48-Hours: Why Parents & Players Must Wait to Communicate With Their Coaches

After a match, everyone needs to decompress emotionally.?

A coach has a million details and ideas floating around their head that they are trying to sort through so that they can best prepare for the developmental iteration, while parents (and players) have a much narrower focus around their child’s individual performance or role. Therefore, everyone must be given time (at least 48 hours) to separate from the emotionality of the performance and understand it more deeply. There is nothing to be gained from venting, messaging, or requesting a future meeting within 48 hours of the final whistle.

When we break the 48-hour rule, we adversely affect the development of the player and the relationship among players, parents, and coaches.

Here are 5 reasons why waiting 48 hours to communicate with the coach is the best policy:

It Teaches Emotional Regulation?

Everyone would be better served by improving their ability to emotionally regulate, and the 48-hour rule forces us to do that.?

Every player, parent, and coach is in a different emotional place right after a match. We could have just completed the best performance of our season, but there will always be people upset that they (or their child) didn’t have a larger role in that success. Life requires you to be aware of those emotions without being prisoners to them.?

You are always going to have emotions, but the 48-hour rule allows us to better make sense of them.

It Respects The Mental Health of the Coach

Put yourself in the coach’s shoes.?

Within an hour of having one of the best team performances of the season, you receive a nondescript message from a player’s parent requesting a meeting. The parent’s child played less than most of his teammates. Instead of having the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, someone’s perceived unhappiness is your new focus.?

The 48-hour rule protects our coaches and ensures they have the energy to keep serving our players.

It Puts the Team First

?“True humility is not thinking less of yourself–It's thinking of yourself less.” -C.S. Lewis

In a world that seems to promote and accept egocentric behavior more than ever, it’s an important practice to keep the team above our own perceived self-interest. It does not serve your child to have an emotional outburst after the game about the coach. It only diminishes their place within the greater group, while teaching them they don’t have to cooperate when things get difficult.?

The 48-hour rule helps remind us that the sport is a vessel for personal development.

It Creates Player Accountability for Personal Development

When we choose to separate from our emotions, a player can create true next steps for their development.?

Players, especially as they get older, need to take a more active role in their development, which means sitting with the emotions of a match and working towards a better understanding of what they did well and what they can improve. This accountability creates autonomy over personal development that will serve the player for the rest of their lives.?

Adhering to the 48-hour rule creates the space for any player to truly take their development into their own hands regardless of the circumstances.

It Engenders Trust and Respect?

Development is a long-term game that requires trust and respect among all stakeholders.?

By giving the coach space and time after a match, you show appreciation for their efforts, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their execution. If you trust the coach, respect them by giving them space, which will allow them a better opportunity to step into the other roles they play (parent, partner, etc.).?

The 48-hour rule is, above all things, about respect.

Conclusion?

Development is an infinite game that requires that we all iterate together for the long-term.?

We must all adhere to shared agreements and constructs that allow those relationships to be nurtured and grow over time. If a parent decides to do the opposite by writing an angry email, setting up a meeting right away, or worse, confronts them in person after the match, they don’t only potentially damage the relationship, but they unintentionally model the sort of behavior that will negatively affect the long-term development of their own child. As parents, your primary role is to support, but when we message the coach within 48 hours, you are shifting from a place of support to control, and that has negative downstream effects.?

The 48-hour rule creates better conditions for our players and children to pursue their potential.

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