The 48 Laws of Control, and The 2nd Coming of Jesus

I've never considered myself to be Christian -

nor have I ever found religion to be the highest truth.

I grew up in a family that was more of a "check the box, we went to church!" kind of show rather than actually serious about anything biblical we learned in our non-denominational local sermons.

I hated dressing up. I hated tights. I hated having to sit in the pews, getting called up to the altar, where the pastor would spend a few moments with the children before dismissing them to Sunday School. I don't remember exactly what he'd say, but I definitely remember something "off" about church. Then again, I had an extremely distorted childhood, and to say I was gaslit and confused is an understatement.

To trace it all back...

My father had a very tough upbringing, where -among other traumas- he was routinely molested by his priest in their Catholic church growing up. A man who is now spending his final days in prison.

Aside from my parents leaving Catholicism to transfer to something less hypocritical, sadly the perversions were not left behind. And as a young girl, I suffered greatly for my father's unhealed abuse. Which he then passed onto me.

The context of how I grew up scrambled my entire brain like eggs, a puzzle I'm still attempting to put back together.

The thing is, when people abuse their position of privilege, be it the privilege to lead a ministry, or the privilege to raise a vulnerable child - it scars much deeper than any typical verbal, physical, or sexual abuse.

It's spiritual abuse.

It's no wonder so many have turned away from religion - and from the bible.

The church is no exception when it comes to lies, manipulation, and flat out heinous crimes. In fact- "safe" spaces such as Church, School, and Boy Scouts are often the FIRST place predators go to hide. (and don't even get me started on the "spiritual" community - I'll be getting to them).

Needless to say, the little influence church did have in my life growing up didn't save me. Didn't wow me, and certainly never persuaded me to stay.

As soon as I was 16 and confirmed, I was out. (though I did still attend church camp through age 18, church camp was awesome... and not just because I could smoke weed endlessly in the woods for a week while away from my parents).

Regardless of children having religion in their life or not, the concept of "God" and how it's formed in our psyche, doesn't really come into play through a church.

Growing up, our parents represent God. To small children, parents quite literally ARE God. And how those parents treat them, will be what the child grows up to project God as in their adult life.

I can't tell you how many times along my journey I muttered the phrase,

"God hates me."

It took a long time for me to find my own relationship with God, or what I like to call, "Source", and it mostly came from going within. Finding the voice deep inside that'd be hidden, shut down, and turned off for so many years.

I think God is inside of all of us. God is love and God is our deepest connection to source, to oneness, to the invisible energy connecting us all. That beautiful, yummy, unconditional love that every child, woman, and man truly deserves.

The lesson we, as a fallen world, need so deeply right now.

God, to me, has never been a feeling of fear, of intimidation, of judgement, or of shame.

God is that feeling of faith.

Of trust.

Of knowing, no matter how much I feel fear, how much intimidation I receive, how much judgement I cast on myself, or, my biggest culprit of all...

how much shame cripples me to my core...

God is the deep knowingness that despite all these challenges,

I am safe.

I am loved.

And I am exactly where I need to be...

because God has a plan, and I trust it.

That's what I believe, and that's what I stick with.

I can feel in my intuition when something does not possess the energy of source, the energy of God, or the energy of unconditional love. And funny enough, so many times along my journey people have mentioned to me this book called,

"The 48 Laws of Power."

Despite its popularity, especially in the entrepreneurial world and by those of us determined to always do better, it never called to me!

I finally folded this past week and downloaded the book when I watched an interview about Ai with Walter O'Brien, and he had mentioned it as something to shape the most successful people of today.

So, I start reading this book.

Not bad initially, the intro was solid. It made some good points and I won't lie, I was engaged.

But whoa-

not the vibe!

I'm about 36 laws in at this point and I can tell you, I've only continued reading it for only one reason...

curiosity to dissect which of these laws I've been unconsciously performing, and which I have not. Because it's most CERTAINLY not anything I didn't already know!

Though I'll admit, it's helped me better understand how I fumbled my way into success so unintentionally (which is also one of the laws, 'pretend like success comes easy to you!' ha!)

But seriously, this book is more of a checklist for me to reverse-engineer why I've gotten certain things in life and perhaps,

why I have not.

Still -

I don't like it.

& I'll tell you why!

It's not that I'm afraid of the darkness, or don't dabble in it myself from time to time... in fact, avoiding darkness and proclaiming to be ALL "love & light" like you yourself are in fact Jesus is one of the most toxic things a human can do. The more we avoid the darkness in us all, the more it comes back out with a vengeance.

Humor it from time to time, but don't let it overtake you.

This book to me, while perhaps made sense to humans at one point in a more unevolved, unconscious time...

is outdated.

A better way to put it is -

GODLESS!

Completely pointless to anyone truly interested in what I believe to be the actual definition of "power" - which in my mind comes down to one thing:

connection to Source, and faith in God.

Without a strong foundation of faith, of trust, of knowingness...

we have nothing.

This book negates all of that, and is really a playbook for how to manipulate and control people around you, all the while masking your authenticity in an attempt to get what you want.

& honestly,

it's like really obvious basic stuff. "Give something to someone before asking for a favor" lol, like okay really?

Some of us grew up with narcissists and downloaded this entire ciriculum before age 7, but thanks.

Good to know there's really people out there who need to learn this, and who didn't involuntarily have to learn it before puberty to simply survive.

If that's you, fine... give it a listen. But I really felt this book carried so much dark energy. It's not about power, it's about how to manipulate people and it lacks any real foundation for how to live an emPOWERed life through God, or through Christ Consciousness.

It should really be called,

"The 48 Laws of Control"

Not power.

True power in the eyes of God is never about control,

it's about surrender.

In the face of crisis, chaos, and unpredictability...

how gracefully can you surrender?

Can you maintain your faith in the highest outcome for all, even while scared? Confused? Or, in the honor of this book...

even while losing CONTROL!?

Exactly.

All of this to say - I've had an interesting experience lately with the story of Jesus coming back into my life.

As mentioned, I did grow up Christian but it wasn't anything too intense, and my belief is God is learned more in the home, not at Church. My parents were most certainly godless, and as of lately I even have dreams of entities crawling around the house I grew up in.

Perhaps memories, as children do see other realms - but who knows.

The brain does interesting things when processing trauma.

I found my own path to God through my art, my paintings, my music, and my connection to plant medicines as I got older.

No doubt I am a sinner - but I never strayed too far from my connection to God either, at least not for long. I may have gone on benders before, been distracted by lust, casual sex, and other lower vibrational activities. I even fell in love with an atheist once, and he most certainly negatively influenced my views on a Creator. Still, nothing ever lasted too long, and I'd always find my way back to my practice.

I always prayed, always journaled, and always felt a connection to something greater than myself.

Despite everything I've been through, I will pat myself on the back for an incredible ability to remain grateful for everything I do have.

Always.

(I think that's why God always tends to bring more of it to me!)

Still -

I'm not a Christian.

I don't go to Church, I don't read the Bible, and (trigger warning!) I really hardly even know the story of Jesus.

But lately,

I feel like I am getting signs everywhere of not just God, not just that feeling of 'connectedness' I've known to be faith all my life...

but signs of actual JESUS!

yes yes -

signs of literal like, Christianity?

Wow it feels weird for me to even say it.

From friends coming into my life who are heavy church-goers. To clients opening up to me randomly about becoming born-again Christian. Other friends of mine who, like me, consider themselves spiritual but are suddenly vlogging more about "Christ-consciousness", specifically and the stories of the Bible.

Even an ex-employee who resigned recently due to some personal issues, stating that returning to Jesus is the only thing that helped her.

& here's the cherry on top:

Last night, while proof reading this article actually, I broke down crying on a call with a friend of mine. Just lots of sh*t I've been going through and it's been a rough year. I honestly don't even know this girl that well, we only met a few months ago and have hung out a few times. But hey, you know me...

typical Shay!

Hard to hold back what's true to me in the moment.

Anyways,

so I'm like sobbing and simply can't control the pain that's pouring out of me while on the phone with this girl I have a casual friendship with, and most certainly have never shared any conversations about God, Faith, or Jesus with...

and she randomly says to me,

"Would you like to pray with me?"

Of course I said yes.

She proceeds to go on channeling this beautiful message of love, speaking directly to HIM, and thanking him for bringing us together.

Then she proceeds to tell me she sees me covered in white light, crying next to... you guessed it,

JESUS!!

"I see Jesus with you" - she says. "He's got you, you're just crying and he's just holding you for all the pain you've been through."

I could hardly believe it.

I've experienced many flavors of "prayer" in my day, but this girl just went straight to Jesus?

Not a coincidence.

(she's also NOT someone who goes to church, prays often, or considers herself to be religious...)

Just wow.

Alright,

so enough signs and I'm like okay -

maybe there is something going on here.

maybe Jesus is real,

and maybe he's on his way back.

After all this, I have a jolt of energy. An inspiration to suddenly take action, a "call" if you will. So, I fumble through my boxes and did find the one sign of Christianity that still remains in this house,

my bible.

A little dusty, but good as ever.

Funny enough, I left it on the console table to remind myself to pick it up and give it a shot later that evening. But before I could get to it, my cat Leo was fumbling around the table, knocking things off (as cats so awesomely do), and sure enough he wacks the Bible off of the counter and onto the carpet.

I knew intuitively it was a sign - because the Bible landed wide open.

"Okay God - I get it!"

I read the verse on the page it had landed on, the first Bible verse I've read probably since I was a kid:

ISAIAH 42.2

It was long, confusing, and of course reminded me of why I never liked the bible... it simply doesn't make sense to me!!

Still, staying patient, I kept on reading it and eventually got to this line, which I couldn't deny made perfect sense to me:

"Those who trust in idols, who say to images, 'You are our gods,' will be turned back in utter shame."

Whoosh -

I can't think of a better phrase to sum up our society right now, and personally... Shay Rowbottom could not be more guilty.

I spent my childhood worshipping celebrities.

I wanted to be Britney Spears, a famous singer, an actress.

I would do anything to get the attention, admiration, and glory I interpreted from these idols as an adult, and as a young child.

(and ironically, we all know how it turned out for Britney Spears...)

The lesson is,

I'm evolving. And the things that used to drive me such as money, attention, fame, and admiration, just simply don't tickle my fancy like they used to. I don't get pleasure from being "social media famous" like I used to. I can't bring myself to "stay relevant", or even make videos in the style I used to as of late.

The problem with evolving, and shedding the previous versions of yourself...

is you often find yourself in this limbo of not knowing who you are.

I know this bible verse was given to me for a reason, and I'll read it again to try to grasp the higher message, but that line alone about false idol worship through celebrities, or "influencers", I really felt I needed to see. (thanks Leo!)

Perhaps part of my painful Saturn Return, my sudden decline into a shame spiral after a period of "glory" and "highs" that my younger, naive self only thought would last forever... was a direct result of my back being turned on God, and my energy directed into celebrity worship, into false idols,

especially into that of myself.

"turned back in utter shame."

Lol oh boy -

did someone say SHAME!?

you have to also learn to laugh and find the humor in it all.

But yes, oh yes, that is me!

Shame is the name of whatever entity got in me early, and it's a struggle to fight them off every single day. Hence why, I got so invested into building a grandiose image of myself, and even worshipped it, to mask myself, and the world, from the shame I really feel for who I am inside.

Thank you, Jesus, for this glimmer of clarity coming through now.

I'm not saying I have all of the answers, I'm not even saying I 100% believe the bible as the end all be all for highest truths just yet. After all, it most certainly had to have been tampered with at some point, and some crucial elements left out, kept hidden from the masses. If I know anything about man (and if you don't, read "The 48 Laws of Power"), I know that coercion, manipulation, and control, are never too far behind.

Maybe I do go back to church, maybe I don't. But I will say one thing-

at this point it's pretty clear I need to learn and understand the story of Jesus. The Son of God, who died for our sins.

There is something strange and undeniable about the power of this man, his story, and the sudden resurrection of its influence in recent years. And really, I'm sure I'm not the only Christian-ish person getting this call right now. I think COVID shook us all, and was a little too familiar to "The Book of Revelations" for people to ignore...

just saying.

If Christianity and the story of Christ is anything like the God I've known and followed all of my life, well I cannot say He is half bad!

All I know is I never resonated with a God of fear, of intimidation, of "believe in me or you'll go to hell!!"... meh,

sounds a little bit too much like an NPD cult leader to me.

Nonetheless, I'll give it a shot, knowing that perhaps no one has all the answers. But one thing is for sure, and one thing we can all agree on:

our planet needs Christ Consciousness to come back.

Just for a moment- forget the bible, forget the hypocrites at the catholic church, forget whatever dogma left you scarred as a child (and I think a lot of us have been there) - rather, just think of the basic concept of Christ Consciousness, and what it represents.

It's hard to argue there's anything to lose from that at this point.

We have fallen so, so far from the energy of unconditional love. Of respect for one another, respect for ourselves. Fallen from faith, from trust, and from thriving as brothers and sisters of this beautiful, once sacred planet, Mother Earth.

I can't say I know much about Jesus, not yet anyway, I'll admit that.

But the God I know and believe in has been one of mercy, of patience, of acceptance, of peace, and of love.

I have spent years attempting to control other people's perception of me. To be "idolized", worshipped in the eyes of the public, and the only place it got me is right back to my puny humanity, right back to my insecurities. Feeling even more exposed and shameful than ever before.

To God, to these newfound signs, and to Jesus...

I surrender.

I give up on my outdated, foolish ways, and I open myself up to a higher power, and whatever path was truly meant for me.

To attempt to control my surroundings and the people I cross is the act of a wounded, misled & confused child. Scarred, fallen, and wired to simply do what they can to survive.

True power is not measured in one's ability to control their surroundings, but in their unshaken faith in God...

when they can't.

#Shayshine ??

get in touch.