could have been someone we love. It could have been you or me.

When we were children, we did not always know how to respond to challenging situations and likely we were not taught resilience skills . It was not easy for me to adapt when we moved for my father’s work after fourth grade, or handle my own mood swings as I started going through hormonal shifts as a 12-year-old.?

As a kid, I did not recognize my developing identities or realize the implications around the labels that I was stepping into -- how the intersectionality of gender, racial constructs, class and other factors may have impacted my mental health. Becoming me was a mixture of genetics (who I was born as), the environment (how others viewed and treated me), and other unknown factors (how I would respond to the world’s calamities, a religious upbringing, systems of inequity and structural racism, generational and geographical impacts, and more). Today, I realize how important mental health is for us as children and believe that we will see positive outcomes in society by integrating more social and emotional learning (SEL) in our schools, at home, and in our communities.?

2. Young Adulthood: Rebelling and Learning

Recalling my teenage years, one fact clearly pops into my head: my mom was always wrong. And oh, how frustrating it was not to be allowed to go on dates and told that I was enrolled in too many extracurricular activities. Of course, I’m grateful for the family support and the many phenomenal teachers assigned to me through middle school, high school and college years. At the same time, I struggled because I had not learned how to handle my emotions (being a highly competitive perfectionist who can have a tough time dealing with failure). I also pushed myself too hard at times. Case in point: the picture in my high school yearbook, having been voted “Most Likely to Succeed,” was one of me collapsed and asleep in a corner at home next to our library of encyclopedias, after pulling yet another all-nighter to complete a science fair project.

An awkward youth, I did not know how to respond to challenges and uncertainties (living away from home for the first time, trying to choose a college major, processing different perspectives, fighting the status quo, and figuring out how to have grown-up relationships). After hearing me express tremendous frustration around trying to juggle a personal life with a heavy school workload, one of my dorm-mates observed astutely, “I think you’re having trouble coping.” And what I really needed to do was to take a break.

In fact, all teens might need a mental health break . Particularly through the pandemic, adolescent mental health has worsened and teens are advocating for mental health days off school . And if we wait too long for breakdowns to happen, it can take much longer (from months, to years, to our entire lifetime) to recoup from the stress and get on the path to recovery. This is why it’s so important to talk about mental health as soon as we see the signs, to take preventative measures and to be there for ourselves, our family and friends.?

3. Early Career: Adapting to Change

If you’ve lived through a financial crash, particularly while in the banking field, you’ll understand the crises that we’ve gone through as individual employees. I’ve sadly watched colleagues box up their belongings, and found myself packing up and saying goodbye as well during the downturn, which also spurred me to start my own business. In work, I’ve gone through roller coasters of taking on new roles, entering new industries, bringing in ideas and starting projects, and then shutting them down to start all over again.

Acknowledging that it’s Asian American, Native Hawaiian, And Pacific Islander Heritage Month and given my own background, I’ve also faced additional difficulties through my career to break through the stereotypes around what’s expected of an East Asian woman at work , particularly in the tech industry . My college education and early training did not prepare me for how my identity would be viewed and what barriers I would face in the workplace.

Additionally, I chose to have children early on in my career. This led to me wanting more stability yet also feeling antsy, wanting to get back to work, setting high standards for myself and seeking to meet the expectations of others. While there were times in my early career where I could have used a mental health break for myself and my family, I pushed through much of it. Decades ago, talking about mental health was almost taboo at work, if you cared about your career progression and reputation in the workplace.

4. Mixed Roles: Motherhood, Manager, Mentor

In 2022, I rounded a fourth phase of wearing multiple hats and stepping into mixed roles as a mother, manager, and mentor to others. Caring for my own mental health is now layered with concern for the mental health of my loved ones. At meQuilibrium, we help people develop resilience: to learn from, work with, and thrive in spite of adversity. I've learned so much about the science of resilience , and the power technology has to transform the mental health space at scale.

Since moving to Rhode Island in 2016, unexpected circumstances have led me to transition through positions with 4 different organizations and expand into a blended family, while undergoing major losses since the Covid-19 pandemic hit us?(the kids said goodbye to all of their grandfathers, a great-aunt, and our dog). During this time, I ran two marathons, developed seasonal habits around practicing yoga and meditation, and carved out more time for family vacations.

Building resilience skills has helped me maintain positivity and focus for both myself and for others. Beyond personal resilience, we live in a time of disorder and chaos . To address our overall exhaustion and the mental health challenges in today’s world, it’s imperative for us to join forces to prioritize mental well-being.

5. Aging: Grief, Loss and Legacy

Processing the loss of my father a few months ago, I’ve begun thinking more about my own future. As I’ve watched others age and enter retirement, as well as witnessed bodies that are beginning to fall apart and shut down, I wonder what the experience will be like for me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Speaking up about my own mental health and perspectives, I hope that my vulnerability also opens up the space for others to find their voices, and that we can save millions of lives together.

Let’s create a legacy where future generations will remember how we’ve given them the tools to be resilient and to learn empathy, mindfulness, emotional intelligence and alignment with their purpose.

Mental health matters to me because it connects us through all phases of life.

If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or call 911 immediately.?

As of July 16, 2022, 988 will be the new three-digit code to call, text, or chat and be connected with trained counselors to provide them with the support and resources you need. The current Lifeline phone number (1-800-273-8255) will always remain available to people in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, even after 988 is launched nationally.