5 Key Lessons From ‘How To Be A Lady Who Leaves’

I can’t believe I first wrote How To Be A Lady Who Leaves seven years ago! It’s been revised since then, including a full update when the law changed to the current ‘no fault’ system in 2022.?

My dream for this book is that it’s the companion to every woman who embarks upon divorce - whether it was initially her idea or not. I want it to empower readers, for women to know that, however scary, they have what it takes to not only do divorce their way, but be excited about life afterwards. That’s why I’m always so delighted to hear readers have passed their copies on!?

The fully updated How To Be A Lady Who Leaves is available here . If you’re contemplating divorce, I suggest you give it a good read before doing anything else…? If you’re already underway in your divorce journey, get your copy quick!?

If you want a heads up before diving into the full read, here are five key lessons from the book:

1. The first thing to do is nothing

I’ll help you know whether your decision to divorce now is the right one for you in the book. If you have made your mind up, the first thing I encourage you to do is… nothing. To sit with it for a while. Just as you wouldn’t plant a seedling in a forest and hope for the best, you’d let it grow strong first, your decision to divorce needs protection before you allow other voices in.?

2. Get a plan before a lawyer

One of the biggest myths about divorce is that you need to instruct a solicitor straightaway. For most women (it may be different in a high conflict or high wealth situation) this is an unnecessary and costly move. Your solicitor is not your best strategic support. They can provide you with legal advice, but in the early days you need to get clear on your vision and values to inform your next steps.?

3. Know your numbers

Do not, I repeat, do not agree to or propose any financial settlement without going into the financial details of your situation. Do you know the value of your assets? Do you know the value of your liabilities? Do you have projections for what they may be going forward? Ignoring or estimating this could be a devastatingly costly error!

4. Role model your life to your children

I know so many women who stayed as long as they did ‘for the children’. But children are smart. They will pick up on tensions, even if you’re trying to hide them. Yes, children may find the separation and divorce of their parents unsettling and worrying. But being aware of that, and enlisting support, means that you can help them through it. You wouldn’t want your children to stay in a relationship that left them lonely, miserable and unfulfilled. So you are role modelling leadership by taking charge of your life and creating a new path.?

5. Recentre yourself

No woman who reaches the decision to divorce gets to that point unscathed. Your marriage and your life responsibilities have left their mark. Divorce is a time to really, truly, look after yourself. To actively reconnect with what’s important. To receive help, and if none is forthcoming, to be fearless and ask for that help. To be determined in reclaiming your life. Divorce is tough, there’s no getting away from that. But it is also an opportunity. It can, and will, be the start of a truer, brighter you.?

With chapters on decision-making, domestic abuse, finance, children and you, and real-life case studies to show you how it all works, How To Be A Lady Who Leaves is the companion book you need wherever you’re at in your divorce journey.?

Buy directly from me and get a little thank you, too!

Emma Heptonstall, the Divorce Alchemist is author of the Amazon best selling book How to be a Lady Who Leaves, the Ultimate Guide to Getting Divorce Ready . A former lawyer, Emma is a family mediator and founder of Get Divorce Ready the online self-study and group programmes. Emma has been featured on BBC Radio, The Telegraph, the iPaper and in Marie Claire Magazine. To find out more visit www.emmaheptonstall.com

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