46 and counting.....

Fairly often I think about age. I think about the pros of getting older, and of course, I think about the cons. When I was younger (up until 30ish), I was consumed with the desire to be thin and beautiful. I dreamt of being a model and actress. I was very disciplined about my diet and fitness. IF I ate more than I should OR something that I shouldn't have, I would work out again.

I look back and explain to people that I could not SEE myself as I was. No matter how thin and fit I was, I thought I just needed to "lose just a little more" weight... THEN I would be ok. I was enslaved with the need to be what society deemed as "acceptable". I had an "anorexic" mind. What I mean by this, is that I just wasn't thin "enough. Fortunately, I would not starve myself because I was very health conscious.

After I gave birth to my first child most of my physical insecurities went away. I had a revelation of what was REALLY important in life, and how being obsessed with my image had stolen peace and joy from me for many years. I embraced my imperfections and started to actually enjoy simple things like wearing a swimsuit or outfit without worrying about what others thought of my body. Even though I was heavier than before having a child, I felt at peace.

Fast forward.... at this point in my life I am significantly older. Not only have I gained more weight, but I have wrinkles, dark circles under my eyes, and sun spots speckling my face. I don't feel insecure per se, yet I do think about ways to take better care of myself. The thing that I have found to be amusing, is that vanity does not motivate me much anymore. Of course I would like to look good, but my motivation comes from the desire to be healthy for my sake, the sake of my family, from the desire to be attractive for my husband, AND from wanting to be an inspiration to others who may struggle with their body image and/or weight.

I also want to touch on the fact we are now living in a culture that embraces flaws... even to a fault. Glorifying obesity in the name of "tolerance" is not wise. I do NOT judge those who are overweight, BUT I will not pretend that being obese is ok, because it is NOT healthy. Encouraging people to stay this way is not being kind, it is enabling them to be comfortable in a dangerous place.

Some may wonder why I am posting this. I will answer by saying that I have seen countless people my age who have seemingly stopped caring for their health and appearance. I can't help but think that this is "unfair" to not only themselves, their children, AND to their spouses. It is UNFAIR because their quality of life decreases. They are often more tired and less motivated to do things. It is unfair to their children because they need them to be healthy and happy- to be able to play with them etc. I have heard people say, "well, your spouse should love you no matter what you look like." This is unequivocally true! YET... how many relationships suffer due to lack of intimacy or infidelity as a result of the loss of physical attraction and enjoyment? Let's be honest here. I don't ever want to give my husband reason to look at beauty elsewhere because I have "let myself go". Fortunately, my husband adores me and would not do that, BUT unfortunately many can't help themselves in this situation.

The point to take away from this personal post, is to acknowledge the reality that we are all aging. We do NOT have to "let ourselves go", nor do we have to be enslaved to vanity. We don't have to attain extreme fitness levels, but simply learn how to make good choices with our diets and make a conscious effort to "move"... to exercise. Ultimately, we must LOVE and care for ourselves first, and as a result we will be able to take care of others better.