5 Golden Rules of Being An EXTRA-ORDINARY Parent- So the rest of YOUR LIFE flows with ease!

How do you earn the deep love, respect and appreciation? of you by your children, NOT just as a parent but you as the HUMAN being?

You’re juggling so much… your ambitious career/business, your family, your partner, your friends, your community, the daily stuff of life- in all of this how do you maintain and grow the special relationship and trust of your children?

In my last post with you I shared how my hubby and I had got a unique and unfiltered insight into how our children view us, not just us as parents, but as people, and thankfully it was incredibly moving and beautiful. ??

So today I wanted to share with you what that took to achieve that and some pointers and steps for you to takeaway and start deploying for yourself, as well as definitely some mistakes to avoid!

To bring you up to speed for those of you who missed the post in your feed that I’m referring to, and also for context, we have a spread of 7 children from 9 to 25 years old- and you know what?!...

Santa still comes for every one of them!

Through being rich, through being dirt poor and back again, “Santa” has always found a way to turn up each year. ??

Now you will have to take my word for it that I know FOR A FACT that only the oldest 3 know who Santa is… it’s a kind of unspoken secret… but the other 4, from the 18-year-old down to the 9-year-old they still ‘believe’.

And every year they beaver away making special gifts for him, alongside letters that they leave for him.

Now it’s through those letters you truly ‘see’ you as a parent through their eyes unfiltered- because on Christmas Eve when we’re waiting for everyone to fall asleep we get to read them…

This year was no different, and at 3:00AM my hubby and I were in tears, because they wrote such ?? beautiful words about- not just their deep love for us, but their appreciation for us as human beings.

In their letters they shared their appreciation and insight to the work, ethics and teaching that we have provided for them, especially in their personal development.

All of our children who are currently 9, 12, 14, 18, 22, 24, and 25 years old, who by choice all still live with us, have given us this feedback:

... simply put they truly love and respect us as people- NOT just because we are their parents.

**Can 7 out of 7 be luck?**

No, absolutely not… and let me clear and transparent,

… we have had major struggles and challenges to get to this place of peace and ease (of which I’m going to do some ‘lives’ and videos on for a deep dive because I know they’ll be supper helpful for you), but, one thing never faltered- our children never lost their trust, faith and respect in us.

• You also don’t go throw a major catastrophe of going from the comfort of being worth $3.2 million dollars to living on $25 dollars a-day just weeks from giving birth to baby number five, due to the global economic crash ??in 2008 and not face serious ramifications in all areas of your life;
• or even the damage caused by toxic family relationships, most especially with our own parents, that have led to us raising our children on our own for the past 27 years.????

In other words, there are more than enough opportunities for us to have really taken a wrong turn for the very worst in our relationship with our children, an ‘out’ if you like, to us not getting to this place.

But tragically this isn’t true for so many people around us, time and time again, whether it’s friends, or clients, we observe, and they share with us how profoundly sad they feel because they’re so deeply disconnected with their children. ??

How did this happen?

FACT: MONEY, SUCCESS, STATUS, STABILITY DOESN'T PROTECT YOU

They have success both financially and in terms of their status and what they have wanted to achieve, they have long-term relationships, stability, maturity, paired with the best intentions.?

So then what produced these dysfunctional relationships?

This is a big and complex question right, but for today let’s break this into two parts.

QUESTION 1 | IT STARTS WITH YOU- WHAT DO YOU REPRESENT?

Honestly, and very uncomfortably, we need to start with ourselves. ??

There is a tendency with parenting experts to talk about how to ‘handle’ or ‘fix’ the children.

The truth is that our approach to everything in life is colored by our own experience and we bring that with us into our relationships with our children.

All of our past, everything we’ve observed, felt, been hurt by, felt joy from, been taught, all of it lands on the door step of parenting.

And that’s not all.

Everything you are RIGHT NOW, everything you are in your motherhood, career, income, relationships, health, happiness for better or for worse is affecting your parenting. ??

I know that for anyone who follows what I talk about and teach, they know I’m really, really, obsessed with the process of auditing all dimensions of life- (just like you would a healthy, growing business) to assess your current situation and have to hand a clear benchmark starting point and the ability to make a clear, doable plan.

This is why I love self-auditing as a tool.???

Understanding where you are now, and how you got there is invaluable to understand where you are currently in all your relationships, not just with your children, but your family, friends, colleagues, and most importantly- yourself.

This data is the foundation to you achieving really healthy, happy, mutually respectful, and where appropriate- deep, trusted, loving connections.

Think about it.

Do you sincerely believe that your children don’t see you, don’t understand your dilemmas and the emotions you go through?

They might not be able to put into words, but they are tapped into you- ‘the emotional being’- no matter how much you try and hide how you’re feeling!

You need to work on your mental resilience, not just because it’s good for your personally, and reduces stress, and puts an end to burnout, but because it better equips you to practice conscious parenting instead of simply just passively reacting to triggers?? from your children.

Children of the parents that I coach will plead with me to help their mom to learn how to be happy and especially to be present. An irony right?

So the fact is that you need to solve, or at least be working on your own challenges first.

Let’s take a look at the second part.

QUESTIONS 2| DO YOU RESPECT THEM?

It’s going to start with a question: do we really respect them?

In other words, do you invest in your relationship with them and see their value, the same way you would with your partner, or great friend, or even your career?

• Do they really feel heard by you?
• Do you actually ‘see’ them? The actual human being inside them that makes them tick?
• Do you respect their boundaries?
• Are you asking one thing of them, but you, yourself doing another?

And to loop all these questions into one pivotal tie,

• ...what ‘type’ of time are YOU spending with them?

I’m pretty sure that this is a triggering question for many of you, (… and boy do I hear you on that one!) ... as high-achieving professional moms we are juggling a lot maintaining a demanding career, kids, partner, friends, life! ???

But here’s the thing…

...it’s okay that you don’t spend every minute with your kids that you adore more than anything… it’s not about the ‘how much’, it’s about the ‘quality’ of that time.

And again, this loops you back around to the questions I’ve just run through, and you see your investment in them with the time you have.

Truth is that it's very easy to be around your kids a lot, but NOT actually be authentically there and connected.?

I run a business and have 7 children, so to sit down and spend 1 hour with each of them individually everyday would mean I would never get anything done!

So I never focus on the quantity of time that I spend, I focus on the QUALITY of it.

I have some set routines and habits in place that ensure and protect that I have a quality connection with them all every single day, that they each feel seen, heard, and cared for by me personally, because let me repeat…

It's very easy to be around your kids a lot, but never, ever, ever be present. And you aren’t alone this.

The majority of my clients’ complain that they want to be present with their family, but find themselves constantly thinking of what they should be doing for work, or for running the house, or worrying about what they haven’t done.

>???????So we have unpacked a lot here, the question remains:

after reading this article what simple actions can you take with you and start doing to build trust and deep connection with your children today?

Let’s break it down.

How To Begin The Process Of Creating An Enviable Deep Connection With Your Children [Where They Truly Respect & Trust You]

??THE 5-ACTION STEPS

Let’s turn insight into action. Here are 5-action steps to get you started.

Action Step 1|?

Embody What You Want Them To Be

Strive to be the best version of you. Every day is an opportunity to do better, live better, and truly thrive. If they see this lived out as your ethic they will copy you because we are the number one role model in their life.

If they ever waver a bit, they will find their way back because that is their programing.

**Side note here, this doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, being vulnerable and making mistakes that you don’t hid from them is also a crucial- more on that further down. It’s the genuine striving that is key.

Action Step 2|

Truly See, Hear, And Listen To Them

Be present, be authentically curious about them, ask them their ‘what, why, and the how’!

Learn from them, don’t talk at them, don’t BS them, be genuinely interested, and a good listener.

Get over yourself! Make a genuine and consistent effort. Go look things up that they’re interested in, showing them that their interests matters builds trust and openness.

Don’t be lazy. Think how you can weave in stories of your life experience into what they’re sharing, giving them feedback. ??

Action Step 3|

Show Emotion And Honesty

Of course you don’t want to be an emotional dumping ground for your children but you should be open and honest.

Only by setting this example will you be able to keep that reciprocity going into their adulthood, because children, even when they are small know when you’re hiding your feelings, your ups and your downs and everything in-between.?

You are not protecting them by hiding what you’re going through, their minds will go to deeper darker places.

Instead by trusting them, you are telling them that they have value and worth, and you are teaching them that they can ‘hold space’ for you, which in its self gives you comfort. It gives YOU space to work through what you need to work through without feeling you’re letting them done or damaging them.

This will help them feel productive, you even if they can’t do anything specific to help you with a problem that you’re encountering.

This also teaches them life skills on how to handle themselves, and those around them, especially regarding success and failure, and not fear either of them.

Action Step 4|

Own Your Temper!

Not having your best day, you’re sharp in your tone with them, or lose your temper… OWN it! Be humble, apologize. You set the example, and they will follow.

Let’s break this down.

• You lose your temper with them because of something they have done. Doesn’t matter- always apologize and explain that it’s not the healthy way to deal with it.
• You’re curt with them, or you lose your temper and it’s not their fault. Humbly apologize, and explain context.
• You’re generally having a bad day, or your upset, and you’re just bringing down the mood of the house- apologize and tell them why. Context is everything, they need to know it’s not their fault, and they don’t need to live in fear of you, but simply support you.

Remember: they are not your metaphorical punching bag.

Action Step 5|

Ask The For Input-Yes Really!

It doesn’t matter how old or young they are, get into the habit of asking for their opinion and feedback.

This not only opens healthy, constructive, and open communication making it easier for when you hit a bump because it’s already so natural for you to chat so comfortably together, it profoundly underscores your child’s feels about him or herself as being respected, trusted, valued and loved by you which they will mirror back at you 100 times fold!

PUTTING THESE 5-ACTION STEPS INTO PRACTICE

Actually putting these 5 Actions into practice is tough, and times you’re going to feel desperately uncomfortable and at times it’s even going to feel painful.

After all, breaking old habits is not going to happen overnight.

It takes time.

It takes repetition.

It requires patience and consistency.

And most importantly, it takes some forgiveness and kindness with yourself.

But keeping showing up and doing the work and your life with your children, and in fact ALL your relationships will change in the best and most beautiful way. ???

** To help you I want you to do the following:

I want you to write down this affirmation right now, keep with you, and keep repeating to yourself is this:

“I am free to choose a different thought.”

So every time you feel negative thoughts and doubts about how your handling your new way of parenting, just remember YOU are in control of how you want to think and feel, not your dark passenger! [Yes! A quick Dexter Morgan reference there!]

And when it gets difficult or tiresome, I want you to ask yourself this:

“What would your child write, unfiltered about you if they thought you were never going to see it?”

TO SUM UP

As professional women and mothers we’re handling a lot-

We’re handling other people’s expectations of US in the work force,

• Are we being too assertive or too people pleasing?
• Too emotional not emotional enough?
• Are we spending too much time at work or not enough?

… the list goes on.

The point is two-fold.

You NEED your home life as peaceful, in sync, and uplifting as possible as you navigate your business or career.

What you learn in the process of living by these 5actions steps-- the skills that you pick-up are invaluable to the success, fulfilment and clarity of your work life, and your work-health-life balance and harmony.

Your psychology – or beliefs – are what drive your actions…

It’s when you adopt a new set of BELIEFS that you get to thrive and enjoy your success.?

And that’s exactly why this I will be hosting a 3-day LIVE online free Get Your Work-Health-Life-Harmony Back Bootcamp challenge?? -> details to be shared soon to get you take back control over their health, time, + relationships WITHOUT trade-offs ?? and finally feel like yourself again... follow me to get deets early!

Together we’ll navigate the answers together, and I will be pulling back the curtain on how I run several profitable businesses, enjoy an incredible loving marriage and 7 devoted, awe inspiring children, and a pleasurable, meaningful life.?

I’ll run through my auditing process in real time with you- I created this powerful tool because I really struggled with setting priorities and knowing what to work on NOW that is going to actually move the needle, vs. what should be done and in what order.

By the end of the boot camp you’ll have a flowing game plan for you to follow and become the professional mom who thrives inside success well on her way to achieving work-health-life harmony.

Energy saboteurs, be gone! Deep beautiful, fulfilling, relationship-YES please! It’s time you hit your 2023 goals in a flowing, comfortable, and totally doable way.

In the meantime, carve out some time for introspection, get your note pad and pen, and ask yourself those two hard-hitting questions, and then get working on introducing the 5-powerful actions to achieve the most incredible, deep, loving, open, and trusting relationship with your children.

And remember: nothing is perfect other than THIS is the perfect day to start working on what YOU want.

You got this ??

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For tips and strategies to become the best and happiest version of yourself and build a work-health-life you’re proud of, access my ?? free 3-Part Moms Life-Balance Mini-Class Video series where I dive deeper and give you even more tips on how to have it all, and enjoy it all, without sacrificing a thing subscribe here and sign up at www.highachievingmoms.com/newsletter

And be sure to follow ? Louise McKenzie AND High Achieving Moms for more proven-to-work stress ditching tips and systems to fast-track your life-balance mastery… as well as be the first to get the deets of the 3-day LIVE online free Get Your Work-Health-Life-Harmony Back Bootcamp

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