5-7 Words Long and Not Why

One of the challenges some people have when sharing (or listening) is the pre-amble or post amble of a question. We need to stop that because it is a distraction. It might sound like, “You know, sometimes I struggle with different things, whether it is meeting new people or the interview process so I’m wondering what part of interpersonal relationships do you find challenging? Or “ What part of interpersonal relationships do you find challenging…you know…like if it is business or romantic or not, I don’t know, just wondering what your thoughts are about that subject.”

In both cases there was something before or after that requires the listener to process much more than the actual response they would give. With a pre- or post-amble our question loses its impact, its power, its ability to focus the listener to grapple with solely the crux of what you want them to share when deciding to ask your intended question.

Two important points on this: the most powerful questions are usually only five toSeven words in length and usually begin with the word ‘What.’

Avoid questions that start with ‘why’ because it often backs people into a corner…and whether a skunk or not, most fire back when backed into a corner…sounds defensive. Much better to start with ‘What.”

• What were you thinking when…
• What made you decide to take that action?
• What else happened?
• What was going on around you?
• What were you dealing with?
• What variables were you juggling?
• What were the expectations as you knew them?
• What were other people doing?
• What were you feeling when it happened?
• What was the rationale you had?
• What are you afraid of now?
• What are you considering doing?
• What could you do?
• What would you do if you could again?
• What did you learn?
• What did you want to learn?

It goes on and on…and these seemingly little what-based questions can be very powerful and illicit responses of all kinds. We don’t have to ‘beat around the bush.’ We need to get better at asking questions that are open-ended and allow the listener to solely focus on the question and not verbal or other distractions. Five to seven words in length is ideal. When we use language more surgically, we often will get much more in response.

Much love,

Dave