5 Action Steps + 1 Mindset Shift for Dealing with Difficult People or Situations

Often during my coaching sessions, clients would share their difficulties they face because of other people. A difficult manager who is micromanaging, a difficult team member who is not open to feedback, a tough situation where they are not getting what they deserve.

Often unconsciously, clients would speak and think from the perspective of “being a victim”.

“I am not able to have a work life balance because my boss is too demanding.”

“I can’t stop checking my emails, because my team will not be able to handle it and I will have to do it for them.”

“I will have to say yes to my team because I have no choice. If I don’t, then I will disappoint them.”

?In each of these above scenarios, when we pause to reflect, we notice that there is an undertone of victimhood or as psychologists say "learned helplessness."

“I can’t”

“I don’t have a choice”

“I am like this, because they are like that”

However, when we think that only the external factors are responsible for our current situation, we also give away our inner power to change.

?The easiest way we give away our power is by thinking we don’t have any.

As a coach, whenever I hear these statements, I nudge and compassionately challenge these powerful leaders to take back their power.

I ask them, “If we leave them out for a bit, what can you do to change the situation?”

“Let's think of three steps you can take even in this situation from your end.”

By taking responsibility for and taking control of our thoughts and actions and only our thoughts and actions, we take our power back.

Of course, there is no guarantee ever that the other person will change and respond.

However, taking responsibility for our actions, means we will be able to say we have a choice in how we respond.

Here are FIVE ACTION STEPS that we can take based on the situation:

1.????Schedule a 1:1 conversation with our manager / employee / the person in the situation, and clearly express our requirements, challenges and what we need to thrive.

2.????Reach out to the team member and communicate respectfully and assertively, your feedback and what you would like to be different.

?3.????No matter what’s going on, become hyper-disciplined about scheduling time for physical and mental health and wellness. We all get 1440 minutes. Take 60 minutes to take care of your mind and body.

?4.????Set boundaries. Identify the situations and people you need to say "No" to and practice communicating these boundaries clearly and compassionately. ?

5.????Accept and acknowledge that others may or may not understand or respect our boundaries. It is our job to keep reminding them and keep asserting them and not give in to the pressure.

Here is ONE mindset shift for dealing with difficult situations and people: ?

"I am not a victim of the thoughts, actions and reactions of other people.

I am not a victim of what's happening in my life."

When it comes to having difficult conversations and working with people who challenge us and push our buttons, here is a quote from Rumi that I remind myself:

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”