#45 What Irish Dance Is Teaching My Daughter (and Me) About Leadership, Life, and Resilience

When my 7-year-old daughter decided to try Irish dance a few years ago, neither my husband nor I had any idea what we were signing up for. Neither of us is from Ireland, so the competitive intensity of Irish dancing—and the whole feis system—was a world we knew nothing about.

Turns out, Irish dance isn’t just about pretty dresses and lively music. It’s a full-blown commitment. There are competitions (called feiseanna), strict rules, and a whole culture to learn. From the precise bun wigs to diamanté socks, tailor-made dresses, and perfectly polished shoes, every detail matters. And that’s before you even step onto the dance floor.

Recently, my daughter had her first real feis. She didn’t win anything, and yet, the experience was invaluable—not just for her, but for us as parents, too.

What Is a Feis?

For the uninitiated, a feis (pronounced “fesh”) is an Irish dance competition where dancers perform set routines in front of judges. It’s part individual effort, part team spirit, and fully intense.

The day begins early. Hair is done up in a bun wig (or curled for the pros), socks are checked for sparkle, and dresses—brightly colored, intricately tailored, and often custom-made—are prepped. Each dancer performs multiple routines, each one scored on technique, timing, and execution.

What struck me most wasn’t just the preparation or the competition but the dynamics. Irish dance is competitive, but it’s also a community. Parents cheer each other’s kids on. Dancers chat and giggle in between rounds. It’s this balance of striving to win while being part of something bigger that stood out to me.

Irish Dance and Handling Setbacks at 7 (and Beyond)

Life is competitive. Whether you’re striving for a dream job, pitching a big idea, or leading a team, the reality is that not everyone gets a trophy. And that’s not just fine—it’s necessary.

Irish dance makes this clear. There are winners, and there are those who don’t place. My daughter experienced this firsthand at her first feis. She didn’t win a medal, ribbon, or anything to take home—except the experience itself. And honestly, it stung a little—for her and for us as parents.

We all want to shield our kids from disappointment, but the truth is, setbacks are inevitable. Whether it’s a school test, a dance competition, or later in work and life, not every effort ends in a win. The same is true in leadership—promotions, deals, and opportunities don’t just happen because you show up. Effort doesn’t guarantee the outcome, but it does guarantee growth.

What mattered most wasn’t the result but how my daughter handled it. She walked off the stage with her head held high and said, “I’ll try harder next time.” A few tears, sure, but no giving up—just a quiet resolve to work harder, practice more, and come back stronger.

She’s learning that preparation, showing up, and giving her best effort always matter. Even when she doesn’t win, her effort isn’t wasted—it’s an investment in resilience and growth. These lessons aren’t just for kids; they’re universal truths that we carry into adulthood.

What Irish Dance Teaches Us About Effort and Leadership

Watching her navigate this world of Irish dance reminded me of some key lessons—ones I often discuss with my coaching clients:

• Preparation is key, but so is patience. Practice doesn’t make perfect, but it does make better. Success is rarely immediate; it’s the result of consistent effort over time.
• Resilience starts early. The ability to face setbacks, reflect, and try again is essential—whether you’re 7 or 47. Resilience isn’t innate; it’s a muscle built through experience.
• Community matters. Even in competitive settings, the people around you—your peers, mentors, and even competitors—play a critical role in pushing you to grow and supporting you along the way.
• Discipline matters. Success doesn’t come from shortcuts but from consistent effort.
• Participation, alone, isn’t enough. Participation trophies can miss the point: life doesn’t reward effort alone. It rewards growth and persistence. The feis makes this clear—if you don’t win, it’s feedback to improve, not a reason to give up.
• You either win or you learn. Failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s part of the journey.

Moving Forward

We’ve got another feis coming up, and this time, my daughter’s even more motivated. She’s already practicing her steps, polishing her shoes, and talking about how she can improve.

For us as parents, it’s been a crash course in letting her take the lead—teaching her that setbacks aren’t failures but opportunities to grow. The sparkly socks and intricate dresses are fun, but the real takeaway is this: courage, effort, and resilience are the ultimate trophies.

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