The 4th Child No One Wanted But Me

Welcome to my first personal blog. To quickly summarize, 2018 was a year of self-discovery and deep reflection. I got really clear on things I care about, things I have a gift for and things that energize me. SO clear that I felt pulled to create a voice and share some of my darkest fears, biggest learnings, hardest struggles and exciting dreams.

I was driving my youngest daughter to school a few weeks ago and was listening to a podcast as a man described his business as the equivalent of having a 4th child. He then started quickly reeling off their similarities.

I have found myself tossing that concept around in my head, and I am noticing it’s slightly changing the relationship I have with my work, myself…and my mother. No lie, I had to look up a word for this feeling. I’d describe it as an emotional equilibrium. Like an “everything in life now makes sense” kind of moment. And…“Can this actually be true?”

…There are a few things that are important to know about my story. My mother was an entrepreneur, and as a child, I felt that I came second to her business or that I missed out on some “normal” mom moments. You know like making brownies or baking cakes kind of “normal”.

The 12-year-old-me sometimes resurfaces in these memories, and the stories are more emotional and maybe….exaggerated. 

The adult-me questions 12-year-old-me’s details – so let’s just agree that the truth likely lies somewhere in the middle.

Getting back to the point, the comparison of owning a business to having another child unveiled an “aha!” moment for me. The last 3 weeks have been a fury of open questions accompanied with a very slow release of shame and guilt that I’ve been carrying for 40 years. 4.0.Y.E.A.R.S.P.E.O.P.L.E!

Parenting is hard, messy, ego-deflating, vulnerable and deeply reflective. I’m constantly questioning if I am doing it right or if I’m screwing up lives. As if feeling each emotion individually wasn’t enough, I’ve actually experienced all of them in the same breath as a parent — which just complicates the job of parenting more intensely.

When I started comparing the experience of parenting vs. owning a business – I was so surprised to see that they share many of the same characteristics for me.

This company is a reflection of my darkest fears and biggest dreams. It is an expression of the small mark I want to make on the world. I have an amazing team (of all women currently) that I am molding and stretching and together we are collectively working to do great things. They all depend on me and watch everything I do. 

….Does this sound familiar as a parent? 

And here marks the change in my relationship with work and my mother’s work. Did she love her work like a 4th child?  It certainly feels that way to me. It is an expression of so many things that I hold dear to my heart.

I am still pretty new to this discovery and I think I have some false hopes and big fancy dreams about how this new discovery may change my world. And more importantly, how it may change my children’s world.

Could it be that when my babies see my work like the love of a 4th child – it will start to take on a whole new meaning for them? Will they see work as an expression of who I am? It’s something they could never “hate” because it holds so much intention and authenticity…right?

…You read the part where I said I had big fancy dreams??

To be honest, I don’t know how they feel about my work. It scares me to death that they may feel the same way I did at 12 years old. It scares me that they will need the next 20 years to form a new relationship with how they were raised. 

They didn’t ask for this. I never gave them a choice. I adopted this 4th child in some rogue attempt for me to reach a dream of mine, and I never consulted anyone else about it.

And the dream gets bigger and more complex every day. It’s not their dream, yet they are dragged into it.

I love this “child” called Leadit. I have people depending on me.  Together we have a big impact we want to make. And, “oh by the way….here you go kids. I hope you love this 4th child too.”

I don’t know what they will think. I don’t know how they will feel.  And that right there lies my deepest, darkest guilt of being a mompreneur.

Guilt and shame are heavy weights to carry. I know from experience because I carry them every day. I’ve been carrying them for so long now that I no longer feel the actual weight. It’s just a part of my daily thoughts as I prioritize every moment against what’s most important in my life. 

I have a deep respect and admiration for Brené Brown. I’d love to claim myself as her biggest fan! Quoting her in her book Rising Strong: “You can’t be all in if you only bring half of yourself.”

These are painfully true words that can be applied to any situation you bring yourself to that you care deeply about. For me, parenting and work are 2 of the most important jobs I have. I am choosing to bring my whole self to both and praying that I don’t screw anything up in the process.

Welcome to my personal blog. I made a commitment to myself to journal daily and post a few times a month. Please follow along if you have time for authentic thoughts, dark fears, big ideas, and amazing dreams… as I share what dances around in my head.

About Shannon Prager

Shannon Prager is a recognized B2B marketing strategist and the President of Leadit Marketing. She is responsible for the daily operations and management of Leadit Marketing as well as the long term vision for the company. A marketing leader with over 19 years of B2B demand generation and marketing experience, she understands the importance of a fully developed integrated marketing strategy. Shannon’s background includes demand generation, marketing automation, social media, digital marketing, customer marketing, account based marketing and marketing operations. You can follow her on Twitter @ShannonPrager and on Instagram @shannon_prager.  Sign up for our weekly blog for the latest tips and trends in B2B marketing.