5 simple steps to PRODUCTIVITY in MEETINGS (not)

Let's be honest, it's not a 202x's article if it's not five things! Am I right?

1: Identify the offending meeting

It's a simple process for step 1. You look through your calendar for the meeting that is preferably recurring and long, where no-one really knows why they're in it, where there's some semblance of loose agenda, and ideally where there are too many people. The additional people are important to give you more places to hide.

Once you find this meeting, the ACTION is important. You must accept all times of this recurring meeting. It's essential you save it.

2: Clear all distractions

Other more important meetings might come in over it (for those that can't read a calendar), or around it (for those that don't care if you hydrate or ever visit a bathroom). It's essential that you remove all these potential "value add distractions".

If required, over indulge in any declines with "Honestly, I'd LOVE to come to your working session, but it's Bob's Strategic Vision Review Weekly All Leaders Synch, and it just doesn't function without me. Gutted"

3: Record Video

You've all got a CIO or leader in your business encouraging you to experiment with new tools. Now is your chance.

You can use any recording software, but for Mac users, Quicktime is ideal. Record a video of about 20 seconds of you staring at the camera, subtly nodding, then a gentle smile. Don't over do it. It's not an audition for Fast and Furious 12!

Do NOT take a sip of your drink. A 30 second video in a one hour meeting is 120 sips, and people will get concerned that you're ill. Do NOT draw attention to yourself.

Add it as your Zoom background as a video.

4: No feedback

It is VERY important that you never give any kind of feedback about the meeting. Very gentle and mediocre support is allowed, like "thanks everyone for coming".

But meaningful constructive feedback should be avoided, as that will likely trigger someone into some kind of 'continual improvement' plan. A keen bean will assess the meeting, make it more effective, and ruin it for everyone. They're the kind of try-hard that would do this course and make all your meetings better. BORING.

5: Response Ready

You're all set to be super effective now. You can check e-mails, clear your slack backlog, book some movie tickets, watch some sports highlights, comment on a few pages and blogs.

And remember, the longer the meeting, the more time you have to do tasks.

But there is a chance someone will ask you a question, and you can no-longer be anonymous. You MUST be prepared.

Now obviously you can't respond with a correct answer as you've not listened to a word that's been said, but you have to say something.

In advance of the meeting, check which introvert is on the call. When you are asked a question, reply calmly with.

"I have an opinion here, but before I share it, I'd actually love to hear from (INSERT NAME OF INTROVERT HERE) who's opinion I really value..."

Firstly, everyone will be completely shocked. This shock and confusion will buy you time to switch off the background and appear in real life.

You must match the nodding pace whilst INTROVERT struggles through an answer as you've put them on the spot, by which time you've got the context of the original question, and you can butt in to speak over them and give your answer.

You were inclusive and right. Double points. Promotion ready. ;-)

Conclusion:

Of course this is sattirical, but I've read soooo much shit on LinkedIn about meetings recently, I just had to have a laugh about.

If you think meetings can be valuable, but they just need a few tweaks, try our course above around Better Meetings, or the one below on Asych Collaboration.

https://university.atlassian.com/student/page/1333200-async-collaboration-for-distributed-teams-course-description?sid_i=1