5 Signs You’re Stuck in the Blame Game—and How Radical Accountability Can Set You Free

IMO, it starts with something small—a missed deadline, a tough client interaction, or even a misstep in a meeting. But instead of asking, “What could I have done better?” you find yourself saying, “Well, if they had done their job, I wouldn’t have missed it.”

Sound familiar?

This is the blame game. My old boss and mentor, Steven Corbeil , called it out every time, and he was on to something—complaining or pointing fingers is one of the biggest obstacles to growth. When we focus outward, we give away our power. Want to win? Flip the switch and adopt radical accountability.

The Power of Perception: The Dartmouth Scar Experiment

In the 1980s, Dr. Robert Kleck conducted a now-famous experiment at Dartmouth. Participants were told a large scar would be painted on their faces for a series of interviews. But here’s the twist: the scar was removed before they even left the makeup chair.

Still, those who believed they had the scar reported feeling judged, marginalized, and powerless during their interviews. In contrast, the other group—who thought they looked normal—didn’t report these feelings at all.

This study reveals something powerful: perception influences reality. If you believe you’re a victim of circumstance, you’ll see the world through that lens. But the reverse is also true—if you take responsibility, you reclaim your power. Accountability shifts your perception, your choices, and ultimately, your results. (Thanks for the reminder @sahilbloom )

Stop Complaining—It’s Toxic

For real: complaining can feel good in the moment. Venting about an irritating meeting, a disorganized project, or an annoying colleague might offer short-term catharsis, but it’s a toxic habit. Research shows that excessive complaining rewires your brain for negativity, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and even poorer performance.

In fact, a Stanford study found that complaining for 30 minutes or more a day physically damages your brain, shrinking the hippocampus—the part of your brain that controls problem-solving and intelligent thought. So that quick vent session? It’s not just unproductive; it’s damaging your ability to solve problems in the future.

Solution: Embrace Radical Accountability

Radical accountability means owning every piece of the puzzle that’s within your control. It means turning inward when things go wrong and asking tough questions like:

• “What is my responsibility here?”
• “What can I do to make this better for me or others around me?”
• “What could I have done better?”
• “Where did I make a mistake?”
• “What will I do differently next time?”

This kind of introspection isn’t about blame—it’s about taking ownership. And here’s the kicker: radical accountability isn’t easy, but it’s empowering. When you stop waiting for external factors to change and start asking what you can do differently, you reclaim control over your life and career.

?????? 5 Signs You’re Stuck in the Blame Game

If you want to know whether you’re falling into the blame game, here are the five most common red flags:

1. You Spend More Time Venting Than Problem-Solving You know the feeling—spending 30 minutes complaining about the problem instead of finding a solution. Next time, catch yourself and redirect that energy.
2. Your First Reaction Is to Blame Others When something goes wrong, is your knee-jerk reaction to point fingers? Accountability begins with asking, “What part did I play?”
3. You Feel Powerless in Your Situation Feeling stuck is often a sign that you’ve relinquished control. Taking ownership of what you can change helps you reclaim agency.
4. You Resent Feedback People who avoid accountability tend to take feedback personally. But when you’re committed to growth, feedback is fuel. It’s a gift, not an attack.
5. You’re Not Asking for Help Accountability isn’t about doing it all yourself—it’s about knowing when to ask for the resources or support you need.

Take Back Your Power

Stating the obvious: life isn’t fair, and we’ll all face obstacles. But your power lies in how you respond. Complaining, blaming others, or waiting for external change is a recipe for staying stuck. Radical accountability, on the other hand, puts the ball in your court.

The next time you’re tempted to play the blame game, stop. Ask yourself: What could I have done better? What’s within my control? How can I turn this setback into a comeback?

Take responsibility. Take action. And take back your power.