5 rules for effective conflict management

Thriving leaders are those able to deal with conflict and guide their teams towards developing a healthy relationship with it. Conflict is not all bad. Zero conflict means zero progress. Can you picture a company where everybody agrees on anything? As appealing you may be tempted to find it these days, this is an utopic picture.

A study conducted by the Myers-Briggs Company (one of the leading business psychology companies in the world) in August 2022 shows that 52% of the respondents consider that conflict gives a mix of positive and negative results. An older study conducted by the same company previously showed that 85 % of employees are exposed to conflict throughout their professional lives. The average time of conflict during a week is 2.8 hours leading to loss of profits of $359 billion/year. Figures are crunched for US. Yet, knowing our background and local culture, we bet that some bad losses would occur if one replicated the same study in our geography.

The two main causes of conflict listed for 2022 are:

1.?????Poor communication (47%), and

2.?????Lack of role clarity (42%).

Precisely the area where you, as a leader, have a big part to play. Here are 5 points you may consider for effective conflict management:

1.?????Facilitate peace talks

The focus here falls on facilitate. This means setting the frame and acting as a mediator. Resist the temptation to offer or impose your solution (except if there is a real crisis and you have to step in). Conflicting parties often know their circumstances better than anyone else. There may be details you do not have so you risk taking decision based on partial or even biased inputs.

Useful tip: start by setting up a meeting (either at the office or online, if still working remote). If you are in the office, choose a neutral space - a meeting room rather than your office so everyone feels at ease and not like a child summoned by his parents.

2.?????Lay down the rules

During a conflict, involved parties lose their objectivity, they have quite a stake. People also come with different personality types and different conflict solving patterns. One may be looking forward for the opportunity to lay it all out shouting while the other may be saying nothing, arms crossed and looking condescending.

Useful tip: remind the belligerents that the focus is on finding a mutually agreeable solution. Insults and personal attacks are not tolerated. All talks are to be done in a professional manner.

3.?????Be aware of biases

A bias is the action of supporting or opposing something or someone because you allow your personal opinions to affect your judgment. Overcoming biasses requires a fair amount of self-awareness, sound knowledge and constant effort to identify real life situations when you are prone to bias. There are tens of biases, that we will cover in a future article.

Useful tip: while listening to arguments you may find it helpful to ask yourself “What if the opposite is true?”. Reflect for a moment just to regain your awareness and doublecheck if a bias is hindering your view. Thus, you may also solve conflict demonstrating curiosity and transparency. And your team will surely notice.

4.?????Allow everyone to speak his mind and focus on finding a solution

So, you have them in the meeting room or in the call, you laid out the rules and you are self-aware of your own limitation and triggers. Ensure that everyone gets the proper time to speak so you get enough information to steer the debate towards a creative and collaborative outcome. Here you need skills like active listening, assertive communication, asking thoughtful questions to help uncover new perspectives, patience for not rushing conclusions, role model problem solving and negotiation.

Useful tip: for example, you may rephrase a sentence in a neutral tone, acting as a sounding board for fighting parties. Another helpful tactic is to ask each party to pause, reflect about what they heard then repeat in their own words what they believe was communicated to them.?Another option is to ask them to do an empathy exercise: place themselves into the other shoes. For instance: what if you were the delivery manager receiving from sales client’s request to add additional resources on the project and finish 1 week earlier?

If things still escalate feel free to remind them of the terms established at the beginning of the meeting. Although chances are minimal to still be in the conflict zone.

5.?????Pay attention to the aftermath

Once the mutual solution is agreed upon and the conflict fades, it may seem that things are back on track. And hopefully they are. As a leader, make sure that peace lasts. You may check back on the matter in a while, asking feedback about how things played out. This will show your team that you really care.

Useful tip: it may also be a good moment for a “lessons learnt” exercise. In a much calmer atmosphere, ask your team what they can do different next time in order to prevent things from escalating and save time and energy for all of you. Questions well used are very powerful leadership tools.

Conflict management is not an easy task. Keeping conflict in the productive zone requires skills, will and self-awareness. Yet the reward is worth the effort. Less stress, less tension and productivity focus define a healthy organization that fosters growth and resilience and is the mere reflection of the leader.?