5 Simple ways to validate someone when they share a lived experience
Validation plays a crucial role in the realms of Equity, Diversity, Inclusion, and Anti-racism (EDIA). Now more than ever as the conversation often involves opportunities to share a lived experience. This is a vulnerable moment for an individual, no matter how often they have shared it and in the context of being a minority/marginalized community, it is often done without a close support network in the environment or people who share similar lived experience. So understanding how to validate someone’s experience will go a long way in helping them feel psychologically safe, which in turn fosters an inclusive workplace and helps improve performance.
Validation is powerful tool for acknowledging and affirming the experiences, perspectives, and emotions of individuals from marginalized and underrepresented groups. By validating these individuals, we create a supportive environment that fosters empathy, understanding, and equity.
In the context of EDIA, validation helps in understanding the countless systemic biases and discrimination people in the community may experience in their life times, in and out of work and the effect it has. It recognizes the unique challenges faced by individuals based on their race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability, and other intersecting identities. Through validation, we can acknowledge the impact of systemic inequities and provide space for individuals to share their experiences without judgment or dismissal. With dismissal being a key element which risen in the media of late, infact everytime people hear “I am not a racist” and why the success of Reni Eddo-Lodge’s “Why I’m no longer talking to white people about race” has been a hit amongst many who have experienced the systemic invalidation.
Validation helps create an inclusive and safe space where individuals can express themselves openly. It cultivates trust and encourages marginalized individuals to contribute their perspectives, insights, and talents. By valuing their experiences, we demonstrate a commitment to diversity and actively work towards dismantling discriminatory practices and biases. Without validation, we dismiss people and can contribute to further harm and also be a key contributor in the reason many marginalized communities leave certain work environments so essential to understand for any recruitment and retention strategy.
Validation is an key component of anti-racism efforts. It involves recognizing and addressing the deep-seated biases, prejudices, and stereotypes that perpetuate racial inequality. Through validation, we affirm the experiences of individuals, acknowledging the systemic challenges they face and amplifying their voices. This empowers them to participate in discussions, decision-making processes, and policy changes that aim to promote racial justice and equality.
Validation also acts as a counterforce to gaslighting and invalidation, which are often used as tools to dismiss or undermine the experiences of marginalized individuals. By validating their experiences, we reject the gaslighting narrative and provide a space for marginalized voices to be heard, believed, and validated. Key gaslighting phrases, “Not everything is about race”, “Are you sure that’s what really happened, that wasn’t their intention”, “Slavery Happened but that was in the past, can we just move on”, “It was just banter”.
Validation is integral to creating a more inclusive and equitable society. It allows us to recognize and value the diverse experiences and perspectives of marginalized individuals. By validating their lived realities, we contribute to the dismantling of systemic biases and discrimination, fostering an environment that celebrates diversity, promotes equity, and supports anti-racist practices.
5 Simple ways to validate someone when they share a lived experience;
1)???Listen more than you talk in the moment, “I really want to understand this, can you tell me more about this’. If you haven’t got the time, you can always say “This deserves my full attention, can we make time to have this conversation, it’s really important that I understand”.
2)???Show you listened, “I heard you said this, can you just let me know if this is correct, I want to understand your perspective and the impact this has had on you, if you feel comfortable to share”.
3)???Empathising, without sharing a time you were affected by something. For example you could say. “Anyone facing the same situation would feel the same and me understanding this more, allows me to understand, thank you for sharing.”
4)???Be genuine, if this is uncomfortable for you and bringing up emotions for you, let them know. “I am sorry this is new to me, I am not sure what to say in this moment and there is fear of getting it wrong, but I do not want this to get in the way of supporting you in this moment. What do you need from me?”
When someone shares a lived experience, it is a vulnerable moment, recognize it as such, even if it is said in a casual conversation or it is a moment of pure passion or even frustration, make time to validate someone.
Who am I? I am Natasha Mills, Corporate and Executive Coach, with lived experience as a neurodivergent person of mixed heritage. A change agent and strategic EDI advocate with a charismatic value-driven leadership style. Public speaker, master problem solver. To find out more, about the work I do please get in touch.