5 Do's And Don'ts of Dating Communication

If you’ve ever found yourself frustrated with dating and feeling resigned and exhausted from the search for love, you’re not alone. We’re all aware of the ups and downs of dating and the behaviors that have attributed to the decline in morale amongst singles. The speed and inefficiencies of dating apps have dashed a lot of hope out there and with this, even the kindest people skip over some basic gestures that make dating more effortless and rewarding. I’m not a fan of dating rules but there are definitely a few things to remember so you can have a better experience dating and avoid the common mistakes people make. It all starts with the first date and the moments and days that lead up to it.

1. Do text to set a time to talk. Don’t text to set a date to meet.

There are so many questions around texting behavior and what it means. When to text, how to respond and what to do if someone completely goes dark on you.

For guys: It’s safer to text first to ask for a specific time to chat. This cuts down on the back and forth of missed calls and gives both of you a chance to be present for the first phone call. If you skip this step and try to schedule your date via text, you’ll look careless and possibly miss out on a great gal. Hearing your voice helps her build a connection with you. It also a great qualifier for you. If she’s not warm and easy to chat with on the phone, you can back out and save valuable time spent on the wrong dates.

For gals: If you want to meet a great guy who’s relationship ready, don’t play games and prioritize this part of your life. Respond within a few hours (if not sooner) even if you don’t have time to chat right away. It takes only a few seconds to be responsive. If the texting becomes a habit, simply ask him to call you. It’s a simple request and one that will determine his level of interest in you. If he disappears, keep moving and don’t sweat it.

2. DO Communicate before your date. DON’T build a relationship before your date.

Duration of communication is one of the reasons that connections on apps never make it to a date. I’m willing to bet you’ve lost count of how many people you’ve texted with but never met in person. Don’t confuse texting and phone calls with dating. If you haven’t met, you’re not dating.

If you’re interested, have a brief call, then get to the date. No need to engage in lengthy chats or weeks of back and forth texting.

3. DO ask meaningful questions. DON’T interview and interrogate.

On your pre-date phone call, your job isn’t to determine chemistry, that’s impossible without meeting someone face to face. All you’re looking for is mutual interest to meet and general rapport.

When you’re on the date, asking meaningful questions is all about focusing on what matters most to you and the person you’re with, not a list of endless superficial questions. If you don’t know what is meaningful, all you have to do is ask: “What are you passionate about?” “What is your Mom/Dad like? Are you all close?” Remember, it’s not about YOUR questions. If you’re paying attention, you’ll be able to see when someone’s eyes light up or when they retreat. Body language is everything so don’t ignore it.

The biggest mistake singles make is to do the interview or interrogation style date. You’re not going to win any friends or lovers this way, so if you find yourself doing this, stop yourself. Sit back, relax and get to what matters most.

Go out with the intention of getting to know someone new and get your eye off the target. Dating will be much more fun for you and the people you meet.

4. Do be selective. Don’t turbo date.

Dating apps are just a knock at the door. They’re not good or bad, they’re just used incorrectly.

Be selective with who you swipe right on rather than being picky. The biggest myth is the more people you swipe or date, the higher chance of meeting the right one.

When you are turbo dating, you think you’re being more productive and effective because you’re “out there” you’re actually hurting yourself.

Click here to use my strategy for you to use dating apps so you don’t get overwhelmed and frustrated.

5. Do share. Don’t tell stories.

Sharing conversation creates a connection between two people. Telling your stories from that past, although interesting, doesn’t bring anyone closer to you. On your next date, pay attention to how someone is listening to you. If you’re observant, you’ll be able to recognize if someone is leaning in or pulling back.

Storytelling involves telling stories that are going on too long that have nothing to do with the other person. It’s all about you and not going to gain the interest you’re hoping to build.

Sharing is about revealing in order to connect. When someone asks you something that’s meaningful, you’re able to respond honestly with a thoughtful response. When this happens, you get the opportunity to ask the same question. When in doubt, remember you’re most attractive when you’re interested, not just interesting.

To wrap it all up, dating is just relating so relax and be yourself. Your personality should be the same regardless of being out on a date, spending time with friends or meeting up with colleagues. Manners matter so be thoughtful, kind and never forget the humanity that’s all too often missing in dating.