40 TEARS OF BLOOD, MATE

Some say he sucks the moist soul of our capoes, mate.

And that whenever he sneezes the entire country and its emigrants must kneel.

All we know is... he’s 40 years-old.

#andsowhat

I usually don’t fancy idols. They spawn awful TV shows. Give birth to the most tiresome and boring kind of pseudo-celebrities and sometimes troublesome ideologies. Mind the word... idol. Ideology. They were probably related in the distant past.

Today, that’s just the norm. You flick through Youtube , Instagram , Netflix or sumthin’ they’re just there, shouting at your faces.

I can live in a world where this is standard and accepted.

But I won’t tolerate a country that is currently enslaved by whatever a famous footballer thinks or does. It’s just not fit for purpose, bruv.

LET’S COMPARE THE UNNAMED FOOTBALLER WHO JUST TURNED 40 TO OTHER PORTUGUESE PEOPLE, RANDOMLY ORGANISED BY... IDK, PRICE, RELEVANCE, PICK YOUR FILTER:

Camoes

Gil Vicente

Soares

Cunhal

effing D. Dinis

Now, let’s make it female, shall we?

LET’S REMEMBER OTHER PORTUGUESE INDIVIDUALS THAT SHOULD STAND THE TEST OF TIME IN THE SAME, AT LEAST EQUALLY RESPECTED FASHION AS THE UNNAMED FOOTBALLER WHO JUST TURNED 40 WILL MOS DEF AND CERTAINLY WILL BE IN DECADES/CENTURIES TO COME:

Carolina Michaelis

Miss Lourdes Pintassilgo

Sophia or Bessa-Luis (just pick one)

Adelaide Cabete

Vieira da Silva

Right.

I don’t think, idk, that the unnamed footballer who just turned 40 will ever have a moon crater named after him. Idk... I’m just not sure. That’s not the point.

The point is, this dude who was born in the same year as me (1985, not a great crop, but still a respectable odd year in the Roman Catholic calendar, I’d say) has achieved a status of... actually, Roman Emperor, Senator, the "One and All", the “first and foremost” example of Portuguese absolute excellence.

In years to come, when they’ll study 'Portuguese History Month', they won’t be talking about scientists, writers, poets, musicians, painters, sculptors, trailblazing dudes and dudettes... they’ll be talking influencers and chefs and footballers and LinkedIn coaches. This is just bonkers to my own (probably misconceived) version of... shall we say #meritocracy?

GIVE ME SPAIN

our 'loved to be hated' neighboring country and ask them what they think of Pique or Casillas or Iniesta. They’re just people... not effing demi-gods.

Go to France and mention Pogba or Mbappe or Benzema or Zidane. They were meaningful leather shepperds - and that’s absolutely what they are or were, period, c’est finis, n’est pas?

NAO PAH

Aqui na tuga, you have no option but to adore and bend to the Cristianity, I’m sorry, the unnamed religion that just turned 40.

I mean, there was Linsanity, a couple of games of wonder and we all know what that led to: zilch. Just mounds of nothing to notice or to be even whispered in the current age of polarising BS volleyball.

GO TO THE UK

And they’ll be the first ones to mock Rooney, Scholesy, Giggsy, Baley, Butty, Henry, Adams, Carra, Gazza, Foden or Kane.

Back here, you simply cannot dis Cris.

You must concur, sip and swallow whatever he feeds you or whichever thing he buys (he actually did buy Portugal’s leading TV network); actually, he owns a board seat, idk, he basically found a way to stamp another toxic blight stamp next to that channel. Because that’s what that channel, that shall remain unnamed btw, is: a toxic blight to our current and future generations.

Not that he isn’t progress or ambition, to the contrary.

He absolutely is and stands for #Portugueseexcellence.

I am proud to share a flag and anthem with him.

The thing is, I want to talk about other people like him.

Because you know what?

He does not float, mate.

He’s just another human who “does his job”, as Keano would say.

Well... how many dudes and dudettes do you know that actually do their jobs properly and don’t have herds of mindless sheep just clapping and following them around?

I’d say... every other individual from east to west, up and down.

IN THE END

Cris will forever be reminded as someone who was actually once part of a herd that wanted to be down in front and calling the shots. He's now a shepperd of greatness, #trudat. He’s ambitious, he’s tireless, he’s a good Portuguese individual to inspire your kids.

But he’s not the only one.

OUVIRAM?!