5 Keys to Overcoming Your People Pleasing Ways - Part 2 of a 2 Part Series

In Part 1 of this series I shared a bit about what it feels like to be a people pleaser to help ignite your motivation for change. Go back to read it for full details. Here are a few highlights:

You tell yourself your friends, family members, employees, volunteers should just know what to do.

You minimize your own wants and needs.

You excuse or justify away your need to speak up.

You tell yourself that you just want everyone to be happy.

But here’s the reality; People Pleasers don’t just want others to be happy. They NEED others to be happy! And most are actually controlling and manipulating their way to that end.

Yep….It’s true! Here’s the thought process:

I want to be okay.

I need you to be okay so that I can be okay.

I will do whatever it takes for you to be okay.

Doing anything can mean hiding true feelings, manipulating outcomes behind the scenes, having back hall conversations rather than speaking directly to anyone actually involved, avoiding tough conversations, lying or withholding information.

If you aren’t even certain what having feelings means…You are DEFINITELY a People Pleaser!

Here are the 5 Keys to Overcoming Your People Pleasing Ways

1. Collect the Pain: Begin to notice where you feel resentment, disappointment towards others. Notice when you are overwhelmed and frustrated. Pay attention to all the times you put your agenda aside for someone else’s emergency or request. This builds your motivation to make the change(s).

2. Determine What You Want/Need: It may have been a while since you thought about what you wanted. Practice doing some check ins throughout the day. Determine whether you are pretending to be happy or if you really are.

3. Start Speaking Up: Begin saying no to requests where appropriate and start setting boundaries and asking for help from others. Set clear expectations for your employees. Provide constructive feedback where necessary.

4. Gather Successes: As you speak up or say no and get a good response, take note. Remember all the times that your feared outcome did not happen. Start with people who are easier to speak with. Then work towards tackling the People Pushers in your life.

5. Build Momentum: Continue to speak up as you build enthusiasm and feel empowered. Enjoy the feeling and keep going!

Ready for change but not sure where to start? I've been helping leaders Just? Like?You for more than 20 years. Go here to grab a spot on my calendar now.