5 Life Lessons That Helped Me Thrive After Trauma

My disability is one of the first things people see about me. Because of that, I’ve been spending a lifetime sharing with others a few details surrounding that painful night. Satisfying the collective curiosity let us move forward with whatever we were meeting about in the first place. Whether these interactions are social, work-related, or just out in public, it was necessary to me to let others know, “Everything is cool. My life is good.”

By setting their mind at ease and answering the questions they held back, I could cut through the social awkwardness that enveloped our circle initially and move forward. Imagine wearing the most traumatic day of your life on your sleeve 24/7. Initially it’s raw and painful, but eventually, it becomes hardened and calloused, more durable than before.

The experiences I had before my accident helped me get through that pain and rise again to live my life once again to the fullest. I’m confident that someday, these common tools will lead me to get back up out of this chair on my own. Here are some of the lessons that helped me get through the painful aftermath of the accident that paralyzed me from the neck down.

1. It’s going to hurt. Just keep going forward until it doesn’t.

My youth was spent in a variety of sports and physical activities. As an athletic guy, I understood what it meant to push my body to its limits. When your body builds muscle, it does so through trauma; activity makes micro tears in the fibers, and the body heals it up stronger than it was before. It’s cliché but true that “pain is gain.”

After my accident, I used that same mentality to get my life up and going again. Just because I couldn’t do the same things physically that I used to do didn’t mean that I let go of that kind of determination that I had before the accident. I began to come up with other goals, not only to move my life forward but to keep focused on something I could achieve. It helped me thrive in a life that many would have initially perceived as being lost.

I willed things to happen through the vision, focus, and hard work I’d used to get my game to reach the next level in sports. Eventually, things jelled for me. I set my mind to working in finance, and I became a money manager at several well-known multinational financial institutions. I wanted to learn to meditate, and now I can spend hours in deep and quiet self-reflection. Spending time visualizing specific goals allowed me to shape and change my new life.

I certainly had hurdles to maneuver, advances and then plateaus, but I’ve just kept going onward and upward. When I’d achieved my dream job and developed a profound meditation practice, I gave myself a new goal: becoming an author. Since then I’ve published three books: Captain of My Soul: Mastering a Destiny Altered, Powering Through Paralysis: How to Survive & Thrive With Disability or Disease, and The Immortal Soul: The Journey to Enlightenment

There have been fits and starts, but every day that I put the work in, it gets a little easier to reach the many goals I set for myself. The beginning is the hardest part, so keep going, even when it hurts.

2. If you want it, you have to think you deserve it.

This is many people’s biggest obstacle in getting the life they want. If they want it, they have to believe that it’s possible and even probable. Let me be clear though: To deserve something doesn’t mean you won’t have to work hard for it. You have to think you’re worth the effort it takes to build your dream.

I cut my teeth in business, specifically in money management, which is very much the art of knowing how to convey the value of something. You have to be able to show someone why a stock and bond transaction is mutually beneficial for them to be enticed and to trust your judgment. It was a daily part of my financial career, and it’s also an incredibly valuable skill for getting through life.

I have to advocate constantly, and sometimes the best way to convince people to accommodate me is to show them it’s value. Here’s an example: If I wanted to demonstrate to a small retail shop the value in making accommodations for me, I might drop the following statistics. 1. People with disabilities represent one trillion dollars in purchasing power. 2. Disability-friendly locations are more likely to be patronized by both people with and without disabilities.

If you want something, you have to be willing to ask for it. That means that if you have a life you’ve imagined, you have to be prepared to will it into existence through your actions.

3. Everything is more tolerable if you can laugh about it.

Why would I let my accident deprive me of that joy? I’ve been known to catch someone off-guard with a well-timed joke about my disability. Every one of us has hard parts in our lives, but the ability to joke about them can be a heartening reminder that we’ll endure them.

Earlier I talked about becoming calloused to the pain of trauma. Joking about it helps to normalize things for you and the people around you. Humor can be a way to gain distance and a kind of peace with a situation.

Plus, people who laugh live longer. They’re usually more optimistic as they maneuver their way through life and often are the ones that can move forward after traumatic events sooner than those who approach tragedy darkly. I cover many ways to change your mindset in Powering Through Paralysis: How to Survive & Thrive With Disability or Disease in chapters on setting goals, overcoming obstacles, and meditation. Even the most disheartened and downtrodden among us can find great fulfillment and joy in their life.

4. Be grateful.

Gratitude is a choice we make. We can choose to focus on our joys rather than our burdens and decide to find ways to turn our individual burdens into blessings. We can choose to enjoy the beauty of our journey rather than cursing the long road we travel.

Making that choice, choosing to focus on the light parts of my life to illuminate my darkest hours has made all the difference. There were many things I had once enjoyed that I could no longer do — no more playing racquetball, weight lifting, or waterskiing — but then there were things that I’d hated doing and would never have to do again — no more dusting, mowing a lawn, or dishes. By focusing on something like the additional time I had saved now that household chores were off my list, I chose to see the good in my life.

Putting my attention and energy on the positive things in my day has invited even more positivity into my life. That perspective has allowed me to cultivate my many joys instead of spending time tending to the seeds of sorrow sown by my accident. It’s essential to foster and acknowledge the good things in your life, instead of getting caught up thinking all about the bad stuff.

5. Never stop seeking.

I have an innate curiosity. When something catches my interest, I have a deep-seated need to learn about it and understand it. That unquenchable thirst for ideas and information has led me down incredible paths. It’s also helped me see that there is more to life than our physical bodies. It’s only natural that we begin to look for answers after trauma. A need to understand the mechanics of existence led me to explore the scientific and spiritual intersection of studying past lives and lives between lives.

Reading the work of Dr. Michael Newton, Dolores Cannon, and Brian L. Weiss, M.D. inspired me to begin my own research using hypnotism and past life regression techniques to help people understand themselves in this life, the lessons they are here to learn, and the divine nature of their souls. This allowed many of them to reconcile the traumas they’ve faced in this life and begin to heal. Finding yourself and purpose in life through visualization, meditation, mantras, and hypnosis can start to unlock the mental shackles that often hold one back when faced with seemingly insurmountable pain and anguish.

My third book, The Immortal Soul: The Journey to Enlightenment, brings forth tools to help you find your true self and your purpose. It is a guide to navigating life’s treacherous waters by correctly applying the Universal Laws, laws that impact each of us and extend far beyond the boundaries of our present reality and throughout all the spiritual realms.

I encourage you to reach for your dreams, unlock the mysteries of what makes you, “you,” and work to move your life forward, now aware that all you seek can be within grasp. Find yourself, and you can reach heights and realize destinies you never thought possible.

Conclusion

Trauma is never easy. It’s not meant to be. The ripple effect of trauma makes it debilitating not only for the befallen, who have been scarred by the blunt sword of tragedy falling heavily on their brow but for the ones who care most deeply for them.

But trauma does not have to be the thing that defines our lives. Look at life’s setbacks as opportunities to test yourself, to find your strength, and to heal stronger than before. Let your past trials and experiences be what guides you in a positive direction toward the life you want to live. Embrace the test of fire and rise again from the ashes of your former existence, emerging like the Phoenix into a new version of your life.

I go into more significant details about these lessons and many, many more in my books Captain of My Soul: Mastering a Destiny Altered, Powering Through Paralysis: How to Survive & Thrive With Disability or Disease, and The Immortal Soul: The Journey to Enlightenment. If you enjoy them, please share your thoughts on Amazon’s review section.