5 Questions Leaders Should Ask To Embrace Their Unique Identity

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One of the greatest Olympic swimmers of all time, Michael Phelps gave us an example of purpose to examine. Victory after victory, medal after medal, Phelps was simply unstoppable. He made history winning his 8th gold medal at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, but what happened shortly after is common among athletes who have attained their loftiest goals: He plunged into a deep depression. As with many accomplished and well-trained athletes, his goal became his purpose.?

Let me be crystal clear: I’m absolutely in favor of setting and accomplishing goals. I actually help people do that. But there’s a line that we must be careful not to cross. When a goal becomes our deepest mission, it can set us up for a huge letdown. We reach the goal only to realize that there is life after achievement, and then we’re stumped as to why we’re still here. Unsurprisingly, this can give rise to depression and apathy.

Purpose comes before goals and accomplishments, not the other way around. Purpose is not limited to positions, titles, responsibilities, and roles we play from day to day. Instead, our purpose is played out through whatever roles and activities we have daily.? When I ask people what their purpose is, I often hear, “being a great dad” or “being the best mom I can be” or even “being a great example to my employees.” This is admirable, but when we finish raising our kids, then what? What happens when our employees take other jobs or change careers? If the definition of our purpose - a major piece of our identity - is in some way dependent on the presence of others, we are missing the critical element of independence.

I’ve visited the Middle East a handful of times to share my Inside Out Leadership principles with leaders crossing into every sphere of society. It has been an amazing experience, as I always have far more to learn from them than they do from me. It’s always refreshing to hear the top question I am asked when I set foot in that region of the world.

What do you suppose they ask the most??

Many people assume it has to do with how tall I am (I’m 6’4” so I get that a lot), or what brings me over to that region, or whether I played professional basketball - but I’m rarely asked about what I do. Instead, it involves who I am. They ask, in so many words, “Who are you?” They essentially want to know what makes my heart beat faster - what make me come alive. The first time I was asked this question, I must be honest, I was floored and taken completely off guard! ?

If you were asked this question, how would you respond??

Who are you?

It’s a fascinating and challenging query. It throws us off because in the Western world, we ask a very different question! What are you asked when you meet someone for the first time?

Yes, you guessed it! “What do you do?”?

We are so accustomed to letting people know what we do that it can easily start to define who we are. ??

Thus, we experience an identity crisis.

We shout our titles, positions, accomplishments, and accolades in everyday conversations by default. It’s all we know. After all, it’s all we’ve been taught. Meanwhile, we have lost who we really are. We operate from a position, a title; we wear that badge proudly. But when we have a rough day at work, guess what happens? We're down in the dumps, our self-worth plummets, and we strap ourselves in for an emotional rollercoaster. Surely I’m not the only one who has taken that ride. Other times, we land a big deal or achieve a big goal and our emotions skyrocket. Ultimately, we let what we do define who we are and suffer through the unpredictable ups and downs. What an opportunity we have in our self-discovery process to find out who we actually are!?

Imagine you become stranded on a desert island for a full year. You have food, water, and all of life’s bare necessities. However, you are stripped of every title and responsibility in your life. Nothing exists but you. How would you rate your self-worth on a scale from 1 to 10? 10 being, "Yeah! I enjoy who I am. I don't need anything or anyone," and 1 being, "I'm lost. My self-worth is completely diminished." Take a moment and honestly consider this. Would your sense of self-worth hold up??

Since the beginning of recorded history until now, researchers estimate that more than 100 billion people have lived on earth. (Can you imagine having to calculate these things?) Despite those numbers, there has never been, there is not, and there will never be anyone exactly like you. Even among the 8 billion people currently alive and the masses that will live in the future, you will always remain unique.

You love the way no one else loves, you solve problems in ways no one else does, you help people in ways no one else does, you think thoughts no one else thinks, and only you can fulfill your specific purpose!?

If you want to discover (or re-discover) your purpose, the first step is to lower your guard and embrace who you are.?

If you want to understand who you are, here are 5 questions leaders should ask themselves:

1. Do you know your personal core values? These are values in which you stand firm. They are strong convictions of the heart, as I like to call them.?
2. What are your top strengths? These are the things that come easy to you. They don’t require as much hard work, and they are fruitful.?
3. What are the top passions in your life? These are things that literally have you leaping out of bed in the morning. They can be work or pleasure-related. You could easily talk about or engage in these activities all day long.
4. What are your top life milestones? These are things that have helped make you into the person you are today. It could be the divorce of a family member. It could be the birth of your first child. It could be your first job or your first entrepreneurial paycheck. Whether it was a joyous or a challenging experience, a stake was put in the ground either way. Maybe you didn't fully understand it at the time, but a part of you knew you would never be the same. Milestones are about owning your story, and in that process, helping others own their stories.?
5. What's the primary gift you've been given? There may be some crossover between strengths, passions, and gifts, but a gift isn't as much for you as it is for others. Your gifts impact and influence others. For instance, are you gifted at encouraging people? Are you? super compassionate? Are you a gifted leader? Great at solving complex problems? When you understand your primary gift, you can then present it to others who unwrap those gifts, so to speak.

(Content is taken from my first and second book,?'Lead the Way: Inside Out Leadership Principles for Business Owners & Leaders' and 'All In: How Impactful Teams Build Trust From The Inside Out' )

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I'm interested in Robb's Speaking

Robb's passionate and practical keynote talks lead the way from burnout and emptiness to fulfillment and success, exploring how an individual’s innate purpose is worth so much more than the money they earn or the business results they achieve. To book Robb,?click here .

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About Robb Holman

Robb Holman is a Global?Keynote Speaker ?and?3x Author ?of leadership books,?Lead the Way, All In, and Move the Needle. In 2022, Global Gurus named him one of the Top 30 World’s Leadership Thought Leaders and his Inside Out Leadership philosophy has been featured in publications like Inc, Forbes, and Fast Company. You can visit Robb by going?here .

Robb is presently offering a?FREE assessment ?to help create a level of self-awareness on four key areas of your life: Perspective, Purpose, Vision, and Leading Yourself F