5 Game Changing Ways to Use Emotional Intelligence to Your Advantage

Start right where you are.

Several years back, I was helping to lead a major program management office for and finding difficulty in communicating with some stakeholders. Lack of responses. Lack of agreement. Heck, lack of energy.

The biggest shift that I made was recognizing that any solutions would need to begin with me. So I changed the way that I saw things. I began finding a way to individually connect first with myself, and asked myself what change I'm really trying to influence. What do I want? What's best for the organization that I know I can play a role in helping to influence?

I then started to have individual conversations with people all over the organization. It created a ripple effect that got people to start communicating and listening more and more to one another. Ideas were shared. Plans made. And suddenly, stagnant work streams were picked up with new energy and revitalized hope.

What started with self-awareness branched out to self-management, motivation, empathy and uniting people with communication (social skill). The beauty of emotional intelligence is that it's an equal opportunity skill set for all of us.

So, where can you begin with emotional intelligence?

Self-awareness

For self-awareness, when it comes to goal-setting begin with the SMART goal setting technique. Specific. Measurable. Attainable. Realistic. Time-bound. Evaluate each of these criteria. Seek to get feedback from others and think about who you are, your strengths and what you're wanting most to achieve.

Self-management

For self-management, ask yourself, "Have I set up a system for success?" In other words, are you really prioritizing what you most want to accomplish? Prioritization takes discipline, commitment, self-confidence and... even more discipline. Start with carving time (I recommend 20 minutes) into your calendar each week (Sunday nights are best) for weekly planning, and each day for 10 minutes for daily planning.

Motivation

For motivation, clarify the purpose or the "why you're doing what you're doing" piece to clearly understand the reasons behind your thoughts, words and actions. When you can derive passion, purpose and understanding from your work, you'll form an unstoppable nucleus for achieving what you want.

Empathy

For empathy, remember first to be kind to yourself. Everything won't be perfect right away. It's best to be patient and kind to yourself. Listen to your inner voice and quiet the critic that is too negative. Similarly, be kind to others and inspire the people around you to do great things. Having an authentic, caring approach is going to change the way you see yourself and how others see you.

Social skill

For social skill, think about your strengths as a communicator and connector. Then, ask yourself these questions: What relationships are you building that are helping? What relationships can you build that will help you and your organization accomplish the goals you're trying to achieve? Do a current-state and future-state analysis of how you are as a communicator. Think about what you do well and what you want to improve.

Guidance to Go

Becoming more emotionally intelligent as a leader is a long game that's never won in the early stages. Perseverance, persistence, belief and optimism are big-time qualities of a champion leader. They become qualities that you can use for yourself and then share with others. This leadership influence is what you have in your control and can use to positively change everything around you.

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Christopher D. Connors is the author of The Champion Leader (pre-order now- available in May) . He's a keynote speaker, executive coach, and globally recognized expert on emotional intelligence. Christopher consults with executives and leaders at Fortune 1000 companies and with organizations spanning many industries.

His writing has appeared in World Economic Forum, CNBC, Thrive Global, Virgin and Medium. He is the #1 best-selling author of Emotional Intelligence for the Modern Leader, one of the top selling emotional intelligence books in the world. He is also the creator of the top LinkedIn Learning course, Leading with Emotional Intelligence.