49 Weeks of Sobriety- Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast.
The benefits of slowing?down
Today I have been sober for 49 weeks. 343 days.
Sobriety
I’ll keep this short this week. Sobriety is fine, and I can add nothing other than the standard day-to-day shit that I seem to be mentioning most weeks. So I’ll save you the effort. You can check out all those ramblings here if you’re new here.
Slow is Smooth, Smooth is?Fast
The above saying has been credited to the US Navy. However, a bloke, Jeff, on Quora.com, said, “Apparently, we can thank the US Navy and their SEALS for that exact wording, although Napoleon is quoted as telling his valet that he should, ‘Dress me slowly, I’m in a hurry.’“
When I first heard it, I thought it was fucking stupid. I’ve always been a reasonably practically-minded person. So to me, initially, at least, it made no fucking sense.
Something about it stuck with me, though. Now and then, it would return to my massive head. Forcing me to give it further thought.
I guess, like a lot of this woo-woo kind of shit, it’s open to interpretation, and it can mean just about whatever you want it to, especially if it’s helpful to you.
These days it makes a lot more sense to me, and I probably have over 11 months of sobriety to thank for that. Or maybe it just bounced around in my head for long enough for me to apply my own meaning to it so it would finally make some fucking sense.
When I first got sober, I overloaded the shit out of my plate, metaphorically and, at times, literally. I would do anything I could do I had to do to distract myself from cravings for drugs and alcohol. Couldn’t drink if I was too busy doing other shit that “had” to be done. Whilst unsustainable, it served its purpose for a period, and here we are, so I’ll never regret it.
Ben Alexander has been talking a lot this year about slowing down, and wrote the blog he wrote today was great. It almost turned me off writing this one because it follows a similar theme. But I’m running behind this week and don’t have the mental bandwidth to think of anything different, and I wanted to write this one as a reminder to myself more than anything. this blog should’ve been published over 30 hours ago.
So, I’m sitting in a motel on the Morning Peninsula in Victoria. Over eight hours from home. I’ve been planning my team’s work down here for weeks now. It’s been fucking hard. Having no familiar connections or resources that I know I can rely on purely from experience has been very hard. I think to a degree, I am pretty lucky that when I am organising work around home, I have developed good relationships with people that I deal with, and usually, I can trust that when they say they are going to do something, they do it. They also do it to the standard that we are used to.
My family were away for a family function in Queensland last week. Fortunately, I was very busy, which was for once welcomed because I didn’t want to spend too much time lying around being sad about missing them. That said, my screen time went up 68% last week. I used to think I would doom scroll on my phone when I was bored. Then I heard a saying that went along the lines of “procrastination is the avoidance of difficult feelings”. Again, initially, I brushed that saying off. But in hindsight, I think it is bleedingly obvious based solely on my increased screen time. Something I have been working hard to minimise since my son was born in an effort to be more present for my family.
I spoke a lot last week about my son’s influence on my sobriety and how I have leant so heavily on him over the last 11 months to keep me on track. So to go a week without him and my partner was fucking tough, and I think the reason I was doom-scrolling through mind-numbing shit on my phone was that it was easier to do that than to deal with the negative emotions I was feeling. Fortunately, this week I could bring my family away with me. Benefits of maternity leave, eh?
I know that not dealing with those thoughts and feelings will have adverse, long-term effects, but the scary thing is I wasn’t even conscious that I was doing it at the time. It’s like a subconscious trait I have trained myself to do automatically to avoid dealing with anything remotely negative that comes into my mind.
I’m fucking tired. I have been since my half-marathon on Sunday. I’m struggling with sleep, and I think my body is fucking stinging for daylight savings to end. I’m finding it harder and harder to get sleep and wake up early like I like to.
In the morning, I plan on getting up at 3 am to be on the road home by 4 am and to try to get as much of the drive done while the big unit is resting. So why the fuck am I trying to write about slowing down when I’m struggling a little bit at the moment yet still seem to be making things harder for myself?
Well, exactly that. I’m reminding myself.
I have been trying to apply the idea of slowing down to get better results over the last little while, and I know that it works. I know that when I slow down, focus on one task at a time, and not worry about anything outside of that task, I actually get more done. I also get things done to a greater standard, which means I have to spend less time fixing any fuck ups.
More importantly, I think slowing down is essential for improving my mental health. I have ADHD. Slowing down is fucking hard for me. I do breathwork every morning. I have been all year. I’m fucking terrible at it, even after all this time. But I still do it every morning because I know that it helps me. When I can slow down, my stimuli response is much better. I can stop, breathe, and actually think about how I will respond instead of that usual fight-or-flight-based response that doesn’t nearly deserve the consideration it deserves.
I know that moving forward, wherever I am able to slow down and not stress about a million different things that are outside of my control, focus on one thing at a time and focus on getting it right, be it work-related, home related or even emotionally related, that is what will get the greatest outcome for me.
So, how do I get better at slowing down? By fucking practising it. That, and sleep, of course. The better I sleep, the better my brain works. So with that said, it might be time to wrap this one up and get some rest.
Thanks for listening to my brain dump.
Give slowing down a crack. You might feel a little unproductive at first, but just try it for a while and make the time to reflect on it and analyse how you performed after trying to slow down. I am confident the results will surprise you. Everything is easier when you do it a bit slower. The challenge is not getting caught up in the shit storm.
领英推荐
Bogues Tonnes?Up
Each week I will chuck a bit about my journey to my first 100k run at the Sri Chinmoy Canberra Trail 100k for anyone who gives a shit.
My running has been horseshit this year. Insomnia, injuries, and general fucking life stuff have prevented me from training the way that I have wanted to.
I ran the Bay to Bridge half marathon in Batemans Bay on the weekend. I love a home race because, ironically, I’m fuckin’ lazy, and I love convenient shit.
I wanted to PB this event when I registered for it last year, but the universe had different plans for me. Still, I gave it a nudge and was really happy with my time, given how ordinary or non-existent my prep has been. Running for that length of time with such a high heart rate (for me) will do my fitness wonder once I’ve recovered.
Next up is The Canberra Marathon in 2.5 weeks, where I will most likely use it as a Zone 2 training run and pace my mate to his first-ever marathon finish. It’s perfect, it means there is no pressure on me to run fast, and I can use my mate’s desire just to finish in whatever time it takes as a perfect excuse to not pressure myself into targeting a certain time.
I am running the 100k for a few reasons. mostly because I kind of always wanted to. My brother runs 100-mile runs all the time, and I just want my parents to love me. Mostly though, I want to raise as much money as I can for Beyond Blue. An amazing charity that does brilliant work in the mental health space.
If you want to help out and help keep me accountable for this fucking ridiculous goal, CLICK HERE to make a 100% tax-deductible donation.
Every cent counts, and you’ll be comfortable knowing it’s going to a reputable organisation who do amazing work.
That’s about it for this week. Apologies if this one seemed a little manic or didn’t make much sense at times, but that’s just where I’m at right now, and I needed to write this for my own sake, and I can not be fucked to edit or reread this one so what ya see is what ya get!
Cheers Wankers.
X.
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