#5 Mentally Strong People Don't Worry About Pleasing Everyone

The book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin argues that mental strength is a skill you can develop to cope with life's challenges and reach your full potential. It identifies 13 behaviors that can hinder mental strength and offers strategies to overcome them. Here is number five:

#5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that attempting to please everyone is an impossible task that leads to stress, resentment, and the erosion of personal boundaries.

They understand that prioritizing their own values and needs is not selfish but essential for maintaining mental health and authenticity. By not overly prioritizing others' approval, they maintain their autonomy, leading to more genuine relationships and a fulfilling life. Accepting that it's impossible to meet everyone's expectations enables them to make decisions based on their principles and to accept that disappointment in others, when it arises, is part of life's natural dynamic. This approach encourages a balanced life, where self-respect and personal goals are not sacrificed at the altar of others' desires.

Think about it this way...

Life is like a painter's canvas. Attempting to paint according to everyone else's preferences leads to a muddled, incoherent piece that reflects neither the artist's vision nor a meaningful message.

Conversely, painting according to one's vision and style, even if it doesn't please everyone, results in a work that is authentic and resonant with personal truth

Are you more like Megan or Tara?

The Liberation of No: Megan's Journey to Self-Prioritization

In the community of Willow Creek, Megan and Tara were neighbors and close friends, each grappling with the demands of their bustling lives.

Megan, always aiming to be the consummate people pleaser, found herself swamped with requests from family, friends, and community members. Her inability to say "no" led to a schedule so packed that her personal and family life began to suffer. Her stress levels skyrocketed, and she often felt unappreciated, despite her efforts to accommodate everyone.

Tara, observing Megan's plight, chose a different path. She understood the value of setting boundaries and politely declined requests that conflicted with her priorities or personal well-being. Though initially worried about potential backlash, Tara found that people respected her honesty and boundaries, leading to healthier relationships and a more balanced life.

Megan's realization came during a heart-to-heart with Tara, who shared her approach to not worrying about pleasing everyone. Inspired, Megan started implementing Tara's tips, gradually learning to prioritize her well-being and to appreciate the freedom that came with setting healthy boundaries. Over time, Megan found her stress levels decreasing, her relationships deepening, and her personal satisfaction growing.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't

AMAZON: Audiobook (6 hours, 36 minutes) and book available:

BLINKIST: 40 minute in-depth book summary available:

Great Related Book: Mindset

The book Mindset by Carol S. Dweck explores the concept of mindset and its impact on various aspects of life. The book argues that there are two main mindsets: fixed and growth.

• Fixed mindset: People with a fixed mindset believe their intelligence and talents are fixed traits. They view challenges as threats and failures as proof of their inadequacy.
• Growth mindset: People with a growth mindset believe their intelligence and talents can be developed through effort and learning. They see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, and failures as stepping stones on the path to success.

Tip: When interviewing people for positions, interview to determine if they have a Growth versus Fixed Mindset. Then hire those with the strongest Growth Mindset that meet, or exceed, position requirements. This is what I do.

Mindset highlights the following key points:

• Mindset shapes how you approach challenges and setbacks: Those with a fixed mindset tend to give up easily, while those with a growth mindset persevere.
• Mindset can be learned: People can develop a growth mindset through practice and encouragement.
• Growth mindset benefits various aspects of life: It can lead to better academic performance, stronger relationships, and greater success in careers.

Mindset also provides examples of how mindsets play out in different situations, including:

• Education: Students with a growth mindset are more likely to thrive in challenging classes and learn from mistakes.
• Business: Companies with leaders who have a growth mindset are more likely to be successful.
• Relationships: People with a growth mindset are better at navigating challenges in their relationships.

The book offers practical tips for developing a growth mindset, such as:

• Praising effort over intelligence: This encourages a growth mindset by focusing on the process of learning.
• Embracing challenges: View challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
• Learning from mistakes: Don't see failures as setbacks, but as stepping stones on the path to success.

By adopting a growth mindset, you can develop a more positive and resilient outlook on life, and achieve your full potential.

AMAZON: Audiobook (10 hours, 23 minutes) and book available.

BLINKIST: 15 minute in-depth book summary available

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