5 ADHD Building Blocks of Success

I love hearing stories from people I follow and admire about the reality of their situation. Not the sugar-coated version that seems so “inspiring” but yet somehow “unattainable”.

I don’t ever want to give off the impression that I think I’ve got it “all figured out”.

My goal is to share what I’ve learned for those perhaps just a few years behind me in their journey, or those just for the first time exploring the idea they may be ADHD, (I like “be” vs have because for me it’s not something I “have” it’s something I “am”), and the truth about what I am discovering in real-time for those who are looking simply for support or validation that?they are not alone?in this.

That said, just like most of you, I too have struggled throughout my life with too many thoughts and ideas racing through my brain that it can be a challenge to actually convert ANY of them to a “finished product”.

Cut to:?It’s Sunday at 10:42am as I am writing this. I intentionally did not set a specific time that these go out on Sunday for this reason. So I could avoid being “late”. Of course, I still want to judge myself and find all the reasons why I?“should have done this earlier in the week”, but I won’t.

Instead, I will focus on the positives in that a couple hundred people now have raised their hands and said they would like to hear from me to better understand their ADHD and improve their lives. That’s powerful.?

What I will do instead of shaming myself is use the momentum I’m building to get excited about creating it earlier in the week next time. And even more important than?when?it goes out is,?if?it goes out and?what it says.

This week has been powerful for me and I am beyond proud of the?online course?I put together and launched to the world. We are starting our first weekly coaching group tomorrow along with body double co-working sessions and I’d love for you all to join us. You can learn more about that?here.

So back to this current moment.

Son is hyperactive and trying to play, playdate coming over in hours, trying to build a trampoline, you can get the picture.

Yet I have this commitment to put out something of value to my audience so?how can I bring myself to step away and find the calm mind and the focus to gather my thoughts?

I coordinated a 2-hour block of time right now with my family to step away and create a chamber of silence where I can focus uninterrupted and allow my nervous system to relax enough for my brain to access the part where magic comes from.

So now sitting here with a calm body and clear mind, what could I share with you all that would add something to your week and your life in some meaningful way?

Well, I realize that,?just a few years ago, this very moment, where I can sit uninterrupted on a weekend to put energy into something I am so deeply passionate about and energized by, in a constructive way, that helps the world,?would have been impossible for me.

What changed?

Here are a few of what I believe are the?building blocks of my current success?and how I have been transforming my life and my relationship with my ADHD over the past 5 years:

#1) Boundaries:

I have learned the value of powerful boundaries and learned the skills to cultivate them in all areas of my life. More to come on the complex ADHD relationship with boundaries in the future but, here are some of the ways I’ve strengthened them to create the space I need:

• Clear and direct communication with my family for when I will need to be uninterrupted
• Improved planning and scheduling for when and how I will need to implement boundaries
• Reduced time on the phone with friends and family in exchange for more texting to reduce distractions

#2) Structure:

I have components that contain me and help me?stay focused without too much analysis?or second-guessing myself. Some of these key structures include:

• The weekly newsletter is scheduled for the same day every week
• The online course I have developed and plan to continue expanding on
• The community I have created and have a specific place to channel energy towards
• Online content throughout specific channels with consistent posting commitment
• My 5-year-old son has a consistent schedule for school drop off and pick up that “frames” my week and my availability for work

#3) Accountability:

I have created dependencies that hold me accountable which is a?HUGE driver of follow-through.

• 1:1 coaching clients that rely on me for their scheduled time to show up and be available
• Newsletter audience which is growing very quickly (over 200 in the past month since launching) and expects to hear from me every Sunday.
• Group coaching program at scheduled times throughout the week with others in need who are depending on me.
• My 5-year-old expects me to pick him up from school at a specific time and NOT BE LATE.

#4) Interest alignment:

I have embraced how CRITICAL interest alignment is for my motivation and I plan to do an entire newsletter soon on the ADHD brain and our?“interest-based nervous system”. (*In the meantime, to learn more about this connection, watch the video?in this article.)

When learning how directly tied to our performance this element was, I turned to a recently made famous framework for discovering my “true purpose” called?“Ikigai”. If you’re unfamiliar with it,?this video?explains it really well.

What is my Ikigai? Well, building an online business focused on coaching people with ADHD checks many boxes for me in terms of interest which makes it SO much easier to get in FLOW and show up in a powerful way. Such as:

• I have struggled with ADHD since a child so it’s a deeply personal topic
• I have worked in digital media, content, technology, and startups for 20 years so I am VERY familiar with this space and enjoy experimenting with it.
• I am obsessed with psychology and neuroscience with a focus on how these influence our daily behaviors. Researching this topic is something I do in my personal time so doing it for work comes naturally.

#5) Autonomy & Flexibility:

This is critical for us ADHD folks. Some of the ways this plays a role for me is:

• I deeply value my personal time with my family and my ability to do pick up and drop-offs at school or participate in my son’s ABA therapy at home after school at 3pm.
• I have specific scheduled times throughout the week for group coaching, deep work sessions, 1:1 coaching, and pick-up drop-off at school, and the rest is flexible time.
• I announce this newsletter as “weekly” which goes against popular advice but gives me a little wiggle room on exactly when I send it out.

We will continue exploring these elements together. I encourage you to reflect on the role each of these is playing for you in your own life and try to identify areas you could focus on improving this week.

One of the things I talk about in my new online course is the idea of how difficult “completing tasks” is for us ADHD folks. I compare it to landing a plane and how we get stuck “in flight” and struggle to close things leaving them perpetually as “open tasks”.

Well as I sit here running out of my negotiated time to work on this, and the pressure kicks in to “finish” this newsletter,?I am at a loss for any profound and creative way to end it.?

Instead of trying to come up with something brilliant, I will leave you with something that I hold very dear to my heart. ????

I love you all:

PS - For additional reading about the topic of structure, below is some fantastic information I grabbed from ChatGPT which you are welcome to browse through!

1. Dr. Russell A. Barkley, a renowned clinical psychologist specializing in ADHD, emphasized the importance of structure by stating, "Structure provides a roadmap for individuals with ADHD, guiding their focus, managing their time, and reducing the impact of their distractibility."
2. Dr. Edward Hallowell, a psychiatrist and expert on ADHD, highlighted the significance of structure for individuals with ADHD, stating, "Structure acts as a supportive scaffold, helping individuals with ADHD organize their lives, manage their impulsivity, and create a sense of order amidst chaos."
3. Dr. Thomas E. Brown, a clinical psychologist and leading expert on ADHD, emphasized the benefits of structure by stating, "Structure plays a crucial role in mitigating the executive function deficits associated with ADHD. It provides external organization, reduces cognitive load, and enhances task management and completion."
4. Dr. Ned Hallowell, a prominent ADHD specialist, stressed the significance of structure by stating, "Structure is the antidote to chaos for individuals with ADHD. It empowers them to harness their strengths, focus their energy, and create an environment conducive to success."
5. Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist specializing in ADHD, highlighted the impact of structure by stating, "Structure provides the framework that individuals with ADHD need to thrive. It supports their ability to stay on track, manage their responsibilities, and achieve their goals."

• ChatGPT “Please note that these quotes are paraphrased and not verbatim. They are intended to capture the essence of the experts' viewpoints on the benefits of structure for individuals with ADHD.”

Here are some examples of what experts might refer to when discussing "structure" in the context of ADHD:

1. Daily Routine:?Having a consistent daily routine that includes regular wake-up and bedtime schedules, designated times for meals, work/study periods, breaks, exercise, and relaxation can provide a predictable framework for individuals with ADHD. This helps them manage their time effectively and maintain a sense of order.
2. Visual and Environmental Cues:?Using visual aids, such as calendars, to-do lists, and reminders, can help individuals with ADHD remember tasks, deadlines, and important events. Creating an organized and clutter-free environment with designated spaces for different activities (e.g., a quiet study area) can minimize distractions and promote focus.
3. Task Breakdown:?Breaking larger tasks or projects into smaller, more manageable steps can make them less overwhelming for individuals with ADHD. This allows them to focus on one task at a time, track their progress, and experience a sense of accomplishment along the way.
4. Time Blocking/Scheduling:?Planning and scheduling specific activities or tasks within designated time blocks can help individuals with ADHD allocate their time efficiently and stay on track. This involves setting aside dedicated time for different activities, such as work, study, exercise, leisure, and self-care.
5. External Supports:?Utilizing external supports, such as alarms, timers, or smartphone apps, can serve as reminders for important tasks, transitions, or appointments. These external prompts can help individuals with ADHD stay organized, manage their time effectively, and maintain a structured approach to their daily lives.
6. Consistency and Predictability:?Consistency in daily routines, expectations, and consequences helps individuals with ADHD establish a sense of predictability and stability. Knowing what to expect reduces anxiety and provides a reliable structure within which they can navigate their responsibilities and activities.

These examples illustrate how structure can be implemented in various aspects of an individual's life, including daily routines, physical environment, task management, time allocation, and external supports. Implementing such structure helps individuals with ADHD?better organize their lives, manage their time, and maintain focus, leading to improved productivity and overall well-being.

Maintaining structure can be challenging for individuals with ADHD due to several reasons:

1. Executive Function Deficits:?ADHD is associated with executive function deficits, which are cognitive processes responsible for organizing, planning, initiating tasks, and sustaining attention. These deficits make it difficult for individuals with ADHD to establish and maintain structure independently. They may struggle with initiating and organizing tasks, managing time effectively, and following through on plans.
2. Time Perception and Time Management:?Individuals with ADHD often have difficulties with time perception and time management. They may struggle to accurately estimate how long tasks will take, leading to poor time allocation and difficulties in adhering to schedules. The concept of time may also feel abstract and less tangible for them, making it challenging to adhere to structured timelines.
3. Distractibility and Impulsivity:?Individuals with ADHD frequently experience distractibility and impulsivity, which can interfere with maintaining structure. They may get easily sidetracked by external stimuli or have difficulty resisting immediate gratification, leading to deviations from planned activities or routines. This can disrupt the overall structure they have set for themselves.
4. Difficulty with Task Switching:?Transitioning from one task or activity to another can be challenging for individuals with ADHD. They may struggle with shifting their focus and adapting to new tasks, which can disrupt the established structure. The flexibility required to transition smoothly between activities can pose difficulties for individuals with ADHD.
5. Emotional Dysregulation:?Emotional dysregulation is common in ADHD. Individuals may experience frustration, restlessness, and impulsivity when faced with tasks that are perceived as boring or challenging. These emotional fluctuations can disrupt their ability to adhere to a structured routine or follow through on planned activities.
6. Lack of Motivation or Interest:?If individuals with ADHD do not find a task engaging or personally rewarding, they may struggle to maintain motivation and adhere to the structure. They may be more prone to procrastination or avoidance, leading to difficulties in maintaining the desired structure.

It is important to recognize that the challenges in maintaining structure for individuals with ADHD are related to underlying neurocognitive factors. However, with?understanding, support, and the implementation of strategies tailored to their needs, individuals with ADHD can develop strategies to overcome these challenges and establish a structured environment that promotes their success.