5 Skills Every Woman in Tech Leadership Needs to Master

Have you ever felt invisible at work—like no one noticed your potential, no matter how hard you worked?

That was me. For years, I was the quiet, introverted software engineer who did great work but stayed behind the scenes. While I kept my head down, colleagues (often the loud, charismatic types) got promoted to leadership roles. I wondered if I would ever break through.

It wasn’t until I was 8 months pregnant with my second child that I finally took a leap. Encouraged by my husband and a supportive former manager, I applied for a manager role. Against all odds, I got the job.

That experience taught me that leadership isn’t about being loud or fitting a mold—it’s about making an impact in your own way. Over the years, I’ve coached women in tech leadership roles and seen the same patterns. Many women struggle to step into leadership because they think they need to change who they are.

You don’t.

What you do need are the right skills. Here are five I’ve found essential for thriving as a woman in tech leadership:

1. Managing Up

Leadership isn’t just about your team—it’s about leading your manager, too. That means understanding their goals, priorities, and concerns and aligning your work to support them.

Early in my leadership career, I struggled with this. I focused too much on what I thought was important and not enough on what my manager needed. When I shifted my approach, everything changed. Our relationship improved, and I became a more effective leader.

Here are a few strategies to master managing up:

Understand Your Manager’s Goals: Take the time to learn what success looks like for your manager. What are their priorities? How can you align your work to support their objectives?

Proactive Communication: Don’t wait for your manager to ask for updates. Keep them informed about project progress, risks, and blockers. If you’re facing challenges, come prepared with potential solutions.

Seek Feedback Regularly: Ask specific questions to get actionable advice, like:

? “What skills should I focus on to enhance my contributions?”

? “What did I do well in [specific task]?”

Set Boundaries and Manage Expectations: Be clear about your capacity while offering solutions. For example:

? “I’d love to help, but I’m focusing on deep work until 2:00 p.m. Can we connect afterward?”

Be a Problem Solver: Managers value solutions more than problems. Frame challenges as opportunities and suggest actionable next steps.

Managing up is about building a partnership with your manager. When you show you’re invested in their success, it enhances your influence and positions you as a trusted leader.

2. Self-Advocacy

Let’s bust a myth: You don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room to be visible.

Self-advocacy is about understanding and confidently communicating your value. For me, as an introvert, this meant finding ways to share my achievements authentically without trying to mimic the extroverted styles of others.

Building meaningful relationships and ensuring the right people recognized my impact became my strategies.

Here are actionable steps to master self-advocacy:

1. Recognize Your Unique Strengths

Take time to reflect on your skills and accomplishments. Ask yourself:

? When have I received positive feedback or felt successful?

? What did I do, and what was the impact?

Acknowledging your strengths is the first step to advocating for yourself effectively.

2. Confidently Communicate Your Value

Don’t downplay your contributions. Clearly express your achievements in meetings, one-on-ones, or performance reviews (Focus on impact).

For example:

? “This quarter, I streamlined our testing processes, which reduced deployment times by 20%.”

3. Set Clear Goals

Align your advocacy with SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) goals. For instance, if your aspiration is to lead a cross-functional project, communicate that to your manager and ask for opportunities to demonstrate your readiness.

4. Take Responsibility for Your Growth

Self-advocacy isn’t just about speaking up—it’s about taking ownership of your career. This means actively pursuing learning opportunities, building your network, and seeking feedback to continuously improve.

5. Build Your Personal Brand

Visibility doesn’t have to be loud. It can mean sharing insights in smaller group discussions, writing thought pieces, or mentoring others. Find the method that resonates with you and use it to highlight your expertise.

By advocating for yourself in ways that align with your personality and strengths, you enhance your visibility and position yourself as a leader others trust and respect.

Read my related article: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/why-women-struggle-talk-achievements-must-limor-bergman-gross-p30af/

3. Assertiveness Without Aggression

There’s a fine line between being assertive and being perceived as aggressive, especially for women in tech.

I once managed a team in which the tech lead made a decision that impacted product stability. Instead of confronting him directly, I coached him through the situation, asking questions that helped him see the problem himself.

Because he came to the conclusion on his own, he was enthusiastic about fixing it—and I didn’t have to push.

Read my related article: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/why-women-called-aggressive-while-men-assertive-limor-bergman-nfmfc/

4. Building Relationships

Leadership is about trust. Without it, you can’t influence others.

I prioritize transparency and humility when building relationships, especially with stakeholders. When challenges arise, I’m honest about motivations and outcomes—even if the truth is uncomfortable. This approach may not always win people over immediately, but it lays the foundation for respect and collaboration.

Here are strategies to strengthen relationships with stakeholders:

1. Identify Your Stakeholders - Map out who you’re engaging with:

? Direct collaborators: e.g., technical architects, UX/UI designers.

? Cross-functional partners: e.g., product managers, customer success teams.

? Leadership/decision-makers: e.g., VP of Engineering, Architecture Review Boards.

Understand their roles, influence, and goals. Who will be impacted by your decisions, and who has the authority to support or challenge them?

2. Tailor Your Communication - Customize your approach based on the stakeholder:

? Technical stakeholders: Focus on data and technical details.

? Business stakeholders: Lead with the business impact before diving into specifics.

? Executive stakeholders: Highlight strategic alignment and outcomes.

3. Build Trust and Credibility

? Deliver on commitments: Do what you say you will.

? Be transparent: Share challenges early and honestly.

? Give credit: Recognize contributions openly.

? Admit mistakes: Own up to errors and focus on solutions.

4. Create Win-Win Solutions - Learn what drives each stakeholder by:

? Observing their behavior and priorities.

? Understanding what keeps them up at night and what success looks like for them.

? Find common ground and propose trade-offs that address their concerns while advancing your goals.

5. Engage Regularly - Build rapport beyond work projects:

? Personalize interactions by learning about stakeholders’ preferences and interests.

? Show genuine interest in their challenges and priorities.

? Proactively offer help to support their goals.

By taking these steps, you’ll foster strong working relationships and position yourself as a trusted partner who adds value at every level.

5. Taking Risks

Here’s a hard truth: No one is going to hand you the next opportunity.

You have to create it.

Applying for my first leadership role while pregnant was a massive risk, but it paid off. I learned that growth happens when you dare to bet on yourself—even when it feels uncomfortable.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to be loud, charismatic, or extroverted to succeed as a leader. You can lead with humility, authenticity, and your unique strengths.

These five skills have helped me and countless women I’ve coached thrive in tech leadership. They don’t just open doors—they shatter ceilings.

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