5 Life Experiences That Completely Changed My Direction

Knowing what you want in life, is tough. Having the courage to do something about it,?tougher.

Life unravels in the funniest ways.

We aren't born with limits. Yet, as we age, we collect a bag of limiting beliefs. We pack them away and tell ourselves we can't.

Along the way, we trip. We stumble. We inevitably fall.

Completely by accident, we let go of the beliefs that hold us back.

Amongst the billions of experiences I've had throughout my life, 5 stand out. Ironically, they all occurred in the last 5 years-- starting at the age of 25.

5 years ago, I learned a valuable lesson

I have a stutter-- it's always been my biggest insecurity.

I used to limit my ceiling based on my speech. For the majority of my life, I thought working in a warehouse was my future.

Haircuts gave me anxiety. I couldn’t vocalize what I wanted, so I always left with "The Barber’s Choice". I hated it. It was yet another reminder that I couldn't have what I wanted.

Fast-forward to today, and my last job involved speaking in front of 100+ people over Zoom. I still don't speak how I'd like, but I always make sure to say what I want.

Here's the funny thing about life.

You can't become your best self without accepting yourself, now.

The following 5 experiences have shaped me, spun me around, and pointed me in the direction of having everything I've ever wanted. Most of which, happened by accident.

#1.?A series of road trips

When I turned 25, I was at a crossroads in life. I had recently quit my job to start my own business. I failed big time. Not because I wasn’t driven or dedicated but because my motivation was misguided.

Everything I did was to outrun my self-image.?I didn’t have nice clothes growing up so I wanted to make money. Disfluency made me feel weak so I wanted to appear strong.

Caffeinated, muscle-bound, and emotionally hollow, I chased ego in hopes of capturing self-worth.

We all know that success takes hard work. But forcing yourself to work hard is not a long-term strategy.?After pushing myself to the limit and burning out, I broke up with my ego.

I decided to accept what I had been avoiding — who I was.?I was sensitive, I stuttered, and I liked to write-- things I was raised to think made me weak.

What happened next:

I sought out others that understood my challenges. People that stuttered. The closest stuttering group was 26 hours away, in Southern California. So, I took the international road trip to attend an NSA (National Stuttering Association ) meetup. I ended up going back 3 times over the span of 2 years.

Coming to terms with who I was, cleansed my judgement.

I no longer lived in defiance of my stutter, but by embracing it. I did things because I enjoyed them. Naturally, I like writing because it allows me to express myself without limitations.

#2.?Cutting ties with detractors

Friends are often made out of circumstance.?As Seth Rogen (a fellow Vancouver native) says in his book ,

“All of the friends I had were out of convenience. I hadn’t really selected anyone. I was just near them all the time so they were my friends.”

After high school, I had a tough time finding my path in life. Unfortunately, my friends didn’t support experimentation. They were, for the most part, into bar-room banter, drinking beer, and suppressing their emotions.

We wanted very different things in life.

It's normal for friends to veer apart over time. The true mark of friendship is if your paths re-connect. I didn't feel like I could be myself around my friends, so I took a break from them. All of them.

What happened next:

I moved from a small town to 'the big city'. I stopped replying to almost everyone in my life. I felt guilty, but I wasn't happy. I needed a reset.

It can be scary to make new friends as an adult, but sometimes, it’s necessary. Although I felt lonely at times, I needed a clean slate before I could build myself back up.

I dipped into my savings, travelled, reflected, and tried new things.?I went on a full-out "find myself"?journey.

Eventually, I felt comfortable enough to re-kindle certain relationships. Others, I didn't.?True friends will understand and welcome you back with open arms. But not everyone will-- and that's ok.

#3.?Being called a writer

Calling yourself something before you feel like it is awkward-- like giving yourself a nickname. But, growth is awkward at first. It should feel uncomfortable.

Momentum has to start somewhere.

You don’t buy new shoes before trying them on. You see if they fit, walk around in them, and then decide whether they’re worth the investment.

There’s no shame in trying on an identity to see if it fits.

Calling yourself what you’d like to become is a form of manifestation.?It trains your brain to work unconsciously towards your goals.

For me, this happened by accident. When starting my new job, I introduced myself as someone who likes to write. I called myself "a writer" without thinking. To my surprise, everyone accepted it.

In hindsight, why wouldn't they?

From then on, I was "the writer".

What happened next:

Being a writer quickly became my identity. It was reinforced every day at work. My co-workers asked me questions about writing and joked that I had an unfair advantage posting on Slack, because?I was a writer.

By merely not correcting them, I felt like a writer. Just like bad friends can stunt growth, the right people can streamline it.

#4.?A classic story of heartbreak

I was raised to work hard. Specifically, harder than others. I was never the smartest in school or most athletic. I was chubby, shy, and had trouble making eye contact. But, I knew how to work hard.

Working hard is a valuable asset, but success should not be measured by comparing yourself to others. This turns every interaction into a competition.

There are many things in life you cannot force. Relationships, are one of them. When I experienced my first bout of heartbreak, I felt like a gigantic failure.

Things didn’t work out because I tried too hard. It was tough to accept. Tougher than I expected.

What happened next:

After having my world was flipped on its head, I realized that hard work is nothing without authenticity.?If you’re not doing something for genuine reasons it’s not worth doing.

This experience taught me that failure is ok. It doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it makes you strong.?Through embracing failure, a new world opened up.

Conversations became opportunities to learn as opposed to compete. Experimentation became an option in life. I tried many different paths. Failing at almost all of them.

We all have limitations.

We all feel pain.

And, we all fail — if we didn’t we wouldn’t be human.

#5.?Trust falling into my own arms

Sometimes there’s no good reason to do something. You just have to do it.

After pouring every ounce of my misguided self into starting an online business, I gave up trying to be?successful. Focusing on money put a timer daily timer on my growth as a writer.

Development is an investment.

Even if your account is at zero, know there is money in the bank.

I still remember the series of thoughts that freed me from a lifetime of clock-watching.?Sitting at the bottom of my staircase, I gave into blind faith. Not into a higher power but into… well nothing. I repeated over and over again,?It’s just going to work out.

I genuinely love writing and don’t plan on ever stopping —?so?what’s the rush?

With a long-term approach comes the ability to learn and grow wholesomely. I’ve been writing since 2019, with my only goal to become a better writer. Take out the money, views, and the dream of quitting my day job, and success is inevitable. Even if I don’t have the answers as to how or why.

What happened next:

Well, you’re experiencing it first hand. I’m writing, I’m learning, and I’m loving it. Developing at my own pace has allowed me to enjoy the process.?The quickest way to fall out of love with your passion is to put monetary expectations on it before you’re ready.

I write from the heart and no longer stress about going viral. I’ve written popular articles, polarizing ones, and articles that haven’t received more than 10 clicks.

Perhaps this article will skyrocket through LinkedIn virality.

Or, maybe it will fall flat. I’m not too worried either way because it has given me the gift of growth. As does everything I write.

My advice to you: live your life instead of planning for it

Life is a crazy trip, full of ups, downs, breakdowns, and sharp turns. It’s also home to some pretty amazing scenery. If you’re too focused on your navigation system, it will pass you by.

Each one of these events has shaped me into who I am today. They've also helped me discover 3 philosophies in which I live by:

1. To be vulnerable is to be human?—?Feeling is ok. It means you're human.
2. Life is but a series of choices with resulting outcomes?—?Don't overthink it.
3. Failure is the rule, not the exception—?For every 3 left turns, 1 is right.

Fail, learn, and feel the feelings-- it's the only way to grow.

What's one experience that changed your direction in life? ??

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