5 Secrets to a Lasting Routine (and none of them require Willpower)

As a mom of two school kids, I know firsthand how hard it can be to juggle everyone’s needs and still try to squeeze in a little self-care. With the start of the school year, there’s a lot of excitement about getting back into a routine. Many of us are using this as a chance to get back on track or even start something new. But let’s be real—when that initial motivation fades, sticking to a new routine can feel like trying to hold onto sand slipping through your fingers. The struggle to stay disciplined is something we all face. Every day, we're pouring our energy into succeeding in all areas of life—career, parenthood, relationships, and more. And there’s often little left in the tank to push ourselves to do the things we know are good for us. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to rely on willpower to make your routine stick. Here are five strategies to keep you on track, even when your inner voice is tempting you to skip it.

1. Fixed vs. Unfixed Habits

One of the biggest game-changers for me has been understanding the difference between fixed and unfixed habits. A fixed habit is something you do at the same time every day, no matter what. An unfixed habit, on the other hand, is more loose — you do it whenever you can fit it in. Guess which one is more likely to stick?

For example, I made working out a fixed habit in the morning. I exercise at the same time every day, and over time, my body and mind have come to expect it as part of my morning routine. On the rare occasion when I try to work out later in the day, my mind finds a million excuses to skip it, turning it into an unfixed habit that’s much harder to maintain.

When you do the same thing at the same time every day, it becomes automatic, like brushing your teeth. For busy parents, this is gold. No more internal debates about when or if you’ll fit in that workout or meditation—just do it at the same time every day.

Simple Tip: Pick one habit you want to establish and lock in the time. It can be as simple as a weekday habit that fits into your schedule. Put it in your calendar and honor it like a meeting with your boss. Commit to it, and watch it become a fixed part of your day.

2. Ditch Motivation and Embrace the Mundane

Want to know a secret? I never feel like doing my morning routine. I’d rather stay in bed and grab a few more minutes of sleep—EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! The good thing is, I know now that I don’t need to feel motivated to do the things I’ve committed to. Motivation is absolutely irrelevant in creating a new habit. The faster you learn that you don’t need motivation to build a habit, the faster you shut down that internal debate. You don’t need to listen to your thoughts or feelings to get the job done.

Here's the thing, motivation is like the weather—it’s unpredictable and unreliable. It’s easy to feel pumped up about a new routine when it’s shiny and new, but what happens on those days when you’re exhausted, the kids are cranky, and the last thing you want to do is go for that run? That’s why you can’t rely on motivation. Instead, embracing the boring, the routine, and the mundane will help you silence that inner dialogue and keep you on track.

Simple Tip: When you don’t feel motivated, acknowledge that feeling and then let it pass. Accept that you don’t need to feel a certain way to do your new routine. Take a deep breath, and as a famous sports brand advises: JUST DO IT!

3. The Power of an Accountability Buddy

Let’s be honest—doing things for ourselves often takes a backseat when we’re juggling kids, work, and everything else life throws our way. That’s where an accountability buddy can make all the difference. When someone else is counting on you, it’s a lot harder to bail on that new habit. Studies show that having an accountability partner can increase your chances of sticking to a new habit by up to 95%. Whether it’s a friend, another parent, or even a virtual group, having someone to check in with can give you that extra push on those days when you just don’t feel like it.

Simple Tip: Find someone who shares your goal and schedule regular check-ins, whether it’s a weekly coffee catch-up or a quick text every day. Knowing you’ll have to report back can be the nudge you need to stay on track.

4. Always Have a Plan B ready

I know I’ve preached before about the importance of consistency, but life with kids is unpredictable. Heck, life in general is unpredictable! There will be days when your well-laid plans go right out the window, and that’s okay. The key is not to let these disruptions derail you completely—this is where Plan B comes in. Flexibility is crucial for maintaining habits in the long term. When life gets in the way, having a backup plan ready ensures you can still make progress, even if it’s not exactly what you had originally planned.

Simple Tip: Think of a scaled-down version of your habit that you can turn to when things get hectic. If you can’t make it to the gym, do a 10-minute workout at home. If you can’t do a full meditation session, take five minutes to breathe deeply and reset. The key is to keep the momentum going, no matter what.

5. Know Your WHY

When you’re setting up a new routine, it’s natural to focus on your goals. But when those tough days hit and that internal dialogue is winning, goals alone might not be enough. That’s when your WHY becomes crucial. When you’re clear about why you’re trying to establish a new routine, it becomes much easier to stick with it, even when the going gets tough.

People who connect their goals to a deeper purpose are significantly more likely to maintain their habits over the long term. Your “why” is the fuel that keeps you going when everything else feels hard.

Simple Tip: Before you start a new routine and try a new habit, take some time to reflect on why you want to establish this new habit. Use the "5 Whys" technique to dig deep and find the root of your WHY. Maybe it’s to have more energy to play with your kids, to feel more in control of your day, or to set a healthy example for your family. Write down your “why” and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. When motivation fades, this reminder will keep you anchored and help you stay on track.

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Self-care is tricky. We know it’s good for us, but we often don’t feel like doing it when it’s time to do it. We tend to rely on willpower to push through, but let’s be honest—parenthood, our career, and life in general drain our willpower reserves pretty quickly. The good news is, you don’t have to rely on willpower to get it done. With these five insights, you can establish habits that don’t just survive the chaos—they thrive in it. Remember, it’s not about relying on willpower—it’s about setting yourself up for success with consistency, structure, and a deep connection to why you’re doing it in the first place.

And if you’re looking to level up your morning routine as you close out summer and get ready to crush the rest of the year, I’ve got you covered! Download my Morning Maximizer 21-Day Challenge to help you master your mornings and start your day off right!