5 Essential Connection Elements for Thriving Relationships

"The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives" -Ester Perel.

In business. At home. Even internally with ourselves. Relationships matter.

5 essential connection elements I'm constantly pulse checking my relationships for, especially in this season of hyper-growth:

1. Am I showing up Authentically?

Yes, especially in business, there is power to showing up vulnerably & authentically. I've noticed that when we break down the barriers of trying to measure up to everyone else's standards and approach relationships from a place of our own truth, we foster a space for growth.

I was in my 20s and had spent most of my young career approaching most of my relationships from a place of "this is who I'm supposed to be if <fill in the blank>": If I want to excel in management, if I want peers like them, if I want to land bigger clients, etc.

I was so busy wearing the mask of expectations that I forgot the most basic truth: we're all human. (*insert your shocked face here :-0)

It wasn't until I saw someone else showing up as her Authentic Self that I realized how powerful it can be to just simply "be human" and how much of an instant connection that ALONE can create with others. This has been a catapult for and vital to my success ever since.

2. Am I willing to be held Accountable?

Relationships are like soul contracts: we learn to expect certain behaviors from the other party and they learn to expect certain behaviors from us. (Disclaimer: growth is required in all relationships so by no means are "expectations" intended, ever, to be confining)

My clients become invested with their time and their money, as much as my own and I have a responsibility to hold myself accountable for my side of the relationship. Deliver what I said I would deliver or take responsibility and then make it right.

In the same way, my clients are accountable to their side of the deal.

In staffing, if my client claimed they'd have a safe place for a contractor to work, they would be held accountable for doing so. In coaching, my clients are responsible for putting in the small actions to create big changes in their life, they must take accountability for taking the actions only they have control over.

Accountability keeps the soul contract sacred.

3. How effectively do I Communicate?

News flash, even the best of us High Achievers are not mind readers (I know, GASP!).

So often we all experience this, the quality of our relationships comes down to our ability to communicate: verbally & non verbally. (*Fun fact, did you know that statistics consistently show that 75%+ of all communication is non verbal… yeah, let that one sink in Mr./Ms.-Always-Has-your-Arms-Crossed-When-You-Disagree){refer to Dr. Mehrabian's work for more on this topic}

Be able to communicate: what you want, what you need, what you expect and then be prepared to listen to what the other party wants, needs, & expects too.

4. Am I willing to give and receive Grace?

Remember that part mentioned above about being human? Yeah, that means we're never going to "get it all right" and the other participating party in the relationship, isn't going to either.

Being able to extend grace creates a space for creative solutions to be birthed and for "wrongs" to be "made right and whole again".

While I've become much more willing to extend grace, it amazes me how much I still have to be so intentional about receiving grace. This is a tendency of a High Achiever: we are way harder on ourselves than anyone else will ever be. #stillgrowing

5. Am I a champion for others' success & vise versa?

The people cheering you on, tend to be the same people you adore the most - aren't they? Can you imagine extending that kind of support to ALL of your relationships?

Especially when people least expect it, the smallest gesture of encouragement or celebration of the another person is like gas to a flame: that thang is gonna ignite (in all the right ways)!

I'm still a total sucker for a handwritten note sent to my team members or clients. Whenever I write one, I imagine them opening it and then later showing their other colleagues or their families and the pride they feel to be able to do so.

If you appreciate someone and can let them know, or if you can give someone else a "way to go!"… Do it.

Wrapping things up: take a look at the 5 to 10 people you interact with most in the day, whether it be clients, peers, family, or friends. Pulse check your relationships against these 5 things and if you notice an area that's lacking, be intentional about making a small shift that can have a big impact. I know it's been a game changer in my network.

Life depends on it!

What are some other examples of how these elements show up in your Relationships?

<<Thanks for the read & comment!>>

*If you'd like to hear additional tools and techniques for navigating relationships with others, check out the recent BONUS Unjuggle the Struggle Podcast episode "Relationships with Others Shift: Balancing Expectations & Authenticity". Thanks for listen!

*Check out brittneytollinchi.com for more