47. How To Lose Friends and De-motivate People

47. How To Lose Friends and De-motivate People

Be Nice Or Pay The Price

One book I think should be required reading for anyone before they graduate high school is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People ”. When I first read the book, I drafted my top 3 takeaways as I do whenever I read a new book. The one I’ll focus on today is this:

Show interest in everyone but yourself.

You could re-interpret my third takeaway by saying something like the golden rule: treat others how you’d like to be treated. Or, you could make it even simpler and just say be nice.

If you’re absolutely opposed to reading the book, that’s the best summary of it there is. If you’d like to win friends and influence people, please just be nice. Before you do anything, just ask yourself is this nice? If the answer is yes, then your opportunity to win friends and influence people is alive and well. If not, that’s your cue to rethink your move.

Naturally, this can be fairly difficult to do on an every day basis, so to stop, pause and ask yourself a question before you do everything is hardly realistic. That said, there is one time it’s particularly essential, and that time is during your first encounter with another individual. First impressions are pivotal to winning friends and influencing people, and it’s worth considering because we make first impressions nearly every day.

This isn’t just about your first impression with your wife’s boss, your boyfriend’s dad or your new neighbour. If you want a legitimate shot at earning some influence and garnering new friends, think more about your interactions with people you think you may only ever meet once. Like the lady at the post office handing you your package, the store front greeter at the repair shop or the presenter at your company’s mandatory webinar. Don’t think how you treat these people goes unnoticed, and the same goes for the reverse. Maybe you work at the post office and hand 100 people their mail every day. That’s 100 first impressions you’re making. Don’t think they won’t remember you.

Our day to day interactions form who we are, so be nice if you want to stand out as someone who could be a friend. I’ve come across some people that I’ll always remember as people I wouldn’t be friends with and certainly couldn’t have influence on me despite any efforts made. One of them worked at the post office.

I used the post office as an example already because for a time I had to go there for all my mail. Luckily it was short lived. One day I entered the lobby of the building and approached the vacant counter where there was a bell that looked much like the kind you’re meant to ring if no one is there to help. Instinctively, I rang the bell and waited. Then I waited some more, and when nothing happened, I rang the bell again. A few more minutes went by and I decided to give it one more ring before giving up and leaving. A moment or two after I rang the bell for the third time in what I considered to be quite generous intervals, a disheveled lady burst through a side door and hurriedly made her way to the desk at which I waited. She released an enormous sigh as she looked at me and proclaimed that she had heard the bell and was COMING! I was quite taken aback by this abrupt entrance and disgruntled behaviour, but wasn’t looking for a fight, so I simply responded and said “okay, I’m here to pick up my mail”. Let me tell you, this woman was ready to fight me, and I’m really not sure why. I was in no rush, and made an effort to portray as much, but by summoning assistance with the assistance summoning bell, I ended up with a hasty, borderline aggressive human who’s duty clearly was to manage the front desk.

I’m sure she was having a bad day, but I just wanted my mail. Now, I make an example of her because she wasn’t nice, and I’m not that interested in getting my mail from there again. Not like my university cafeteria, where I once stumbled across one of the nicest ladies you’d ever meet. She was in front of me in the line up, there were a few people to go before the cash register, so we got to talking. It was pleasant, we talked about backpacks and flying, and when it was her turn to pay, she paid for my coffee and it absolutely made my day. I wish I knew who she was because I’d run through a brick wall on her behalf. She was nice. She didn’t have to be, and neither did the lady at the post office, but I’ll remember both for much different reasons.

Similarly, there are 2 local businesses that I’ll always remember for different reasons. In one of the them, I go out of my way to spend money there. The other won’t ever have me as a customer. As I entered one of these businesses looking for information about a specific product, I was greeted by blank stares and what seemed like actual confusion. When no one said anything, I said hello I’m looking for some information about a specific product. Eventually someone came over and helped me out, and after a very long conversation we resolved to address the product at another location on another day based on the nature of it. I was expecting a quick in and out, maybe a couple quick questions answered and an easily booked appointment. What I got was a bunch of confused looking employees that struggled to do what I thought was their job. Whatever the case, I got the necessary appointment booked, but on the day of, I got a call from this business asking where I was. The call came 3 hours before our scheduled appointment, so I was not there, nor could I be any time soon. The guy on the line wasn’t nice about it, didn’t offer to come back, and didn’t refer to our originally agreed upon time. I said you know what, it’s okay, we don’t need to reschedule.

On another occasion I entered a business of similar variety and asked the first person I saw about the specific product I was there for. I was greeted with an eager response, an efficient description and a guided tour through the store to my desired product. On the way, the employee brought to my attention another product that would probably make my experience with the other one even better. It’s not something I thought of or planned on buying, but I did end up buying both products because the staff at the store was nice. That day, they won me as a friend and forever influenced my purchasing decisions.

In my experience, being nice is the most sure way to run a profitable business. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of disgruntled customers, but they’ve always come back around because I made an effort to be nice. The trick is to be nice even when they don’t expect you to be. We’re a smart species, so anyone can tell when they’re being a bit nasty. When faced with any hint of nastiness, the phrase I like to think of is kill them with kindness. I learned it from a co-worker of mine back in my manual labor days, and it works because it’s such a welcome surprise.

One day my crew mate blatantly drove our logo covered work truck across someone’s lawn for the sake of saving the hassle of a 3 point turn, thinking no one would notice. Well, the home owner noticed, and came screaming up the driveway to give us a piece of his mind. Honestly, the only thought I had was that my co-worker deserved some comeuppance and I might have to break up a fight. However, I was surprised to see my work friend handle the situation as well as it possibly could have been handled considering he was blatantly in the wrong. He remained relentlessly calm, apologized and agreed with every claim being thrown against him. He let the homeowner blow his fuse and spoke with what at least sounded like genuine remorse and kindness. The end result was that we drove away unscathed, and our boss never heard of it. We drove away and my buddy kept saying from then on, kill’em with kindness.

Being nice is a highly underrated skill. If this time next year you’d like to have fewer friends, less influence and more disgruntled customers, don’t practice it. If that’s not your goal, consider how your behaviours might be portrayed by anyone you come across. Even if selfish intentions are your motivation to be kind, I say go ahead and be as selfish as you want. You’ll end up with more friends, more influence, and if you stick with it, more profit. Just remember, it can’t be time bound. This is an indefinite thing, so if you’re going to commit to anything, commit to being nice.

— Cody

If you’re not already, be sure to subscribe, and if there’s anyone you think would benefit from this, please share so they don’t miss out!

See you next Thursday.

要查看或添加评论,请登录

社区洞察

其他会员也浏览了