5 Communication Take-Aways from The State of the World

I call myself The Kind Communicator, which is the name of one of my books based on compassionate leadership, soft skills and personal development. I talk a lot about how kindness isn't just about being nice, it's about speaking your truth kindly, directly and thoughtfully. It's also about communication, listening and calm uniting.

We are in a state of unrest in this world and it breaks the heart and creates a divide. Opinions, thoughts, context, meaning and mismanaged approaches to communication are taking place and are therefore causing a rift and a divide, including a lack of responsibility for behaviors.

As a communication expert, I'd like to share some thoughts and lessons on what I see that can be solved healthily, even starting with one person at a time. Frustration is solvable.

5. Rants. In my latest book, Design Your Mind to be Kind, I tell my readers that venting is healthy, but long, irrational, complaining, whining rants are not. We must make the best use of our breath, for it is a gift and for our voice, as the message intended is not always the message received. LESSON: Include brevity in your daily mindset so that you can check yourself when you feel like you've gone off the deep end and gone too far ranting, complaining or spewing out irrationality. Don’t be the emotional drama toxic Avenger. Be one of the good guys. When you rant, you're seen as a ranter, not someone with something eloquent to say. Eloquence can be stated in long verse, but only when it's done with dignity.

4. Accountability. One of the most incredible traits of any leader is accountability. Did you mess up? Yes? Ok, then, apologize and provide a solution. My latest book has an entire chapter called “solutions based thinkers”. We don't have to point and blame all the time to get our point across. We don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed of our wrongs and then point at others to justify. Heck, we can own our mistakes when we make them and find a solution instead. LESSON: Owning mistakes in the moment creates an accountable leadership style that teaches your followers and fans that you are a legitimate badass. No one liked the boy who pulled your hair in grade school and blamed it on someone else. Don't grow up to be that person.

3. Opinionated is ok, but keep it brief. We are all divided. We are separated when we must come together. I’m finding it seemingly impossible to find a way or even think of a solution to bring the world together, but I will say that when opinions can be hushed to a dignified piece of communication, and true, real, solid talking arises, understandings will get met and viewpoints are better understood. LESSON. Opinions are ok to have, but they're not always ok to be ranted on over and over again. Make a point and keep it there but don't harp. Harping creates a divide- a reason to fight and oh they will fight alright. A coming together option would be to accept an opinion or not, but know that everyone has a thought-process and it's not about being right or winning, it's about feeling heard. You can't hear over BS ranting and raving, but you can listen when words are shared calmly.

2. Justifying. Deaths and looters. This world must teach its people to do right by man and woman. This world must not justify behaviors because it creates even bigger problems elsewhere. When you loot someone’s innocent business on behalf of something that happened in another state, there is a serious problem with justification here. Speak your truth, but don't hurt an innocent entrepreneur because you're angry. There's no integrity in that. You can't justify stealing or breaking glass in a far away place because someone without manners or without integrity did something wrong in another state. There's no justification there. LESSON. Learn how to get strategic. If you're mad, get mad but don't justify it with poor behaviors placed on innocent people, you're only creating a larger problem, not only for you but for a person that didn't deserve the wrong doing. Direct your communication to the problem, not towards something or someone that is not involved in the problem.

1. Belonging. Communication has the power to make people feel like they belong. Communication has the power to bring people together to talk things out healthily and hear each other's voices and needs, concerns and more. If you can figure out how to be a leader that creates a sense of belonging, it will rectify nastiness amongst the planet. LESSON. Belonging is a great way for people to feel heard, wanted and acknowledged and until you figure out a way to include belonging into your leadership mantra, you will continue to have civil unrest and misrepresentation of words, thoughts and feelings. 

To conclude, what we can learn from kind communication is that to be calm is a superpower. Calm can create understandings. Calm creates listening, it allows people to feel heard, like they belong and they no longer have to emotionally point, blame or justify, they can speak openly and honestly about what is going on so that a coming together can be made and shared. Until then, communication will be lost in the yelling, the fires, the tweets, the context, the rants, the BS stories and the options of people who just want to be heard, but don't give themselves a chance over their non-stop bitter chatter. Quiet down, speak calmly and that will always be looked upon as a leadership, an influence and a masterful way to receive and make a point.

Learning how to speak and act in new ways as an adult can be aspirational, yet challenging. Elizabeth Barry is an inspirational speaker, business coach and author that helps career driven professionals develop a kinder demeanor, especially when faced with stress. Her methodologies are practical and her zest for life is contagious. Gain self belief and become an influence to everyone around you, including yourself. The courage that lives behind your fear is the bravery you never knew you had- until it arrives. Challenge habits, create boundaries, and nurture relationships as you learn to surrender to what is… and become who you wish to be.