Is 46 too old to go to Ibiza?

"Let's go to Ibiza before my knees give out!"

This 'carpe diem' call-to-arms from a girlfriend (who's 60 and fabulous) was the genesis of our upcoming girly trip to Ibiza.

It was the urgent 'life is short' reminder that got our planning wheels in motion more than 6 months ago. Tomorrow - four of us girlfriends are headed to its shimmering shores for the first time.

As our Whatsapp 'hype chat' started heating up with plans for which clubs to visit, which beach bars were in proximity to our airbnb, how many kaftans we needed - the youngest amongst us (37!) piped in with "let's go out out every night!!" ????.

This last comment made me stop, subconsciously touch my frozen shoulder. The quote from the film Sunset Boulevard ringing in my ear : "There's nothing wrong about being 50. Not unless you're trying to be 25". So I quietly google:

'When are you too old to go to Ibiza' ?

As it turns out, LOADS of people online have wondered the exact same thing. The internet is flooded with Reddit threads, Tripadvisor musings and lengthy magazine articles addressing the collective paranoia of those over... 25 !

Hilariously, I stumbled on this article and have decided it's the most 'credible' source of guidance for my last minute nervous query ??

You're Too Old for Ibiza If....

1) You find it hard to get away from the hospice for a few days

2) You no longer have control of your motor skills

3) Your family have been called to your bedside

4) They can't find a pulse

5) You just breathed your last breath

6) You've just been buried.

They finish with the 'top tip of the day':

If you want to avoid your impending death being a barrier between you and Ibiza, insist that your family have you cremated and shoot your ashes out of a confetti cannon at elrow

THAT'S THE SPIRIT eh ??. I'll ignore the fact this advise comes from 'ibizaclubnews.net'. It's made me think these 6 tips are a pretty good checklist for any question that starts with : "Am I too old for ...." (assuming what you're considering is not illegal or harmful to anyone else!)

So let's call this the AGE ISSUE and let this be your new litmus test:

You're only too old for xxxx if ... (See 6 step list above)

I'm reminded of a recent article in Wired I had shared about Tik Tok changing our concept of what it means to be old with their 'teenage look filters'.

In Late February, the 'Teenage Look' filter took over the Tik tok app. Like magic, you can greet your 'teenage self' (and lament how 'young' you used to be).

"I don't want to grow old" is a phrase we've probably all yelled out in dismay before (likely to be uttered when we're in Ibiza ??) .

The author observes rampant 'ageism' on the app, especially in a digital culture where the youth freely express themselves publicly and unabashedly.

If you're 30, you're already.. 'old'.

These 'Benjamin-button-esque' tools perpetuate the issue. We prize youth. Brands profit from it. As Ashton Applewhite, author of?This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism said:

"No one makes money off satisfaction."

The advise from the author is worth adopting:

If you're older and you're online, show more of your life online. Demonstrate to the kids that ageing can be vibrant and joyous and fun and varied.

It doesn't all 'end in your twenties'. It's not all creaky knees, wearing beige and sensible haircuts. Simply existing 'out loud' as a vibrant 'middle aged' women cnm be a defiant act of resistance.

We all have a responsibility to define ageing - and brands and the media of course- have the bigger responsibility to portray it in the richness that it deserves.

Speaking of Media and its impact on our cultural narrative, loved this example:

??VOGUE PHILLIPPINES recently featured its oldest cover star: Yes, she’s 106 yr old, but more than that - she is also the last and oldest?indigenous?‘hand-tapping tattoo artist’ in the Philippines, practising a thousand year old art form called ‘batok’ - “the art of tattooing your body with tribal designs using bamboo stick and thorn.”

She was the first and only female ‘mambabatok’ of her time… starting her trade at 16 under the mentorship of her father.

When she was born, beauty standards were different. Unmarked women were considered imperfect, undesirable.

Pre-colonial era, markings were a ceremonial and sacred activity and tattooed bodies were celebrated as badges of honor, wealth, beauty, and bravery. But “when the American Catholic missionaries came and built schools in Kalinga, village girls were made to cover their arms with long sleeves.”

“Being tattooed became a point of shame when women ventured to the city, and eventually fewer girls from the succeeding generation continued the tradition as Western concepts of beauty and respectability began to permeate the culture.”

I loved this feature. Yes, we’re celebrating age - but we’re also bringing to light the power of?#indigenous?culture & rituals, addressing how our?#beautystandards?have been?#colonised?in the last century, questioning how we might reclaim our bodies.

As the author of this feature Audrey Carpio states:

“Culture?survives through?Representation, not appropriation”

“More Filipinos choosing to get an indigenous tattoo, one that carries with it a long history, can be seen as a step toward?#decolonizing?aesthetics, reclaiming our bodies, and reconnecting with our roots, our selves.” Read full article here

?? In other news, a brilliant book I'm currently reading: "The Patriarchs".

Learning so many things, like the term 'matrilineal' (a social system in which each person is identified with their mothers lineage - and inheritance is passed from mother to daughter).

And that patriarchy wasn't some biological or divine inevitability (as many have argued!) and that the 'strangehold of patriarchal power lies in how deeply women it has become into so many of our cultures... where do we turn when our cultures are both something we want to protect and the sources of our oppression?

Angela Saini's offer:

"As permanent as our ways of life appear to be, as solid as our institutions, our constitutions, our beliefs seem, there was never anything fixed about them. We cooked it up, almost all of it, and we can invent something else."

On a whim, I sent Angela Saini (an award winning British journalist and voted 'Top 50 thinkers') a fan message and am falling over with excitement that she's agreed to come on my podcast next month! Stay tuned folks!

?? Speaking of podcasts (and excitement), listen to my recent episode featuring Jindy Mann ?a leadership coach and founder of?Leader Brother Son?(on a mission to encourage research and open dialogue about how to challenge traditional notions of masculinity). We talk about being in the space of ‘not knowing’, the power of conversation, our fathers, and I talk Waaay too much about my upbringing and my lifetime of questioning traditional gender roles!?

??To finish the day - here's the best reminder I've had on ageing:

taken for the book 'How to Age' by Anne Karpf with salient advise like:

"The more we're able to understand how ageist assumptions shape our thoughts and behaviour, the less hold they'll have over us. If you recognise, for example how far women are judged by their appearance and men by their vigour, you'll find it easier as you leave your teens and twenties, to situate and challenge those stereotypes of the woman who's losing her looks and the man who's vigour is ebbing away. Let's not delude ourselves: this is the work of a lifetime. And it needs to be done in concert with others. But, as we begin to identify the caricatures and prejudices we've internalized and understand their social origins, they become more resistible. And this makes it possible to age more freely - to become more fully ourselves.

Meanwhile, I'm considering putting a clause in my will that says :

"Please Cremate me and shoot my ashes out of a confetti cannon."

Perhaps the best way of 'ageing well' turns out to be the same as 'living well'.

Ibiza, get ready - here we come!! ????????

_______________________________

Hi, my name is Chin Ru and I'm founder of Crew & Riot. Here's a screenshot about Crew & Riot and what I do.?I also have an official work email now ???? - if you'd like a chat,?email me [email protected]?

I'd love to hear from you!