5 Questions You Should Answer Before You Engage A Mentor

So, you think you should find a mentor to help you to advance your career or overcome hurdles in your professional life? There are a variety of ways you can find the perfect mentor to help you achieve your professional goals; for example, you can elect to participate in a mentoring program offered by your employer, or by professional affinity groups, wherein they both have developed a mentoring program as a means to support your professional aspirations. If you do not have access to a sponsored mentoring program, you can also reach out to suitable individuals yourself and request mentor-ship support. Before you journey down the path of finding the perfect mentor however, you will want to answer several questions about mentoring and how a mentor can benefit your life.

Question #1: What is Mentoring?

Well – in answering this fundamental question we can begin by first identifying who the players in a mentoring relationship are. In the relationship, the two primary individuals are referred to as the “Mentor” (the individual providing the mentoring), and the “Mentee” (the individual being mentored). The practice of mentoring dates to ancient times and the term “mentor” originates from Greek Mythology. In the contemporary workplace, mentoring relationships are greatly valued, and considered a very powerful avenue for the mentee to achieve long-term personal development towards achieving a more effective professional presence and providing greater value to the organization.

At its core mentoring is a relationship between two individuals based on a mutual desire for development of career goals and personal objectives. The relationship is built on trust, it is inherently private, it is purposefully a nonreporting one, and it intentionally avoids replacing or undermining any organizational structures that are currently in place. Mentoring is separate and distinct from other forms of professional or personal assistance; such as developmental assignments, classroom instruction, on-the-job training, or executive leadership coaching.

Mentoring Is Not Coaching!

Of the many programs an organization makes available to assist with employee development, skill building, or even career advancement, the one endeavor that is most frequently confused with mentoring is executive coaching; specifically, executive leadership coaching. Whereas a mentoring relationship is concerned with long-term development and focuses on cultural norms and tacit, implicit, intuitive, subjects and behaviors, a coaching engagement  normally focuses on explicit tasks and behaviors that meet a short-term need (either catch-up or growth) of the individual.

Question#2: What 8 Benefits Does A Mentoring Relationship Offer?

A mentoring relationship can provide a mentee with greater clarity on both life and career choices, as well as your own career goals. During the course of the mentoring relationship the mentee also gains new insight on the company's or industry’s culture and organization, as well as different perspectives about organizational norms and cultural values. The resulting benefit for the mentee is greater career satisfaction and increased likelihood of career success through the exploration and development in areas not typically address through training or on the job.

Whether an organization or an affinity group offers you the opportunity to engage in a mentoring relationship, or you elect to connect with a mentor separate from any structured program there are several benefits that you can expect to achieve from the relationship;

Benefit #1:

A mentoring relationship can expose you concepts and insights about organizational culture and strategic vision beyond the confines of your current working environment or senior leadership structure.

Benefit #2:

 A mentoring relationship will add value to your employability quotient as you will have access to insights and perspectives beyond your current position

Benefit #3:

A mentoring relationship can help you to tackle common industry, agency, or professional pitfalls, such as when technically skilled individuals want to transition into management positions.

Benefit #4:

A mentoring relationship can support career transition points such as moving to a managerial position.

Benefit #5:

A mentoring relationship can help you see the bigger picture and where you fit in towards fostering greater contribution.

Benefit #6:

A mentoring relationship can help you achieve greater understanding across minority and underrepresented groups.

Benefit #7:

A mentoring relationship can add to your professional connectivity and give you access to a cadre of interconnected and informed future leaders and influencers who are also involved in mentoring relationships.

Benefit #8:

A mentoring relationship can assist you in identifying and executing a long-term career path relative to your passion, and personal and professional goals

Question #3: What 7 Common Mentoring Myths Need To Be Debunked?

The nature of mentoring has evolved in recent years in light of the dynamic nature of the contemporary workplace, and several old myths need to be debunked. Previously mentoring involved a one-on-one relationship between a senior industry or agency veteran and a newcomer, with the sole purpose of achieving career advancement and promotion. The goal of mentoring today has shifted focus to helping anyone gain new insights and abilities. In fact, often we see younger workers who are counseling their superiors about technology or other new practices—a scenario called “reverse mentoring.”

Myth #1: You Are Either A Mentor Or A Mentee – Not Both!

Mentoring has always been recognized as a reciprocal arrangement wherein both the mentor and mentee learn and benefit from the relationship. While the mentees’ benefits may be obvious, mentors also gain from the relationship. Mentors learn and grow as a result of the relationship as they have the opportunity to reflect on pivotal career events, testing their own long-held assumptions and limiting beliefs, while participating in another person’s professional and personal growth.   

Myth #2: Mentors Choose Their Mentees

While this approach may have worked previously, research suggests that mentees are in the best position to choose their mentors, simply because they know best what they want to learn and from whom they want to learn it. Mentees prefer to choose their own mentors and choose ones that best identify the skills they need help with relative to their own developmental needs. 

Myth #3: Mentoring Is A Formal Relationship With Mentors Driving The Relationship

Although the mentor provides structure based on their availability and what they want/have to offer, mentees are responsible for driving the relationship. They should not be shy about saying to the mentor, “This is why I chose you and this is what I hope to learn from you.” The relationship remains vibrant and significant when mentees regularly ask for what they want (“I’m interested in hearing more about your earlier limiting beliefs and how you overcame them”). 

Myth #4: You Only Need One Career Mentor 

The old mentoring model assumed you only needed one good mentor throughout your career. This mentoring model was most effective when people stayed with one company for many years, however more frequent career moves have brought a new perspective. We benefit most from a network of mentors with a rich blend of expertise and experience. This network is dynamic and evolves over time based upon where we are at different stages of our careers. One result of this network approach is that we don’t need the “perfect mentor” when we have a variety of perspectives to draw support from.

Myth #5: Mentoring Is A Formal Long-Term Relationship

Because the world moves fast and people change jobs and careers more often, a long-term advising relationship may be unrealistic and unnecessary. Of course, the advice and guidance may be richer and more relevant if it comes from someone who knows you well and understands your goals. You still need to build relationships so that when you require advice, you have the connections in place. However, there may be times when you look to people who don’t know you as well or at all to get once-off counsel from an outsider’s perspective. 

Myth #6: Mentoring Is For Junior People

Many people assume that they only need a mentor when they are first starting out in their careers, however people at every stage benefit from this kind of assistance.   There are many junctures in a corporate or agency career when one can benefit from having a mentor, and having established relationships in place allow you to seek assistance as the need arises. 

Myth #7: Mentoring Is Something People Do Out Of The Goodness Of Their Hearts

The honor and respect that a mentor derives from being a mentor isn't the only reason people agree to help. Mentoring is phenomenally valuable to both parties involved, and through the mentoring process mentors also benefit. They have the opportunity to enhance their leadership skills and expand their perspectives; specifically, by seeing their business world through different eyes, by being challenged on perceived wisdom, by increasing their awareness of issues at other levels across the organization, and by meeting new members of the organization they otherwise would never interact with.

Question #4: What Are The 5 Reasons That A Mentoring Relationship Fails?

There are a variety of reasons why a mentoring relationship can fail, or not fully satisfy the expectations of the intended beneficiaries, including the mentee, the mentor and the organization. Here are five reasons for relationship stagnation or failure:

Reason #1: Lack Of Training For Mentors And Mentees.

Research suggests that only 1 out of 3 mentoring relationships are successful when no training is supplied for mentors or mentees. That figure increases to 2 out of 3 relationships succeeding when the mentors have professional training in how to be a good mentor. The most impactful training scenario however is when both the mentor and mentee receive training on how to manage their mentoring relationship, in which case one can expect a 90% success rate.

Reason #2: Too Much Or Not Enough Structure.

Just like in college or school, it is important to remember different people require different environments to feel comfortable. Some mentees and mentors will appreciate a regular regime for meeting and working through issues, while others will prefer a less formal arrangement. Be sure to get clarity and specify your expectations when you are creating your mentoring agreement with your mentor.

Reason #3: Poor Matching.

Poor matching probably seems like an obvious pitfall and it is. What isn’t so obvious is what actually constitutes good matching. The first thing to account for is having a defined purpose for the mentoring relationship itself. It is important to define your matching criteria before you identify potential mentors. Before deciding on the match, ask yourself a few questions, such as the strategic focus of your mentoring relationship, or your desired outcomes. 

Reason #4: Ignoring The Checkpoints.

Clear checkpoints in a mentoring relationship help the mentee feel like there is a beginning, middle and an end to the relationship. Although this may sound basic, according to research, it is a big factor in satisfaction for many participants in a mentoring relationship. For example, not having a clear cut off point and effective closure to a mentoring relationship can leave mentees feeling dissatisfied afterwards, feeling as though they have done something wrong if they have not received good feedback from their partner. 

Reason #5: Setting The Expectation.

One of the last but definitely not least is having clear expectations for the relationship. Have you ever had that moment where you enrolled in a program or an event thinking it was one thing and then you were disappointed to find out it was something completely different? As the mentee, you have to be clear about how to drive the relationship and that it is your responsibility to do so.  

Question #5: What Are The 5 Phases Of A Mentoring Relationship?

The practice of mentoring is a powerful means for the mentee to achieve longer-term personal development. A successful mentoring relationship includes five distinct phases in the relationship, each of which provides development opportunities for both partners, not just the mentee. The five phases of a mentoring relationship include:

Phase #1: Focus on Growth

The mentoring process begins with the mentee examining their long-term development objectives. Mentees may consult with their manager on setting mentoring objectives. Mentoring may even be formally added to their annual development plan – although this is not a reportable relationship. With their development goals in mind, the mentee then selects a mentor.

Phase #2: Building Rapport

After identifying a mentor and securing informal agreement, the mentee formally asks the potential mentor for their commitment. Although this step might cause some uncertainty – a well-designed approach will ease your anxiety. Should a mentor decline during the informal phase for reasons of conflict, goal miss-match, or over commitment, ask them for insight to other potential mentors. 

Phase #3: Setting Direction

Typically, on the agenda for the first meeting is a discussion on mentoring goals and expectations for the mentoring relationship. This phase is often called the mentor/mentee contracting phase. The mentee has prepared in advance the objectives of a mentoring relationship and has written down her expectations, including; Goals - What are my goals for the relationship? Scope - What areas do not require my attention? Trust - How will we deal with confidentiality? Fit - When and how will we check that the mentoring relationship is "right" for both of us? In the event that the relationship ends early, the mentoring pair needs to agree to take responsibility to discuss the decision as part of mutual learning.

Phase #4: Progress

Within a mentorship relationship the mentee sets the direction and the agenda for his interaction and relationship with his mentor. If the mentor is working harder than the mentee on the mentees’ goals, then the relationship is not working. 

Phase #5: Moving On

All good mentoring relationships come to an end! After 12-24 months (as defined by the agreement), it is time to conclude the structured mentoring relationship. By this time the mentee has probably advanced sufficiently and achieved their mentoring goals. It is also quite possible that through the mentoring relationship, career goals may have changed. Mentees may be comfortable moving on independently and may no longer need this support.

Bottom-Line

You should find a mentor to help you to advance your career or overcome hurdles in your professional life! There are a variety of ways in which you can find the perfect mentor to help you achieve your professional goals; for example, you can elect to participate in a mentoring program offered by your employer, or by professional affinity groups. Or, if you do not have access to a sponsored mentoring program, you can also reach out to suitable individuals yourself and request mentorship support. Before you journey down the path of finding the perfect mentor however, you will want to reflect upon exactly what mentoring is and how a mentor can benefit your life.